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Posts Tagged ‘rumors on the internets’

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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Goldman Sachs Artificially Inflates The Price Of H1N1

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
  • Yeah yeah alright, the mighty elephant “ballot boxed” (pun!) the snot out of the scrawny little donkey. But check out the guns on that elephant, and his extremely agitated facial expression. ‘Roids. Textbook case. [RedState]
  • Everyone gets access to affordable health care? Isn’t that what happened to the Jews at Dachau? The latest scholarship — and some dude with a sign — would suggest so. [Think Progress]
  • Delete your Gmail account, pound a two-liter bottle of Robitussin and head for Mexico. You have been way too productive lately, and it’s time to take it easy. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Wall Street gets first dibs on the swine flu vaccine! Let us weep for Matt Taibbi. He is still without an FDA-approved vaccine for his uncontrollable rage. [AMERICAblog]

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Posted in Wonkette | 18 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Yes, This Is What The ‘GOP Renaissance’ Looks Like

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
  • Sesame Street beefs on FOX? Oscar the Grouch lives in a trashcan because he is a dirty Maoist. [Gateway Pundit]
  • Barack Obama > Moderate Democrats > Barney Frank’s Dining Room Table > Moderate Republicans > Michael Steele. [Matt Yglesias]
  • The best part of last night was when voters told the Gays they couldn’t get married. Remember the Maine! And suck a fat one, Rachel Maddow! [The Corner]
  • A Hoffman poll watcher had his tires slashed by ACORN, but “local police are not willing to confirm it was a tire slashing.” Ha, typical! More foul play from the conniving Democrats. [RedState]
  • “The GOP renaissance has begun,” said the cow blocking the train. “Moo.” [TPM]

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Posted in Wonkette | 29 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

New Jersey Molested By Terrible Mobs Of Political Flyers

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
  • Oh no. Oh no no no. What is this? What … how? Democratic “gangbangers,” gangbanging doors, with flyers? And a video — a terrifying video! — of an anonymous woman, who fears for her dear sweet life … HELP! NEW JERSEY DEMOCRATIC FLYER-GANGBANGERS! [Hot Air]
  • Michelle Malkin double-doggy dares you to defend muslins and their so-called sharia law. [Michelle Malkin]

  • Vote Jonah Goldberg’s brother for NYC City Council! And then read about Jonah Goldberg’s kitten lightsaber fettish — but only if you vote for his brother! [The Corner]
  • We now know for sure that waterboarding saved America from shoe bombers and global warming. Q. E. muther-fuckin’ D. [Weekly Standard]
  • A very important Arizona Republican correctly points out that Democrats are entirely unfamiliar with the daily suffering of “those brown people.” [Think Progress]

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Posted in 1 | 35 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

RedState Will Never Ever Ever Forgive Michael Steele, Ever

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
  • Erick Erickson insists upon a Great Purge to keep the GOP pure. Erick, you sick sick Stalinist bastard! [RedState]
  • Sarah Palin is “ready” to be “president,” according to “Rush” “Limbaugh.” [Gateway Pundit]
  • Who else is on the CIA payroll, besides Ahmed Wali Karzai and Luis Posada Carriles? The answer will not surprise you in the least. [The Plank]
  • Oh, GREAT: The terrorists get free swine flu vaccines while pregnant women and stray children are encouraged to stock up on Emergen-C and hope for the best. This is health care reform? We want America back! [Ace of Spades]
  • Remember when Bill Clinton parachuted into North Korea and whispered delicious lies into Kim Jong-il’s tender ear and then saved two lady-journalists from a decade of slave labor? Yeah well, that part about Kim Jong-il never actually happened — hot damn, it was Photoshopped! [Daily Intel]

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Posted in Wonkette | 68 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Edward Brooke Does Not Care For Wealthy Old White Man Club That He Accidentally Joined Many Years Ago

Thursday, October 29th, 2009
  • A terrifying “flash mob” of ten — five sets of two — Tea Baggers stormed the Capitol and created a new coalition government with three Birthers. [TPM]
  • Senate likes Edward Brooke. Senate invites Edward Brooke to fancy ceremony. Senate gives Edward Brooke fancy gold medal. Edward Brooke accepts gold medal from Senate. Edward Brooke poops all over Senate. [The Caucus]
  • Why must Matt disrespect Billy Corgan so thoroughly? Some believe in H1H1, some don’t. And some are agnostic. Is that so wrong? [Matt Yglesias]
  • Hillary Clinton chanted the famous muslin prayer “Death to America” whilst prostrating herself before the holy shrine of Osama bin Laden. When will it end? [Gateway Pundit]
  • NEW MALKIN DIAGRAM! This week: the molecular structure of the Red Menace. [Michelle Malkin]

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Posted in Wonkette | 71 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Cash-Strapped Disney Character Agrees To Represent ‘Green’

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
  • What happens when a soulless pagan forest pixie asks to be removed from the RedState listserv? Well, to quote Christ… [RedState]
  • Tinker Bell is a fucking whore. [Michelle Malkin]
  • Dear Barack Obama: Focus! Focus on Afghanistan. Glue a map of Afghanistan to the back of your eyelids, so that you can focus on Afghanistan whilst you slumber. What are you doing right now? Eating lunch? You mean, not focusing on Afghanistan? See? Do you see the problem here? [Hot Air]
  • What America needs now more than ever is some good ol’ fashioned conservative pessimism and/or some classic doomsday scenarios — both, if at all possible. Thank you. [Powerline]

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Posted in Wonkette | 81 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Jesus Died For You, But He Totally Could Have Put You In A Headlock If He Hadn’t

Monday, October 26th, 2009
  • If the Phillies win the World Series, Charles Schumer will give Arlen Specter a cheesecake and Kristen Gillibrand. BUT, if the Phillies lose the World Series, Charles Schumer will give Arlen Specter Kristen Gillibrand. Quite the wager. [The Caucus]
  • Remember that part in the Bible — Chapter 3? — when Jesus decides to clothesline a downtrodden leper, who only wanted a glass of water and maybe a few soothing words to ease his suffering? That was really out of character, but a superb plot twist. [True/Slant: Harmon Leon]
  • Gorbachev talks about the Nobel Peace Prize, Barack Obama, and his upcoming solo album. [The Cable]
  • You have every right to be angry that Columbia students made a very offensive rap about FOX news, but at least be happy that you are not flushing $80,000 down the toilet in J-school. [Gatway Pundit]
  • Hezbollah cooked up a two-ton bowl of hummus and then invited the entire Middle East to the grandest hummus party in recorded history, while Israel — who for obvious reasons was not invited — sat at home and sulked. [Matt Yglesias]

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Posted in Wonkette | 51 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Net Neutrality Is Like Y2K And Balloon Boy, Multiplied By Kristallnacht

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
  • Kathleen Sebelius is asking all card-carrying commies to send an e-greeting to our Dear Leader Barack Obama, in support of his Red Menace public option. Chuck Grassley correctly identified this atrocity as Maoist propaganda wrapped in bacon. And it smells delicious. [Hot Air]
  • The data is clear: Americans would prefer to be anal-probed by UFOs, and not Michael Steele. [Matt Yglesias]
  • What has happened to our America? Hm? Black people sit on their bums, and collect their Social Security. Honest businessmen aren’t allowed to give to charity, it’s illegal! And our youth — teenagers fuck on the first date. And, God help us, that’s just the way it is. [Townhall]
  • Net Neutrality is the depth charge that will explode Freedom, which in this metaphor is represented by a U-Boat or something. [RedState]
  • The RNC no longer pleases Michelle Malkin, sexually. [Michelle Malkin]

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Posted in Wonkette | 41 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Protect America, Melt A Communist

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
  • Erick Erickson harvested a mighty army of orcs and then instructed them to purchase 1200 pounds of rock salt as a special present for traitorous Maine-witch Olympia Snowe. But will Senator Snowe take the hint and melt? [RedState]
  • The Republican Insurgency Manifesto. [Ace of Spades]
  • How easy would it be to bribe Glenn Beck? David Frum would be willing to offer him fifty Sacajawea gold coins and a hand job, but there’s a catch! [The Plank]
  • Yes sir, this is our “volunteer army.” [Think Progress]
  • Senator Iselin and Gateway Pundit have compiled a list of the names of 207 persons who are known by the Secretary of Defense as being members of the Communist Party! [Gateway Pundit]

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Posted in Wonkette | 32 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Fox News Loves Chortling About Witty Halloween Costumes

Monday, October 19th, 2009
  • There’s the Hollywood Harvey Milk that we all know and love, but then there’s the real Harvey Milk, the Harvey Milk who was an asshole and a fraud and it’s just mind-boggling that a jerk like Harvey Milk would get his own Harvey Milk State Holiday. [The Corner]
  • An illegal alien costume, with a UFO mask and an orange jumpsuit and an expired green card! For Halloween! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Fox News. Always chipper. [Think Progress]
  • Fast-forward to 3:15. Yes, that old man is wearing a baseball cap that says “Possum - the other dark meat.” And yes, he is also “rapping.” [Breitbart]
  • Helen Thomas = a birther. [Weekly Standard]
  • Interracial marriage? David Vitter does not feel comfortable commenting on such things. However, he would be more than willing to discuss his health and the weather. [TPM]

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Posted in Wonkette | 79 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Jonah Goldberg Has An Advanced Degree In Zombieology

Thursday, October 15th, 2009
  • What is ‘Max Baucus’? We simply do not know. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Today’s RedState lecture: “How Limbaugh’s embodiment of MLK’s dream changed my life.” Please take notes because you’ll be tested on this material at the end of the semester. [RedState]
  • How will Jonah Goldberg survive the impending zombie apocalypse?! Hiding in a spider hole at the bottom of Lake Superior might work, but then again, Lake Superior freezes in the winter and zombies can definitely definitely walk on ice and oh no oh no oh no no NO zombies zombies ZOMBIES! [The Corner]
  • There are many sappy, vomit-inducing political ads that come and go in these United States, but Gavin Newsom’s takes the vomit cake. [The Caucus]
  • Barack Obama grinds with a devastating Latina and then abruptly flees the dance floor because honestly he’s a married man and this is just torture. [Swampland]

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Posted in Wonkette | 79 Comments »

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