Wonkette

Good lord: “The son of former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani is suing Duke University, claiming he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team. Andrew Giuliani claims he was dismissed without cause from the golf team earlier this year because coach O.D. Vincent III wanted to cut the team of 13 players by about half. The lawsuit claims the coach has interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer.” That basically says everything that needs to be said. Enjoy your annual divorce ritual in adulthood, Andrew. [AP]

Here is some terribly offensive bit of non-circulating Liberian currency. It’s a $20 “Silver Leaf Coin-Certificate,” but nine plus eleven equals twenty, so that’s what they have on the back of the bill. You do the math: as we all suspected, the September 11th attacks were perpetrated by Liberian Masons, backed by Rudy 9iu11iani and a renegade band of numismatists, so that Sean Hannity could have his entire salary paid in these weird silver bills. The first person to get this tattooed on his or her back gets 40 million Truck Nutz courtesy of Wonkette. [9/11 Coin Certificate]

Rudy Giuliani, the greatest mayor of New York since Abraham Lincoln, has suddenly been unveiled as a “national security” surrogate for the McCain campaign and has started holding conference calls and interviews detailing how Barack Obama is literally Hitler and bin Laden, but more killing-er. Obama is naive Mr. September 10, while Giuliani and McCain are Mr. & Mrs. TUFF $EPTEMBER 12 PAYBACK. Here is one thing that Rudy actually said in a conference call today: “It is fair to say that Osama Bin Laden would be given new rights that nobody ever had before,” because Obama would pardon him and let him sleep in his Tony Rezko Mansion’s attic, the end. [TPM Election Central]

The former frontrunner for the Republican nomination and mayor of 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, is keeping himself busy with his consulting business these days, which has been booming ever since his highly successful presidential candidacy. He is now consulting in UKRAINE for some stupid mayor’s race, where His Candidate is a former boxer. Look at the great advice Rudy is giving his candidate: “If Vitaly is elected mayor of Kiev, my first piece of advice for him would be to say … no more corruption, corruption is over.” … Because of 9/11? [FP Passport]

Rudy Giuliani has well-known problems reconciling his Catholic faith with his favorite hobbies: destroying fetuses, living with terrible homosexuals and cavorting around town dressed as an old-fashioned gal. Yet he took High Mass when Pope Ratzi visited New York recently even though the Pope surely hates him. The Archbishop of New York is so upset with Rudy’s participation in this ancient pagan ritual that he has issued a statement condemning Giuliani, who was mayor of the city when planes crashed into two of its buildings. Read the “ha-ha funny” statement below. MORE »

John McCain, never a darling of the Limbaugh crowd, needs a running mate who can shore up his right-wing credentials: a god-fearing Christian who’s tough on immigration and can bring social conservatives back into the fold. And who better than a thrice-married, opera-loving abortionist Manhattan dandy who once presided over the nation’s largest sanctuary city, and who wowed the political punditry with his gloriously failed “Florida, then nothing” strategy? MORE »

Thanks to the Young Turks for making the video that will heal America: a retrospective of our dearly departed Republican candidates. God, these guys were fun. Fortunately, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney will probably run again in four or eight years, and those candidacies will probably launch in a few months. In the meantime, vote in our poll for which monster you miss the most. MORE »

He never let us forget, and then we forgot for a few months, but now they don’t want us to forget again: The Political Bosses in New Jersey are considering getting America’s Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, to run for Senate in New Jersey against America’s Jew, Frank Lautenberg. But was he in New Jersey enough when the 9/11 buildings fell? MORE »

This smokin’ hot new anti-smoking ad for ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) is, well, very very inappropriate! When Rudy fearmongers with 9/11, we hate him; when anti-smoking fearmongers with 9/11, do we hate anti-smoking also? Everyone smoke immediately — Barack Obama knows what’s up. [via Copyranter, full-size ad here]

[USA Today]

America’s Loser, Rudy Giuliani, has a week to keep his website up, and that asshat apparently will run the clock out. After spending $30 million in Florida for that hilarious third-place showing, he needs those donations to pay his bills. Give the loser some money, or… uh… 9/11 will happen again in whatever city he happens to be in right now, and he’ll have to fix it! [JoinRudy2008]

… almost 3:1 over McCain. But the real story is Alan Keyes, who earned more than twice the votes of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson combined. The Keyes SURGE, it’s finally happening! [Kansas GOP]

Rudy Giuliani has always been a loser, but now he meets the narrower, more technical definition of the word, since he ran for president and lost lost lost lost ha ha ha ha LOST er, excuse us, he lost. Anyway, having nothing better to do but enjoy the company of his crazy new wife and loving children millions of dollars earned from 9/11-themed “leadership” talks, Rudy will no doubt go crawling back to the city where he grew up, and where his career was launched. Of course, when Rudy’s hometown paper went around the city to collect words of encouragement for him, New York’s inhabitants lived up to their nurturing, supportive reputation when asked what they thought of their ex-mayor’s valiant run at the presidency: MORE »