Couch-bound American sweatpants-wearers love to smell their own farts and follow the fashion adventures of their First Lady, which is why they love Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama equally. Laura Bush? Whatever, she just walked around in stiff light-blue suits all the time so PASS. Anyway, First Lady lovers (like Mr. T, left) will be sure to follow today and tomorrow’s activities at the White House very closely. MORE »

Think tanks have this magical ability to fix all the evil in the world, just by thinking. This week they solve the Middle East crisis (ABOUT TIME) and explain how the financial crisis has affected everyone from children to small animals to the newest crop of starving, underpaid/unpaid interns in DC.  And the Heritage Foundation even manages to find the time to praise everyone’s favorite dead conservative, Ronald Reagan, again. MORE »

RNC comedy act Michael Steele has delivered his very hyped speech to state GOP chairmen about how… today… today the Republican Party rises anew! RIGHT NOW, baby. Craziness! What’s different? Well: abortions for all! Free hamburgers and catsup! 9/11? Huh. Steele believes that “the future of the GOP,” starting today, “lies not in looking back but in pushing forward.” Time to insult Ronald Reagan! MORE »

Here’s Barack Obama and his “commie posse” in Europe, testing incredible new Marxist technology which will allow the reading of prepared remarks from the inside of these health-care umbrellas. [White House]

John McCain may not have been able to get Congress to balance the budget by eliminating $7.7 billion in earmarked projects, but… but John McCain is very important, still. He took another important stance just yesterday in fact! At a confirmation hearing yesterday for the *deputy Secretary of the Interior*, the biggest responsibility of which is to run around national parks and pick up cheeseburger wrappers, McCain threatened to block the nominee for having once mentioned Ronald Reagan in a moderately unflattering light in a 2006 article. It is a matter of ETHICS. MORE »

• Tina Brown’s new Recovery.com, a popular new Internet Web-site in which users upload pictures of their cats and categorize them according to their appeal, is quite popular, making it all the more frustrating that America is not paid per pageview. [Top of the Ticket]
• Professor Obama will now give banks little “stress tests” that will determine their instability and whether or not the banks have been doing their secondary reading despite not participating in the seminar discussion.  [The Atlantic]
• More Americans think Barry is going to handle this economy thing okay, thanks to his big convincing speech and probably the comparatively spectacular failure of weird Bobby Jindal. [Daily Beast]
• There is literally nothing that displeases Republicans more than children with working parents receiving health insurance—watch their stillness conceal the hatred. Dusty old robot Ronald Reagan stayed still too, in his grave.  [Daily Kos]
• Congress’ own Uncle Junior, John McCain, boozily rolled out from underneath some umbrella in the Arizona desert to criticize the war effort in Afghanistan. [CNN Political Ticker]

Ronald Reagan is still alive and breathing and administrating, if nowhere but in the minds of desperate conservatives. Even young conservatives have Reagan Creationism Syndrome, and will be exhibiting the symptoms of it en masse at Reaganpalooza, a celebration of the “the man, the legend” at the Hawk and Dove on Saturday, February 28th. MORE »

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If Ronald Reagan were still alive today, guess what he’d do, don’t know?, okay we’ll tell you, he’d make sure that none of these dandy Hollywood Actors ever tried running for major office, he would. Such as. [The Corner]

We pretty much said all we have to say about this asshole yesterday, so today we’ll remember him in pictures. He loved pictures, Reagan did! Especially the moving kind of pictures, the movies! He actually believed movies — including “E.T., the Extra-Terrestrial” — were real events that just happened to be captured on film. He was a complete idiot. MORE »

Congratulations to the 35,000 doomed people who filed new unemployment claims last week — thanks to you unlucky folks, January job losses hit 626,000, the highest unemployment numbers since the Ronald Reagan Recession/Depression of 1982. That was a fun catastrophe. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about Reagan’s Depression? MORE »