Tag Archives: ron paul

  very definitely having a cow

Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!

The Great Big Freedom to Never Pay Grazing Fees Revolution continues to bubble right along, although the Bureau of Land Management released Cliven Bundy’s cheerfully-trespassing cattle and has backed off from its plans to seize them. Still, there are rumblings in the Wingnuttosphere that this is far from over, because for one thing Bundy still owes the $1 million in unpaid grazing fees (we’ll assume that includes penalties & interest?) and also because it’s just too good a story, so militia loons are continuing to stay at the Bundy ranch and make noises about how the Federal Government has just gone too far by insisting that people who run cattle on federal land actually need to pay for that. Tyranny! And patriotic citizens who can’t make it out to Nevada are also getting involved, like the sad online activist who tried to leave a comment here at yr mommyblog to promote his project to name & shame some jackbooted thugs, but discovered that Wonkette Does Not Allow Comments. And even though they had a really compelling message — “Help rat out Dirty Harry Reid’s minions! http://mercid.wordpress.com/ “ — we didn’t let them into the comments section, because we are liberal fascists. But we did look at their dumb blog, and it was so spectacularly bad that you need to see it. Read more on Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!…
  bonus clipbait

Jimmy Fallon Stars In The Vladimir Putin Cold War Kickstarter Campaign

Because we are a Happy Nice Time blog not a Geopolitical Feelings blog, we don’t talk a ton about Russia, even though we’ve learned that Edward Snowden thinks they are super awesome on human rights and Ron Paul lurrrvvees them. We will, however, succumb to Russia-talking if it involves Jimmy Fallon as Vladimir Putin. Read more on Jimmy Fallon Stars In The Vladimir Putin Cold War Kickstarter Campaign…
  something for everyone

America’s New Boyfriend Randy Weber Likes Long Walks, Snuggling, And Calling Obama A Socialist — Just Like You!

Sorry, were you feeling left out because we told you that Cathy McMorris Rodgers was America’s New Sweetheart, but your sweetheart tastes do not run towards ladies, thankyewverymuch? Never fear. We are all-inclusive in our sweetheart finding and loving and praising here at Wonkette, and we have found you a delightful male counterpart to Chatty Cathy. Ladies and Gentlemen who prefer Gentlemen, we give you America’s New Sweetheart, Boy-Flavored Edition: Rep. Randy Weber. Randy was already on our radar thanks to his tireless devotion to making sure that he shall never have to endure the spectre of a gay marriage right there in front of his good Christian eyes. Dammit. We’re sorry if this is going to make it awkward for you boy types that were hoping to someday join in holy matrimony with your new crush object Randy, but at this point, we are limited to two new sweethearts. Think of them like a really malevolent prom king and queen. But enough about your pathetic search for love. Let’s learn about Randy! Randy turned pro last night during the State of the Union by kicking his Twitter feed into high gear with the sort of snotty tweets usually reserved for people with egg avatars and zero followers. Read more on America’s New Boyfriend Randy Weber Likes Long Walks, Snuggling, And Calling Obama A Socialist — Just Like You!…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren’t quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore altogether, and then we, uhhhh… hahahahahaha Yeah, we totally do, man. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries…
  all we want for christmas is everything

Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin

If you know us at all, you know what big fans we are of Sarah Palin. Her folksiness speaks to us. She’s just so down home, which is what we love in a Fox News personality/ex-politician/scam artist. You also likely know that we are really really big believers in the gold standard because of our deep love for Ron Paul and our unexplained yet rabid dislike of the Federal Reserve. That’s why this 24-karat one ounce gold Sarah Palin coin is so high on our Christmas list. Read more on Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin…
  what could go wrong?

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul’s abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry’s zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of “civil uprising” against the government? You are in luck, people, because a couple of retired generals — Army Gen. Paul E. Vallely and Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, who already run a “We Hate Bamz” organization — created something terrifying that they’re calling a “Citizens’ Commission” that purports to exist to give advice to the legislative and executive branches of government but is really just a garden variety demand that Obama resign or else and also, too, taxation is unjust, except, of course, with the added excitement of hoping people will take up arms to accomplish those things. Read more on Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?…
  the re-love-ution will not be televised

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

Hey, kids, here’s a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it’s high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its “laws” and “healthcare mandate” and all that. What’s more, he thinks that there’s really no longer any reason to wait to start watering the ol’ Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants. Speaking in the former capitol of the Confederacy Monday in support of another Lost Cause, Ken Cuccinelli’s campaign for governor of Virginia, Paul said “We need someone to stand up to the authoritarians … They’re dictators.” …He stressed that the constitutional “right to keep and bear arms” was not for hunting, but to allow rebellion against tyrannical governments. “The Second Amendment was not there so you could shoot rabbits,” he said. “Right now today, we have a great threat to our liberties internally.” This talk of the need for revolution is certainly not unfamiliar to gun-fondlers, but as far as we can tell, this is the most direct call that Ron Paul has made for actually shooting people. Right now, today. Well, sure. why not? What could possibly go wrong? Read more on Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate…
  we are shocked...shocked!

Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews

Ron Paul is scheduled to be the keynote speaker for a Sept. 11 conference sponsored by The Fatima Center, a rightwing “radical traditionalist” Catholic group that the Southern Poverty Law Center calls “perhaps the single largest group of hard-core anti-Semites in North America.” But that doesn’t mean that Ron Paul is an anti-Semite, after all. He can’t help it if his message of individual responsibility and kooky yearning for the Gold Standard happens to appeal to a Taliban Catholic group that promotes “New World Order” conspiracy claims and whose publications have published columns criticizing the Pope for “kowtowing” to the “Synagogue of Satan,” argued that Jews are attempting to undermine the Catholic Church on behalf of Satan, and claiming that “Zionist billionaires” have been “financially raping” the Russian people. Besides, you don’t have to be an anti-Semite to believe that stuff, you just have to hate the Jews. Read more on Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews…
  the re-love-ution will be televised

World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Libertarian yard leprechaun Ron Paul retired from Congress in January after three attempts at the presidency and exactly one bill passed of the 464 he sponsored in the House. Many who noticed his vacancy wondered, how could this void possibly be filled? Not to worry anti-statist-states-righters! Ron Paul has gotten himself an internet channel and for 10 bucks a month he will rub his convictions all up in your intellectual revolution. The Ron Paul Channel launched yesterday and it is clear that the man has some interesting plans for your computer time. Read more on World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing…
  this way for the hugs ladies and gentlemen

Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’

Writing a stupid comment is easy. Writing an epically stupid comment, on the other hand, takes something a little extra, a little special, a little hamsterfucking insane. We think we have found such a winner in our slushpile, kids. In response to Thursday’s story about homophobic sleazehead Tony Perkins being a big lying liar who claimed that Christians face jail time if they don’t bake gay wedding cakes, we received a comment from a gentleman who is not at all pleased: Refusing to participate in a gay wedding doesn’t make you a bigot. I support same-sex marriage, others do not. You people are ridiculous, you should all be running a Death Camp of Tolerance. We are TOTALLY stealing that line. Get ready for Death Camp Of Tolerance coffee cups, tees, and iPhone covers. How about panties? Probably we need panties, too. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’…
  family traditions

Rand Paul’s Social Media Dude, The ‘Southern Avenger,’ Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things

After years of lurking in the shadows of his father’s success, Rand Paul has hired a racist, possibly anti-Semitic staffer to wrangle future Rand-tards using the power of the interwebs and help him assemble his own cadre of misguided white people. There is no way that this will end poorly, and soon it will be raining RAND paul-tards, lucky us! Oh, the name of this new staffer? Oh, it’s just the “Southern Avenger,” but don’t worry, he is not avenging anything that could possibly be construed as racist, like say annually raising a toast to John Wilkes Booth, so it’s fine! Read more on Rand Paul’s Social Media Dude, The ‘Southern Avenger,’ Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things…
  like peter tosh said legalize it

Congress Trying Pot Again

In big fat “can we just got on with this now” marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky Mtn High CO) and Earl Blumenauer (D-It’s fucking raining all the time what do you expect us to do? OR) wrote a bill that would make the evil weed legal and taxable on the federal level, and allow states to decide what they want to do locally. And these guys think this shit has a chance to pass! They are so cute. But here’s hoping this guy isn’t just all toked up on some sweet Northern Lights. “It’s just come to a head,” (see what he did there?) says Blumenauer, “This is largely going to be resolved in the next five years.” Read more on Congress Trying Pot Again…
  stole jenna bush's i.d.

Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome

What’s up, “William Hilton Paul,” if that even is your real name? (What, “Ramada” was taken?) Oh, you just got hauled off from the airport to the pokey for being too rad? Let us examine, together, your charges: When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive. 10:49 a.m.? Young man, we like the cut of your jib! Read more on Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  hail to the slash

At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction

Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon has been given permission by Wonkette’s lovely editrix to promote a pet project here: Hail to the Slash, a crowdsourced repository of slash fiction about presidents and presidential candidates, having sex, with each other and other historical figures! Wonkette is made up of EXACTLY the sort of pervert politics nerds who would find this interesting, so I have high hopes that you will all read the site and follow it on Twitter and submit your own slashfic and tell your pervert friends about it. The stories on the site are submitted by readers like you, but to prove that I’m as game as anyone, I present to you an romantic story featuring Ron Paul and time travel, after the jump. Read more on At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction…
  parting is such sweet sorrow

RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do. Read more on RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers…