Tag: ron paul

Oh this guy, what a joker

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose...

Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat, Sorry ‘Bout That Nazi Pasta, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Who needs more coffee? And donuts? You, you over there, you were supposed to bring the donuts. BREAKING!!! Stop the presses (or the pixels, whatever): Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She...

DJ Tanner Is Not Amused In Today’s Happy Links!

Hope you had a great work week and are heading to Happytown for the weekend! Hooray! Enjoy our tales of OJ Simpson, DJ Tanner, Carmen Electra, some motorcycle dude, Stephen Colbert, Ron Paul, and more! It's a big ol'...

Ron Paul Will Act At You In Atlas Shrugged: Part III

Clocking in at around 645,000 words, Atlas Shrugged is Ayn Rand's magnum derpus. So it makes sense that the film version has been stretched out into three full-length movies, because how else are you going to cram all that...

Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!

The Great Big Freedom to Never Pay Grazing Fees Revolution continues to bubble right along, although the Bureau of Land Management released Cliven Bundy's cheerfully-trespassing cattle and has backed off from its plans to seize them. Still, there are...

Jimmy Fallon Stars In The Vladimir Putin Cold War Kickstarter Campaign

Because we are a Happy Nice Time blog not a Geopolitical Feelings blog, we don't talk a ton about Russia, even though we've learned that Edward Snowden thinks they are super awesome on human rights and Ron Paul lurrrvvees...

America’s New Boyfriend Randy Weber Likes Long Walks, Snuggling, And Calling Obama A Socialist — Just Like You!

Sorry, were you feeling left out because we told you that Cathy McMorris Rodgers was America's New Sweetheart, but your sweetheart tastes do not run towards ladies, thankyewverymuch? Never fear. We are all-inclusive in our sweetheart finding and loving...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren't quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore...

Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin

If you know us at all, you know what big fans we are of Sarah Palin. Her folksiness speaks to us. She's just so down home, which is what we love in a Fox News personality/ex-politician/scam artist. You also...

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul's abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry's zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of "civil uprising" against the government? You are in...

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

Hey, kids, here's a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it's high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its "laws" and "healthcare mandate" and all that. What's more, he thinks that there's...

Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews

Ron Paul is scheduled to be the keynote speaker for a Sept. 11 conference sponsored by The Fatima Center, a rightwing "radical traditionalist" Catholic group that the Southern Poverty Law Center calls "perhaps the single largest group of hard-core...

World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Libertarian yard leprechaun Ron Paul retired from Congress in January after three attempts at the presidency and exactly one bill passed of the 464 he sponsored in the House. Many who noticed his vacancy wondered, how could this void...

Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’

Writing a stupid comment is easy. Writing an epically stupid comment, on the other hand, takes something a little extra, a little special, a little hamsterfucking insane. We think we have found such a winner in our slushpile,...

Rand Paul’s Social Media Dude, The ‘Southern Avenger,’ Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things

After years of lurking in the shadows of his father's success, Rand Paul has hired a racist, possibly anti-Semitic staffer to wrangle future Rand-tards using the power of the interwebs and help him assemble his own cadre of misguided...

Congress Trying Pot Again

In big fat "can we just got on with this now" marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky...