Wonkette

• When Obama was the nine-year-old boy-king of the Terrorists, in the 60s, he personally gave the order for Bill Ayers to nuke McCain’s best friend’s living room. [Top of the Ticket]
• 100% of the Maverick’s dumb teevee commercials are negative. Only 1/3 of Obama’s are negative. [Marc Ambinder]
• Palin rambles off all the prepositions she knows in addition to the phrase “New York Times” as her response to the question of why Obama’s first marriage to Bill Ayers has anything to do with anything. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Hooray the White House is pink, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Sarah Palin wants to remind you that Obama is still black. [DC Examiner]
• McCain set fire to John Edwards’ father’s mill, which Americans have been using for centuries to sew the patriotism into flags. And then he shipped that burnt husk of a mill to China, just because he can. [Ben Smith]

• If John McCain were tortured, that would mean opening up a freezing, dark can of sexually humiliated and sleep-deprived worms. [Andrew Sullivan]
• John McCain is the President of house pets. [The Corner]
• Howard Dean stress eats M&Ms at an airport Holiday Inn. [Yeas and Nays]
• Age-inflation victim John McCain is actually middle-aged,
  which is why his chief economic adviser wants everyone to work until
  they are 142, or dead. [Democracy in America]
• Rev. Wright’s half-real new book will just be about the boring history of Obama’s Muslim Church. [Top of the Ticket]
• Obama caught a luxurious cold in the resort town of Hawaii and is trying to infect New Mexico. [Ben Smith]

In this long, divisive political primary season, Americans are looking to seasoned political leaders like Snoop Dogg for guidance — and the zany rapper does not disappoint! He claims that Barack Obama’s campaign has been funded in part by the Ku Klux Klan, well known for its historic love of black people. This insane urban legend has already been debunked, of course, but you try telling that to somebody who died that way after they put the baby in the microwave and the turkey in bed and then they turned around and there was a BLOODY HOOK HANGING RIGHT THERE ON THE DOOR HANDLE. [Guardian]

• Calling Hillary a monster isn’t even really that bad a thing to do. It’s not like Samantha Power said something crazy damaging, like Obama wouldn’t follow through one of the major promises of his presidential campaign. Oh, wait. [Ben Smith]

MORE »

• How will the world take Obama seriously if he has to wear water wings when he goes swimming, and drinks his juice from a sippy cup? [The Swamp]
• Killing puppies is good for America. [Balloon Juice]
• It’s time for Big Willy to make a comeback, but only so long as he doesn’t say crazy things. [Ben Smith]
• If everyone who needs it gets medicated, then who will be left to write all the hilarious blogs? [AMERICAblog]
• Let’s get a good, firm hold on the obvious. [Headline Junky]
• Harry Reid thinks a fillibuster is like a stabbing. So maybe that’s why the Democrats wouldn’t show any spine in the minority. But what’s their excuse in the majority? [Hot Air]
• McCain and Bush have been really, really different on tax policy. Only, not. [Media Matters]

• Did Rush Limbaugh swing Texas for Clinton? Does the pope piss in the woods? [Ben Smith, Reason]
• Bush’s endorsement “does matter,” just like punk’s not dead. [Naked Politics]
• Gee, thanks for your helpful words, Mr. President. [Think Progress]
• Hillary wants a dual ticket, because that way she can be on it. [Daily Intelligencer]
• Abuses of the PATRIOT Act? In America? [Balloon Juice]
• McSame as Bush is the McSame as every other political ad. [Horserace]
• Keith Olbermann calls out Chris Matthews live on teevee! [Media Matters]
• The Ron Paul Revolution can’t be stopped by things like election results. [Political Radar]

• Barry Obama has someone going to the Rezko trail, taking notes. Not that he’s got anything to worry about it or anything. [Real Clear Politics]
• The newly elected Rep from the Florida 103rd district hasn’t been on the floor since he was having butt sex with a Congressman there 15 years ago. Just kidding, but he was a page. [Naked Politics]
• Hillary continues her totally subtle and not-at-all heavy handed reminders to voters that Barry is a black man. [AMERICAblog]
• Hills keeps talking about this “long battle” she’s “just getting warmed up” for, but doesn’t she know that Texas and Ohio are today? [New York Times]
• Since Republicans think John McCain is too liberal they’re going to vote for Barry! [Openers]
• Supressing voter turnout is the new attack ad. [Ben Smith]
• Aw, look, this is really cute. This blogger thinks there’s some kind of chance in hell that the John McCain will be president. [Political Insider]

• Well look who hates double talk all of a sudden? Everybody. [The Stump]
• Nobody loved the gays more than Jesus… until Barry Obama, that is. [CNS News]
• Maybe all those things Richard Perle said about “the world” were right. [Newsweek]
• The Barry Backlash is beginning. [JustOneMinute]
• Bill Kristol apparently gives pretty good campaign advice. [The Fix]
• Or maybe it’s already taken its toll. [Real Clear Politics]
• Obama reminds Rush Limbaugh fans of a cartoon monkey. [Political Radar]
• Mike Huckabee has no plan. [Political Radar]
• Andrew Sullivan thinks about letting some other people talk for a change. [Daily Dish]

• What kind of president would Obama be if he never used the threat of terrorism to scare up votes? [Election Central]
• John McCain is really, really old. [The Corner]
• Obamaniacs can be really, really sensitive. [No More Mister Nice Blog]
• Hillary tries to set the Tuesday bar for Barry, sounds totally crazy in the process. [Marc Ambinder]
• The Senate does a quick fix to let their pal WALNUTS! be president. [The Trail]
• President George W. Bush (you may have forgotten about him) doesn’t think U.S. presidents should have their picture taken with tyrants. [ThinkProgress]
• What conservatism can do for America’s middle class. [Right Wing News]

• Hillary Clinton knows how to break records also. [Ben Smith]
• Oh, but hey, she’s still going to quit on Friday. [Wizbang Politics]
• It’s been far too long since we’ve seen new pictures of naked Iraqi men being beaten and tortured by American soldiers. Thanks for addressing our needs, America! [Wired]
• WALNUTS! knows some lobbyists. [Firedoglake]
• Like a true presidential candidate, Barry doesn’t mean the things he says. [Real Clear Politics]
• Florida finds a use for its voting machines. [Naked Politics]
• John McCain hates the gays, you know. [AMERICAblog]
• Meanwhile, Obama buys the gayest ads ever. [Advocate]

• You wouldn’t be a presidential candidate if you didn’t have lots of corporate lobbyist friends. [Firedoglake]
• WALNUTS! thinks highly of the FEC. [Talking Points Memo]
• Barack Obama likes to set records and then break them. [Political Wire]
• HERE’S FOR HAVING INTEGRITY, MOR-AN! [Right Wing News]
• Barry cares about the opinions of all reactionary, self-involved jackasses and thus will probably take you up on your bet. [Redstate]
• Yes, Michelle, please explain to us what Barbara Jordan stood for, because as a progressive voice for civil rights, you would know better than anyone else. [Michelle Malkin]
• Listen Canada, let’s not do anything rash with a man whose only crime is making American teenagers happy. [Reason]
• Rick and George are best of friends. [Fresh Intelligence]
• Tom Coburn wishes he personally could have used chemical weapons on the Kurds in the 1980s. [Balloon Juice]

• Looks who’s inevitable now! [Real Clear Politics]
• Seems like a handful of select executives directing all of your policy is bad practice after all. [Washington Note]
• Suggesting that men are sexist is sexist, and therefore anyone who talks about it is sexist, and this is why Hillary Clinton should be our next president so shut the fuck up. [James Wolcott]
• “Candidates split on Cuba” is a confusing headline, because nobody wants to do anything but the same thing we’ve been doing for 50 years. [Naked Politics]
• Oh, we thought Nevada was all over and done with. NOPE! [Politico]
• Hillary wants you to know the “facts” about superdelegates! how thoughtful! [Hot Air]
• McCain has all the time in the world to plan his anti-Barry campaign. [Political Wire]

• Barry’s got the lead in Wisconsin, which means he might get to hold on to that state’s delegates until Hills steals them from him at the convention. [OpenLeft]
• WALNUTS! says this current evil is the most evil of all evil. [Firdoglake]
• Florida proclaims evolution is but a theory. [Think Progress]
• What’s so wrong with borrowing? Didn’t you people ever learn to share? [Swamp Politics]
• Barry and Hills want to crush your dreams of becoming an astronaut. [The RBC]
• WALNUTS! often says silly things that make no sense, and today he is saying them about an imaginary pledge Barry made to take public financing. Perhaps he’s worried about having to run his campaign without any money. We would be. [Carpetbagger Report]