ron paul
RON PAUL! Supporter Harasses Mittens About Interracial Procreation
Flaccid Mitt Romney was out in Howard, Wisconsin to tell more crappy jokes to old people today when who interrupts him but a supporter of Doctor Congressman Ron Paul, a man who ran for president in 2011. He kept hollerin at Romney about the Mormon religion’s attitudes regarding black people, and black people who spawn [...]
And The Most Nepotistic Member of Congress Award Goes To…
A chilling new report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington shows that this member of Congress’s campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter’s mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and [...]
Confirmed: Ron Paul Is A Hobbit, Will Throw Power Ring Into Fire Mountain
For years and years, society (“the Wonkette blog”) has suspected that Doctor Congressman Ron Paul was a prickly hobbit from the Shire, where the hobbits live in isolation and smoke the Forest Weede all day. If not this, then what? And so we thank Ron Paul senior campaign adviser aide person Doug Wead for finally [...]
Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?
It is now time for an important Phriday Photo Phun Contest! Buzzfeed’s continuing mission to unearth every possible comical Romney clan photo from the far corners of the Internet has finally hit pay dirt with some hawt topless Mitt Romney pixxx. How does shirtless Mitt Romney stack up next to the other Republican presidential candidates? [...]
Liveblogging Your Sloopy Tarsday: Part VI
Dying and it’s only 8:30 PST. How do you people DO THIS all the time? Kirsten and I are going to liveblog Cougartown. GET READY! 11:30 — “What a huge caucus” — Wolf Blitzer.
Sooper Toosday Liveblog Cuatro: Get It Together Already, Ohio Results
We have been watching Wolf Blitzer check in with all of CNN’s weird “cock-us cams” molesting exit polls workers around the country for a few hours now, and now we are watching Rick Santorum give an incoherent lecture to a group of cheerleaders trying to ignore him as they finish Tuesday night practice in a [...]
Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent
Hello. What are you doing? It’s time to figure out what some quadrilateral land masses think about three organic masses and one gas, which were each forced to apply for Obama’s job because their tyrannical wives and gas-wife made them. We would say, We are watching this very closely, but that would be plagiarism, so [...]
Ron Paul To Put America Back On the Chocolate Bar Standard
Ron Paul not-actual delegate (class of ’08) Garrett Quinn sends us this delightful Ron Paul promotional item, from the eccentric old man’s candy factory, which has been shrouded in secrecy ever since Ron Paul fired all his black workers, for stealing, and replaced them with hobbits.
Liveblogging The Last Arizona Apocalypse & The End Of All Things
Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker [...]
Each GOP Candidate To Lose Home State, Since They Hate Him There Most
Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had [...]
Ron Paul Dirties Self With Santorum So Mitt Romney Doesn’t Have To
Ron Paul is doing all the work for his absolute best best best friend in history, Mitt Romney. Look at this here scary new ad about Rick Santorum, perhaps titled “Rick Santorum Voted For Everything That Everyone Except Me Voted For,” such as the foreign aid budget and hikes in the debt ceiling. Are Ron [...]
Ocupados To Terrorize CPAC To Its Bitter Core
The DC-area Occupy people, having been kicked out of their park this weekend, have a fun new thing in the works: Occupying CPAC. It’s just around the corner, so why not? According to the Occupiers’ website, they will “march to the Marriott” to “create as much non-violent resistance as possible, and make this a conference [...]
Santorum Correctly Warns GOP They ‘Can Do Better’ Than Mitt Romney
Well, Florida happened and HURRAH! We may never again have to hear the phrase “Space Coast,” or watch another remote feed from living crematorium and unmanaged-anger community The Villages. Romney managed to not be too deeply loathed by 46 percent of Republican voters while Newt received a non-hatred rating of 32 percent, and vowed to [...]
Gingrich Security Heartlessly Tries To Break Toes of Ron Paul Supporter
Probable Florida primary loser and mean-spirited twerp Newt Gingrich will FAIL to colonize the moon because he will never become president, but you know what he CAN colonize? That one little patch of grass, yeah that one right over there where a lone Ron Paul supporter is standing quietly holding up a sign. Newt Gingrich [...]
Liveblogging the LAST GOP Debate (Until the Next One, Which Is Soon)
Welcome to the last GOP presidential debate of …eh, “tonight” is about all we can say for certain these days. UGH. Here’s a preview: Newt Gingrich will sneer at some minority and the audience will gnaw its fingers off with excitement, Mitt Romney will be asked to compare and contrast the feeling of wiping his [...]
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