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Posts Tagged ‘ronald reagan’

MEGHAN MCCAIN IS NOW OFFICIALLY THE 'KING OF POP'

A Children’s Treasury of Presidents Posing With Michael Jackson

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

The man in the mirror ... is Barbara Bush Sr.!One-man circus Michael Jackson has officially died, and somebody is very, very happy about this news. (That “somebody” is Mark Sanford. Adios, Mark! Enjoy the rest of your life.) We, of course, could give a hoot about Michael Jackson, although your editor once free-lanced a “concert review” of Wacko Jacko’s post-pedophile (?) 1996 performance in Prague, and the National Enquirer paid something like $500, enough for a plane ticket back to America. So, thanks, Michael! Thanks for the good times, and thanks to Vladan for getting us the Ecstasy so we could tolerate that awful spectacle. Also, Michael, you sure did get yourself photographed with a lot of 1980s and ’90s presidents! You were truly the Barack Obama of that particular era. MORE »


ES LIAR?

Best Steve Doocy Clip Ever Discovered With Basic YouTube Search

Friday, June 12th, 2009

Clip o’ the century, folks, clip o’ the century. Here is our favorite Fox & Friends star Steve Doocy wearing his mother’s finest Christmas sweater in a DC local news segment from 1988. The story is about one “A-peeling Guy” trying to give the Washington Redskins a potato. BUT! BUT! According to the subject of the story, who posted this clip on YouTube, STEVE DOOCY INSULTED RONALD REAGAN. MORE »


PEGGY'S WORLD

Friday, June 5th, 2009

PEGGY NOONAN TRUMPETS BAWDY CONCUPISCENCE TOWARD FELLOW LADYINGTON NANCY PELOSI: Word-writing human Peggington Noonington loveth Ronald Reagan much in today’s edition of her holy word-compilation, “Declarations.” But doth she loveth the visage of Nancington Pelosi the more? “At public events Mrs. Pelosi always tries to look engaged, a pleasant half-smile on her face. This is a courtesy women in their middle years unconsciously give to the world. It is precious and largely unremarked. You see it on the street in small towns.” Yet hath Peggingtonshire ever setteth foot-to-cobblestone in any hamlet smallether than New Amsterdam? [WSJ]


RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Bill Clinton’s Plan To Open Online Pharmacy Thwarted, For Now

Thursday, June 4th, 2009
  • Galileo proved ages ago that “crime increases proportionally with the height of housing project buildings,” and after a thorough review by the Pontifical Council for Culture, the Catholic Church even forgave him for it. But guess what? Sonia-Maria Sotomayor grew up in the grandest housing project on the Eastern Seaboard, and she doesn’t even sell dime bags! [John McWhorter]
  • Oh NO! The National Arbitration Forum ruled that Sneaky Joseph Culligan will be allowed to keep BillClintonsTentaclePornEmporium.net and a myriad of other domain names Bill Clinton desperately wanted for himself. [HuffPost]
  • There are unconfirmed Rumors on the Internets claiming Erick Erickson has reached his 34th year, which is pretty outrageous considering Jesus didn’t even live that long. Whatever: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICK! [RedState]
  • Observe the many ways in which Barack Obama and Ronald Reagan are frighteningly similar: Reagan invented Reaganomics, Obama invented Socialism. Reagan bought guns and gave them to right-wing death squads in Central America, Obama bought toxic bank assets and gave them to the Sandinistas. Can you think of two more examples, for extra-credit? [Washington Whispers]

GHOSTBUSTERS

Nancy Reagan To Visit White House!

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Just say 'Well OK maybe this one time.'Couch-bound American sweatpants-wearers love to smell their own farts and follow the fashion adventures of their First Lady, which is why they love Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama equally. Laura Bush? Whatever, she just walked around in stiff light-blue suits all the time so PASS. Anyway, First Lady lovers (like Mr. T, left) will be sure to follow today and tomorrow’s activities at the White House very closely. MORE »


THINK ABOUT IT

When All Else Fails, Think

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Your head could be in this!Think tanks have this magical ability to fix all the evil in the world, just by thinking. This week they solve the Middle East crisis (ABOUT TIME) and explain how the financial crisis has affected everyone from children to small animals to the newest crop of starving, underpaid/unpaid interns in DC.  And the Heritage Foundation even manages to find the time to praise everyone’s favorite dead conservative, Ronald Reagan, again. MORE »


SURE WHY NOT

Michael Steele Announces Re-launch Of Republican Party!

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

RNC comedy act Michael Steele has delivered his very hyped speech to state GOP chairmen about how… today… today the Republican Party rises anew! RIGHT NOW, baby. Craziness! What’s different? Well: abortions for all! Free hamburgers and catsup! 9/11? Huh. Steele believes that “the future of the GOP,” starting today, “lies not in looking back but in pushing forward.” Time to insult Ronald Reagan! MORE »


DID YOU KNOW READING A SPEECH IS SOCIALIST?

Obama Testing New Umbrellaprompters

Saturday, April 11th, 2009


Here’s Barack Obama and his “commie posse” in Europe, testing incredible new Marxist technology which will allow the reading of prepared remarks from the inside of these health-care umbrellas. [White House]


WAH WAH WAH

John McCain Takes Bold Stance Against Nomination Of Deputy Interior Secretary, Who Once Insulted Reagan

Friday, March 13th, 2009

John McCain may not have been able to get Congress to balance the budget by eliminating $7.7 billion in earmarked projects, but… but John McCain is very important, still. He took another important stance just yesterday in fact! At a confirmation hearing yesterday for the *deputy Secretary of the Interior*, the biggest responsibility of which is to run around national parks and pick up cheeseburger wrappers, McCain threatened to block the nominee for having once mentioned Ronald Reagan in a moderately unflattering light in a 2006 article. It is a matter of ETHICS. MORE »


RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Professor Obama Is Not Happy About Lecturing If You Aren’t Going To Do The Reading

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
  • Tina Brown’s new Recovery.com, a popular new Internet Web-site in which users upload pictures of their cats and categorize them according to their appeal, is quite popular, making it all the more frustrating that America is not paid per pageview. [Top of the Ticket]
  • Professor Obama will now give banks little “stress tests” that will determine their instability and whether or not the banks have been doing their secondary reading despite not participating in the seminar discussion.  [The Atlantic]
  • More Americans think Barry is going to handle this economy thing okay, thanks to his big convincing speech and probably the comparatively spectacular failure of weird Bobby Jindal. [Daily Beast]
  • There is literally nothing that displeases Republicans more than children with working parents receiving health insurance—watch their stillness conceal the hatred. Dusty old robot Ronald Reagan stayed still too, in his grave.  [Daily Kos]
  • Congress’ own Uncle Junior, John McCain, boozily rolled out from underneath some umbrella in the Arizona desert to criticize the war effort in Afghanistan. [CNN Political Ticker]

FAIR AND BALANCED

It’s Like Lollapalooza But Better

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Ronald Reagan is still alive and breathing and administrating, if nowhere but in the minds of desperate conservatives. Even young conservatives have Reagan Creationism Syndrome, and will be exhibiting the symptoms of it en masse at Reaganpalooza, a celebration of the “the man, the legend” at the Hawk and Dove on Saturday, February 28th. MORE »