ron paul
Tune in tonight as we liveblog, against our will, CNN’s very own amateur porn hour GOP debate edition of Wolf Blitzer trying to cop a feel off deranged hair monster Rick Perry! 8PM ET! Herman Cain will also sex 9/11, Michele Bachmann will sex the corpse of her own campaign, Rick Santorum will sex himself, Mitt [...]
Dr. Ron Paul’s portion of the Internet is goin’ nutz over the rumored grab-ass Rick Perry was trying to strong-arm Doctor Congressman Paul with, during the Reagan Gravesite Debate. Why is Rick Perry such a violent psychopath? Does he just hate freedom so much that he went over and tried to beat up a whiny [...]
According to sources within every other GOP candidate’s campaign, Rick Perry is a liberal queer who loves Al Gore, Hillarycare, Hillary Clinton, Obamacare and federal welfare money handouts for the Texas wildfires he deliberately started, for the cause of Mexican socialism. So it’s no surprise that the pothead hobbits who support Ron Paul are launching [...]
Ron Paul has unsurprisingly lost another round of that game he keeps on playing, called “Ron Paul vs. The World.” This loss was suffered specifically by a one Colin Wilkinson, a Ron Paul supporter and time travel survivor, who was just “rattling his snare drum” like he did when the British were coming, when the [...]
Oh goody, what’s that crazy old Ron Paul yammering on about this time? Someone told him there’s a hurricane-a-comin’ and he just rolled his eyes thinking about how FEMA is going to come in and just plain old ruin everybody’s fun. Back in Ron Paul’s day (the turn of the century), there was no dumb [...]
How did the pill-head nut Michele Bachmann “win” the Iowa straw poll when not even Republicans actually think she is good for anything but having a comical homosexual husband who deep throats corndogs with her, in public? According to a Wonkette tipster who wishes to remain anonymous because he totally loves Ron Paul and doesn’t [...]
Is everyone clutching a bottle of Advil in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other? Does it matter which hand is holding which? NO! Tonight we will watch all 83 GOP presidential candidates stand together on a stage in Ames, Iowa and real-life Twitter incomplete sentences with all the fury of James [...]
Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY [...]
TSA pat-downs have somehow become libertarian wingnuts’ favorite new “alien anal probe of death” conspiracy cause, which means they will march around and make demands, to the government, libertarians asking their government for things, and tell the dang government to go do something about it. The Florida Libertarian Party spent its July Fourth weekend writing [...]
Some things in the world work like clockwork — a gay Republican is outed, an American president launches another war, John Boehner walks into a tanning booth, Ginni Thomas drunk dials Anita Hill — so we are not surprised and maybe even a little relieved to know that the Ron Paultards are once again out [...]
Consider yourself aroused, America: libertarian heartthrob Ron Paul has sent out a special present of topless photos for all of you, on his Facebook page. FINALLY the primary season is starting to get HOTTT, so all of you, stop what you are doing right now and ogle Ron Paul. He is as buff and shirtless as [...]
Here is your “GOP debate blingee” which, you know, hang in there. Your furriner editor is new at the blingee thing. SO HERE WE GO. Tonight’s debate is in New Hampshire, where Michele Bachmann last changed American history. Why was Sarah Palin trying to copy her so hard? Where is Sarah Palin, to wear the [...]
We will be liveblogging tonight’s Republican presidential debate which airs at 9 pm ET on the world’s only television channel, Fox News. It will be the DEBATE OF THE CENTURY, if suddenly everyone else on the planet dies and lame people like Tim Pawlenty are the only human beings to exist for the rest of [...]
Fox Business Channel host and former Barbara Walters page boy John Stossel likes Ron Paul, so why not throw the show over to him for a little propaganda? That’s what Fox does best; may as well keep to the formula. Just insert a squirrel-voiced “Obama impersonator” and voila, you’ve got yourself a real live straw [...]
