Democratic Wizards Will Devise New Ways To Complicate Primary Process
Friday, June 26th, 2009
Last year’s Democratic presidential primary was the most fun a girl could have with her clothes on. We watched for five(ish) agonizing months as the candidates hauled their carcasses around America’s forgotten backwaters, pretending to enjoy corndogs and common people, while Mark Penn quietly fulminated in the background because he forgot that Democrats did not use a winner-take-all system. What devilish tricks might the new Democratic Change Commission — a body of 37 unfortunates created by the Democratic National Convention Rules Committee — do to make the process even more convoluted and frustrating the next go-round? MORE »
We all know that Northern Virginia’s George Mason University is run by a bunch of no-fun goons who hate happiness in all of its various flavors. It’s worse than we’d imagined, however: they now hate capitalism, America’s famous system of economics. University administrators today sent out an e-mail to students threatening violent “discipline” if they rent out their dorm rooms to desperate strangers during Inauguration, a creative free-market idea that could help the University in the long run, as all students will otherwise default on their loans within several years because of Deflation. The shocking e-mail, below. 
In a mere twelve-ish hours or so, Wonkette’s one-time-only “name your favorite First Lady” contest will close. So check out the Official Rules 
If hard-living state legislators have their way, bars in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area may stay open until 4 a.m. during the Republican National Convention in early September. One aggrieved tipster writes to Wonkette: “Sure, us regular alcoholics have to stop at 1:00AM and the Republicans get to drink till 4:00AM. What next, hooker discount coupons?” [
Explosive reporting from the New York Times reveals that many millions of years ago, when the Army Corps of Engineers was busy separating North America from 