Wonkette

CRAPPY FATHER’S DAY! The unwanted stepchild of Mother’s Day reminds us that American presidents are pretty shitty at being dads, too. [Political Machine]

Here’s how our boy WALNUTS! (yes, we called him “boy” so we are racist) explained to his loving reporters why Obama is a fairy: “I believe that it’s not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn’t sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home.” Well, that’s the Misspeaking of the century. Reagan officials “made it very clear” by covertly selling Iran weapons, which perhaps may not be “sitting down” but was effective in its own way. [The Caucus]

Peggy Noonan sees the world through a special pair of eyes — eyes that were pried out of Ronald Reagan’s head just moments after he tragically passed away in 1989. How do we know this? Because a women’s website asked Peg about shoes. MORE »

America’s finest opinion-writer-of, Peggy Noonan, recently visited an airport somewhere — possibly in West Texas, Oklahoma or Central California. She is the Merle Haggard of the Jet Age, the Woody Guthrie of business travel. Also, she is an old white lady and the TSA minorities are sticking the beeping wand between her withered old thighs, and that ain’t right! It’s unnatural, as she is not even an Arab! Let’s enjoy an Okie-Dog of Metaphors with the Op-Ed Princess of Bloomingdale’s, after the jump.

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Democratic operatives won’t have to bring up John McCain’s age in the upcoming Presidential campaign — because every American alive already knows that the presumptive Republican nominee is impossibly old, in failing health, and so brain-addled that he thinks proper birth control involves sea sponges and liniment. But will all these factors just remind Americans of Ronald Reagan, America’s last demented old President, and lead to a landslide McCain victory in the fall? MORE »

Although John McCain continues to battle himself for the Republican nomination, the news today should help a little bit. Nancy Reagan, the somehow-still-alive widow of famous ghost Ronald Reagan, will endorse him tonight at her fat cat home in California. As you may have heard, John McCain was a foot soldier in the Reagan Revolution, the legacy of which includes a soaring federal budget, entrenched partisanship, and Mitt Romney. And this is why some president’s wife will be endorsing John McCain tonight, in Outer Space. [Jonathan Martin]

This is from today’s John McCain campaign email. Notice anything peculiar here? MORE »

Here’s an underreported story about the Republican primary race: Why has God been such a lazy campaigner for his candidate, Mike Huckabee? Sure, God is busy making humans, and the weather, and American foreign policy. But God made a commitment to Mike Huckabee when He endorsed him, and He has been almost as lazy a campaigner as Fred Thompson ever since. Because of this, Huckabee’s supporters are making a last-ditch effort to drag God out onto the campaign trail this Sunday via mass worship. The Pray for Huckabee effort does not mince words: “Join us February 24, 2008 as we pray for God to make a way for Mike Huckabee to become president.” MORE »

Our nation’s greatest First Lady, 86-year-old Nancy Reagan, is recovering in a Los Angeles hospital after falling down in her Bel-Air mansion. We last saw Nancy at the Reagan Library’s GOP candidate debate on January 30, where she sat with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and actually looked younger than he did. Get well soon, Nancy! [LA Times]

It appears Presidential candidate Barack Obama has locked down the nod from another heavy hitter … MORE »