Tag Archives: ron paul

  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren’t quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore altogether, and then we, uhhhh… hahahahahaha Yeah, we totally do, man. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries…
  all we want for christmas is everything

Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin

If you know us at all, you know what big fans we are of Sarah Palin. Her folksiness speaks to us. She’s just so down home, which is what we love in a Fox News personality/ex-politician/scam artist. You also likely know that we are really really big believers in the gold standard because of our deep love for Ron Paul and our unexplained yet rabid dislike of the Federal Reserve. That’s why this 24-karat one ounce gold Sarah Palin coin is so high on our Christmas list. Read more on Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin…
  what could go wrong?

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul’s abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry’s zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of “civil uprising” against the government? You are in luck, people, because a couple of retired generals — Army Gen. Paul E. Vallely and Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, who already run a “We Hate Bamz” organization — created something terrifying that they’re calling a “Citizens’ Commission” that purports to exist to give advice to the legislative and executive branches of government but is really just a garden variety demand that Obama resign or else and also, too, taxation is unjust, except, of course, with the added excitement of hoping people will take up arms to accomplish those things. Read more on Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?…
  the re-love-ution will not be televised

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

Hey, kids, here’s a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it’s high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its “laws” and “healthcare mandate” and all that. What’s more, he thinks that there’s really no longer any reason to wait to start watering the ol’ Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants. Speaking in the former capitol of the Confederacy Monday in support of another Lost Cause, Ken Cuccinelli’s campaign for governor of Virginia, Paul said “We need someone to stand up to the authoritarians … They’re dictators.” …He stressed that the constitutional “right to keep and bear arms” was not for hunting, but to allow rebellion against tyrannical governments. “The Second Amendment was not there so you could shoot rabbits,” he said. “Right now today, we have a great threat to our liberties internally.” This talk of the need for revolution is certainly not unfamiliar to gun-fondlers, but as far as we can tell, this is the most direct call that Ron Paul has made for actually shooting people. Right now, today. Well, sure. why not? What could possibly go wrong? Read more on Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate…
  we are shocked...shocked!

Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews

Ron Paul is scheduled to be the keynote speaker for a Sept. 11 conference sponsored by The Fatima Center, a rightwing “radical traditionalist” Catholic group that the Southern Poverty Law Center calls “perhaps the single largest group of hard-core anti-Semites in North America.” But that doesn’t mean that Ron Paul is an anti-Semite, after all. He can’t help it if his message of individual responsibility and kooky yearning for the Gold Standard happens to appeal to a Taliban Catholic group that promotes “New World Order” conspiracy claims and whose publications have published columns criticizing the Pope for “kowtowing” to the “Synagogue of Satan,” argued that Jews are attempting to undermine the Catholic Church on behalf of Satan, and claiming that “Zionist billionaires” have been “financially raping” the Russian people. Besides, you don’t have to be an anti-Semite to believe that stuff, you just have to hate the Jews. Read more on Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews…
  the re-love-ution will be televised

World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Libertarian yard leprechaun Ron Paul retired from Congress in January after three attempts at the presidency and exactly one bill passed of the 464 he sponsored in the House. Many who noticed his vacancy wondered, how could this void possibly be filled? Not to worry anti-statist-states-righters! Ron Paul has gotten himself an internet channel and for 10 bucks a month he will rub his convictions all up in your intellectual revolution. The Ron Paul Channel launched yesterday and it is clear that the man has some interesting plans for your computer time. Read more on World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing…
  this way for the hugs ladies and gentlemen

Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’

Writing a stupid comment is easy. Writing an epically stupid comment, on the other hand, takes something a little extra, a little special, a little hamsterfucking insane. We think we have found such a winner in our slushpile, kids. In response to Thursday’s story about homophobic sleazehead Tony Perkins being a big lying liar who claimed that Christians face jail time if they don’t bake gay wedding cakes, we received a comment from a gentleman who is not at all pleased: Refusing to participate in a gay wedding doesn’t make you a bigot. I support same-sex marriage, others do not. You people are ridiculous, you should all be running a Death Camp of Tolerance. We are TOTALLY stealing that line. Get ready for Death Camp Of Tolerance coffee cups, tees, and iPhone covers. How about panties? Probably we need panties, too. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’…
  family traditions

Rand Paul’s Social Media Dude, The ‘Southern Avenger,’ Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things

After years of lurking in the shadows of his father’s success, Rand Paul has hired a racist, possibly anti-Semitic staffer to wrangle future Rand-tards using the power of the interwebs and help him assemble his own cadre of misguided white people. There is no way that this will end poorly, and soon it will be raining RAND paul-tards, lucky us! Oh, the name of this new staffer? Oh, it’s just the “Southern Avenger,” but don’t worry, he is not avenging anything that could possibly be construed as racist, like say annually raising a toast to John Wilkes Booth, so it’s fine! Read more on Rand Paul’s Social Media Dude, The ‘Southern Avenger,’ Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things…
  like peter tosh said legalize it

Congress Trying Pot Again

In big fat “can we just got on with this now” marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky Mtn High CO) and Earl Blumenauer (D-It’s fucking raining all the time what do you expect us to do? OR) wrote a bill that would make the evil weed legal and taxable on the federal level, and allow states to decide what they want to do locally. And these guys think this shit has a chance to pass! They are so cute. But here’s hoping this guy isn’t just all toked up on some sweet Northern Lights. “It’s just come to a head,” (see what he did there?) says Blumenauer, “This is largely going to be resolved in the next five years.” Read more on Congress Trying Pot Again…
  stole jenna bush's i.d.

Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome

What’s up, “William Hilton Paul,” if that even is your real name? (What, “Ramada” was taken?) Oh, you just got hauled off from the airport to the pokey for being too rad? Let us examine, together, your charges: When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive. 10:49 a.m.? Young man, we like the cut of your jib! Read more on Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  hail to the slash

At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction

Greetings, Wonketteers! Your Comics Curmudgeon has been given permission by Wonkette’s lovely editrix to promote a pet project here: Hail to the Slash, a crowdsourced repository of slash fiction about presidents and presidential candidates, having sex, with each other and other historical figures! Wonkette is made up of EXACTLY the sort of pervert politics nerds who would find this interesting, so I have high hopes that you will all read the site and follow it on Twitter and submit your own slashfic and tell your pervert friends about it. The stories on the site are submitted by readers like you, but to prove that I’m as game as anyone, I present to you an romantic story featuring Ron Paul and time travel, after the jump. Read more on At Last, There Is A Website For Your Homoerotic Presidential Fan Fiction…
  parting is such sweet sorrow

RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do. Read more on RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers…
  craz old men

Ron Paul Just Doesn’t Get Why The GOP Can’t Let Him Have Everything

Remember when we told you about all of those “factions” that the GOP has created and is now desperately trying to control and is whining about to the New York typists? Some of them, as it turns out, are easier to control than others. Like Ron Paul fans, who will not be placated because Ryan references the gold standard and because people shout “USA! USA!” at them whenever they try to nominate their candidate. What do they think this is, a political convention wherein members of their party nominate candidates of their choice according to a set of fixed rules and regulations? No, it is not anything like that; it is a teevee show of a coronation, and it’s Mitt’s Time. Read more on Ron Paul Just Doesn’t Get Why The GOP Can’t Let Him Have Everything…
  Old School Crazy

Wingnut GOP Candidate Declares Self Senator In *Real* U.S. Government Because Sekrit 1871 Law Stole Constitution

Let’s say you want to be a member of the Iowa Senate, but you decide that actually running for the seat is expensive and tedious, and you realize that even if you win, you’re mostly going to be voting on a lot of boring local issues, probably involving corn. Wouldn’t it be more fun to go straight to national office, maybe the Senate? But a candidacy in that arena costs even MORE time and money, and even if you won, you’d still have to think about corn. Subsidies, probably. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just BE a U.S. Senator without all the trouble of “winning an election”? Well, meet Randi Shannon! She was running for Iowa’s 34th District senate seat, but on July 4 announced that she had “accepted the position of U.S. Senator in The Republic of The United States of America,” a pretend club of PatrioLoons who are taking America back from the illegitimate “UNITED STATES CORPORATION” (you have to type that in all-caps, because all-caps things are magically different legal entities from their lowercase counterparts). It will undoubtedly come as a shock to many to learn that Ms. Shannon is a Ron Paul supporter and a home-schooling advocate. She also opposes children being vaccinated. Read more on Wingnut GOP Candidate Declares Self Senator In *Real* U.S. Government Because Sekrit 1871 Law Stole Constitution…
  unnecessary

Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)

Quick, let’s brainstorm about the dumbest, most irrelevant data point with which we could attempt to analyze this presidential election! And while you’re shouting answers at your computer machines, know that nothing you suggest could be as colossally moronic as this: “At CafePress…we have been tracking 2012 election presidential candidate support via The Meter graph.” By tracking the race, they mean the T-shirt sales from the AOL of online print-on-demand outfits. So who is going to be our next president as foretold by shitty T-shirts? Ron Paul, of course. Unless it’s that NOBAMA fellow, who is now in a dead heat (for CafePress t-shirts sales) with Paul. The next president either will be the current president or a 70-something backbench Congressman from rural Texas who couldn’t muster a single primary or caucus win in his two consecutive presidential campaigns. Someone go stuff that Nate Silver fellow in a sack with a rabid wolverine and then toss him off a bridge. We no longer need his elitist (gay math) “regression analysis” to understand politics. Read more on Who Will Be President Of T-Shirts? (Hint: It Is Ron Paul)…