Tag Archives: ronald reagan

  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Reminds Us Of That Time Nancy Reagan’s Astrologer Ran The White House (Video)

We don't even WANT context for this
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show started off with one of those meandering historical backgrounders, and as sometimes happens, that intro is in some ways even more interesting than the main story. It’s all about another tell-all by a former cabinet member, Donald Regan’s 1988 book in which the bitter former Reagan chief of staff revealed that just about every major decision in the Reagan White House was affected by Nancy Reagan’s consultations with an astrologer. It’s a glorious trip down WTF lane that leaves you astonished at just how much the Cult of Reagan was willing to overlook. These weren’t just sketchy rumors from some third-rate tabloid about the president maybe being a Muslim (because he pronounces “Pakistan” with un-American syllables), but actual reliance on occult hoodoo nonsense that teevee evangelists regularly decry as flirting with demons and witchcraft. But Reagan was Reagan, so sure, Nancy’s astrologer got to decide the daily schedule for the Leader of the Free World. Read more on Rachel Maddow Reminds Us Of That Time Nancy Reagan’s Astrologer Ran The White House (Video)…
  Great Female Women And Ladies

Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War

Insert Pink Floyd joke here
Michele Bachmann just wanted to let you all know that not only is she an American hero, she also has an American hero: anti-feminist and riot-starter Phyllis Schlafly, whom Bachmann describes in an interview with wingnut paranoia clearinghouse WND as “the most consequential female woman in public policy in the last 50 years of the 20th Century.” And why is she such a consequential female woman? Well how does being personally responsible for the end of the Cold War grab you? Read more on Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War…
  Semper Tea

Traitor Barack Obama Murders America Again, With A Cup

America: the last days
America is finally dead. Completely dead. Oh sure, you thought maybe it was dead before when the Kenyan socialist Muslim Nazi indoctrinated innocent schoolchildren by urging them to study hard, or when the feckless tyrant wimp dictator made Marines hold umbrellas, but this time our once-great nation is dead, dead, dead. Barack Obama held a Styrofoam cup full of tea while he came down the steps of Marine One Tuesday and (it pains us so much to write this that we can barely make out the keyboard through our tears) kept the cup in his hand while saluting his Marine guards. The final moment of America, a once-great nation, was even sent out on Instagram by the White House, just to gloat over the unspeakable crime: Read more on Traitor Barack Obama Murders America Again, With A Cup…
  Postmodern Postmortem

Minnesota Scumbag Wins ‘Douchiest Robin Williams Tweets’

No respect
You may or may not remember the postmodern stylings of Minnesota Republican Chris Fields, who explained a couple of years ago, when he ran against Keith Ellison for Congress, that there’s just no way in hell that an ad picturing Ellison and condemning his reverse racism was actually calling Ellison a racist or anything. And then when they debated, Ellison very accurately called Fields a scumbag. Fields is now the Minnesota Republican Party’s deputy chair, and in an effort to get out the vote for today’s primary election, engaged in a bizarre Twitter war accusing people who were sad about Robin Williams’s death of somehow being hypocrites who want to hurt ordinary Americans. Or something. Read more on Minnesota Scumbag Wins ‘Douchiest Robin Williams Tweets’…
  so long farewell

James Brady Passes Away, Will No Longer Try To Put Your Guns In FEMA Camps

Never forget
Let us pour one out for James Brady, former press secretary for Ronald Reagan and longtime gun-control advocate, who died today at the age of 73. Brady was Reagan’s press secretary for the first two months of the Great Communicator’s presidency. He was shot in the head by John Hinckley Jr. on March 30, 1981, when Hinckley failed to either kill Reagan or win the heart of Jodie Foster, who only loves winners. Brady was permanently disabled, spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Though he could no longer work as press secretary, he still held the title for the duration of Reagan’s presidency while others stood in as deputy or acting press secretary. Which, when you think about it, was kind of what happened with Reagan himself. Read more on James Brady Passes Away, Will No Longer Try To Put Your Guns In FEMA Camps…
  friendship is magic

We Have Colonized Reagan Island

Rejoice, Wonketteers and like-minded culture warriors! Having already filled every corner of the media and internet with your liberal filth, you have invaded and despoiled the one modest online hideaway carved out for the denizens of Traditional America. Read more on We Have Colonized Reagan Island…
  clipbait

John Oliver Takes Light-Hearted Look At Our Decrepit Nuclear Arsenal (Video)

Magic Mushroom Clouds
A lot of us grew up with a fair certainty that one of these days there’d be a nuclear war — and Ronald Reagan helped turn the dial up to eleven before Nigel Tufnel ever picked up a guitar. But today, we haven’t had those highly effective “duck-and-cover” drills in ages, and who gives any thought to nuclear weapons? And that’s the problem, says John Oliver in this clip from Sunday’s Last Week Tonight: we’ve cut our nuclear stockpile way down from Cold War levels, but we still have enough nukes — just the U.S., never mind the Rooskies — to “not only destroy Earth, but provide 4th of July fireworks for Martians.” Read more on John Oliver Takes Light-Hearted Look At Our Decrepit Nuclear Arsenal (Video)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Guys Aren’t Funny. Check Out Some Funny Conservative Satire

And how long have you had these feelings of persecution?
Time for more sludge from our comments queue, and we’ll have you know it was no easy task hosing off our keyboard after this visit. First up, a note from “NasalVacuum,” who we assume must be former Florida Rep. Trey Radel. NasalVacuum was not impressed with our little mommyblog, recipe trading post, and clopfic nexus; and was particularly disappointed by our story last week about the clinical psychologist who’s obsessed with Sandra Fluke’s totalitarian vagina. Problem is, it just wasn’t FUNNY. Here is NasalVacuum’s objective assessment: Yikes! This is what passes for writing on Wonkette? Just awful. The writer might want to look at the Daily Rash and learn a few things about satire and humor. This tripe was painful to read and I didn’t even get to the end without screaming. But I’m a nice person so here’s a link to real satire and I wish you the best. No, really. The email closed with a link to hilarious conservative fake-news site The Daily Rash, whose top story right now is (hope you’re sitting down) this bit of inspired whimsy: “Al Qaeda Jihad Magazine ‘Inspire’ Publishes Its First Swimsuit Issue.” Get it? It’s funny, ’cause radical Muslims make ladies wear burqas! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Guys Aren’t Funny. Check Out Some Funny Conservative Satire…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Finds Lighter Side Of Malaysian Airliner Shootdown (Video)

Here’s Jon Stewart, giving us both of the plausible scenarios in last week’s downing of Malaysia Airlines flight 17: maybe it was shot down by poorly-trained pro-Russian separatists in Ukraine, using surface-to-air missiles provided by Russia. Or there’s the other possibility, floated by those Russian separatists: the plane was loaded with corpses and then made to crash, and the government of the Netherlands is merely pretending that a lot of its citizens were killed to make the separatists in Ukraine look bad, because you know how those Dutch are. And just to sum up what a weird world we live in, Malaysia Airlines now routes its flights from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur over a less dangerous place: Syria. Read more on Jon Stewart Finds Lighter Side Of Malaysian Airliner Shootdown (Video)…
  thanks obama!

Remember That Time Ronald Reagan Shot Down An Iranian Airliner? That Was Awesome

when other countries do it, it's an atrocity. When we do it, it's a tragic mistake.
Following last week’s shooting down of Malaysia Airlines flight MH 17, Fox News has been very busy criticizing Barack Obama for his completely insensitive actions in continuing on a fundraising tour, even though America’s national security was clearly at stake following the event (which may also have been just a distraction from the border crisis). After all, said the Foxies, Ronald Reagan didn’t go out on a fundraising tour when the USSR shot down a Korean Airlines 747 in 1983! He gave a very stern speech about the incident, which Fox showed clips of. Stupid Obama should have been more like Reagan, say Fox hosts like Megyn Kelly, Sean Hannity, and others. Which we suppose means that instead of immediately calling the Malaysian airliner shootdown an “outrage of unspeakable proportions,” Obama should have stayed on vacation for four days like Reagan did. Read more on Remember That Time Ronald Reagan Shot Down An Iranian Airliner? That Was Awesome…
  come whine with me

Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii

The Daily Caller proved conclusively this weekend that Barack and Michelle Obama are the most pampered, spoiled, wasteful Imperial President and First Lady ever in the history of America, mostly by throwing out a whole lot of big numbers and suggesting that they’re shocking. The headline, “The Obamas Have Spent Over $44,351,777.12 In Taxpayer Cash On Travel” gets things started, using an absolutely infallible number from the highly reliable wingnut organization Judicial Watch, whose total is cited but not linked to, but that’s OK, you don’t need the details. Why, $44 million over five and a half years is a lot of vacations! And travel on official business, which the number also includes, without any actual breakdown of the two amounts. Heck, those five years of travel work out to just under 7 1/2 hours of the Iraq War, which just goes to show you (once again) how Barack Obama has no regard for We, The People’s muneez. Read more on Daily Caller Bombshell: Obamas Still Refusing To Take Greyhound Bus To Hawaii…
  tears of the clowns

Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won

We stayed up late last night just to make sure we could maximize our intake of sweet Tea Party tears over Chris McDaniel losing the GOP primary to incumbent Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran. McDaniel had proved to be a reliable source of ridiculous, but even with that we will not be sorry to see him go, especially because this entire thing made us feel like we had to defend Thad Cochran, which made us feel like we needed to take a Silkwood shower. We know that Cochran’s victory means that he cruises to victory in November, but right now we’re just going to laugh ourselves silly listening to all the half-angry/half-sad trombone noises coming from the Tea Party friends of McDaniel. Read more on Chris McDaniel Pretty Sure Zombie Ronald Reagan Doesn’t Think Thad Cochran Won…
  the love that dare not speak its name

Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever

Remember how there was a time when it seemed like we might be entirely free of Ralph Reed and his sanctimonious toothiness? But somehow he rose like a smug phoenix from the flames, and now we have to endure his assertions that hating on the gays is still totally good for Republican business. Question: how bad does someone like Ralph Reed have to fuck up before no one will listen to him? Hahaha trick question the answer is never. Ralph Reed will be with us, faux-pious, until the end of time, and he will never stop advising the GOP that opposing gay marriage is a sure-fire winner. Read more on Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever…
  my brain is hanging upside down

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Defeat The Evil Empire

This week’s installment will be easy, since all it has to do is explain how Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War by scaring the Godless Rooshians with a laser gun. And lots of deficit spending on the military, but we don’t need to talk about that. But Reagan didn’t do it alone — he had help from the moral rot of communism itself, which left the USSR unable to keep up with Reagan’s youthful vitality and manly bonerism (OK, on that, we’re extrapolating from what’s implied in our Christian textbooks). Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Defeat The Evil Empire…
  the old man loves my ass

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Where Mistakes Were Made

This week we’ll start wrapping up the Glorious Reagan Years, in which the Gipper personally defeated Communism almost everywhere by Standing Tall and being the manliest. And for a change, on the topic of Afghanistan at least, it’s our 11/12th-grade history textbook from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools (2002), that manages to tell bigger lies than our text for 8th graders, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006). Way to go Bob Jones U! We knew you could do it! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Where Mistakes Were Made…
  shut up and eat your whitewash

Sundays With The Christianists: An American History Textbook Tells Children About Southern Hero Strom Thurmond

This week, a bit of a digression: We’ll continue our look at the Age of Reagan next week, but today, we’ll follow one of our textbooks off on an astonishing side track that seems mostly to exist because Bob Jones University is located in South Carolina. In its chapter on the Reagan years, our BJU Press text for 11/12th grade, United States History for Christian Schools, devotes a full page and a half text box to the life of Strom Thurmond, who at the time of this 2002 edition’s publication was 98 years old and still in the Senate. And so apparently the publishers thought it would be a nice gesture to honor the local hero with a section called “Strom Thurmond: ‘Rebel’ Politician.” The dog whistles in this section are intense enough that they may jump off the page and come through your computer screen; Yr Wonkette apologizes in advance for any discomfort experienced by your housepets. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: An American History Textbook Tells Children About Southern Hero Strom Thurmond…
  another one bites the dust

In Fatal Blow To Rick Santorum, Pennsylvania Will Now Begin Gay Marriage Throat-Cramming

So unless you do not have the internets or are really really afraid of the gays, you know that yesterday a federal judge struck down Pennsylvania’s gay marriage ban. Do you know how much gay marriage throat cramming that makes? It makes so much throat cramming that we cannot even keep track any longer and had to go to Wikipedia to figure out how many states were going to make you get all gay married against your will. Short answer: non-homosexxicans, you are running out of room. Gays gonna be errrywhere soon. With all the gay gayness happening, we’d kind of forgotten that the Pennsylvania decision was even pending, which is a shame since our boy Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum is one of Pennsylvania’s finest worst achievements, and you just have to imagine that he is on his knees trying to rip his own heart out and sacrifice it to God just to make all the gayness stop. But it will never stop. In fact, if any of you homosexxican commenters hail from Pennsylvania, it’s your sacred duty to go find Rick Santorum right now and force him to gay marry you this very day. Bring your dog, of course. Read more on In Fatal Blow To Rick Santorum, Pennsylvania Will Now Begin Gay Marriage Throat-Cramming…
  Let God Sort 'em Out

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Books That Begin Bombing In Five Minutes

Our Celebration of All Things Reagan continues this week with a look at some of the Gipper’s flawless successes in foreign policy, as explained in a couple of popular history books for the private Christian school market. It was a time when America rode tall in the saddle again, and everyone loved and respected us again. And if they didn’t, they’d get Rambo’d! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Books That Begin Bombing In Five Minutes…
  the first thing i want to say is 'mandate my ass'

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Texts That Will Win One For The Gipper

As we saw last week, America in the late 1970s was in quite the fix, and what we really needed was for a man on a white horse to come and save America at the last moment. Someone always comes to save America at the last moment. And as today’s soundtrack reminds us, when America found itself having a hard time facing the future, we looked for people like John Wayne. But since John Wayne was no longer available, we settled for Ronald Reagan. This week, our history textbooks for the Christian school market tell us all about the glories of that wonderful presidency, when we looked back to an age when movies were in black and white, and so was everything else. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Texts That Will Win One For The Gipper…
  suck it reagan

Obama Desecrates Reagan’s Adulthood Home With Solar Panels Because He Is A Dumb Hippie

So we all know that President B. Barry Bamz hates St. Ronald Reagan, right? It is clear, established fact that everything Nobummer does is directly related to desecrating the memory of Reagan’s lifetime of achievements. Remember when Obama was going to tear down Reagan’s childhood home using only his testicles as wrecking balls? Well apparently desecrating Reagan’s childhood home was not enough, and Obama has to go and try to wreck Reagan’s adulthood home, per WaPo: The White House has completed installing solar panels on the First Family’s residence, a process it started back in 2010. Next thing you know, he will acknowledge the existence of AIDS or something!  Read more on Obama Desecrates Reagan’s Adulthood Home With Solar Panels Because He Is A Dumb Hippie…
  old mother reagan

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks On The Advent Of Saint Reagan

Congratulations, America! After 400 years of divine guidance, we’ve finally gotten to the President that God wanted the most, Ronald Wilson Reagan (genuflection optional). Both of our textbooks for the Christian school market just love the heck out of him, of course, because he made America Great Again… or at least made us feel Great Again, which is every bit as important. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks On The Advent Of Saint Reagan…
  worst omission: neither book mentions disco

Sundays With The Christianists: Ineffectual American History Textbooks That Meant Well

Never mind the post-2000 copyright dates on our two U.S. history textbooks aimed at the rightwing Christian school and homeschool market. The most important thing you need to know about them is that they are very much products of the explosion of Christian Right publishing that arose while Ronald Reagan was president and the Moral Majority was still a going concern. It shows, especially in the books’ discussion of the weakest, most pathetic President of the United States, or indeed any president in the universe, James Earl Carter. Reading these books, you almost get the feeling that they’re still trying to get Reagan elected. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Ineffectual American History Textbooks That Meant Well…