Tag Archives: ron paul

  None Dare Call It Stupid

Oath-Keepers Founder: Let’s Hang John McCain For Being Hitler

In a better, stronger America, this sticker would be larger. Damn you, John McCain!
Hey, what are those charming Oath Keepers up to this week, as part of their Keeping of Oaths? How about the anti-government militia group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes, calling for Sen. John McCain to be tried for treason for his many crimey crimes and then “hung by the neck until dead,” maybe? Or in Militia-land, just another day of protecting America from its own elected government. Read more on Oath-Keepers Founder: Let’s Hang John McCain For Being Hitler…
  Daddy issues

Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus

Ted Cruz’s ex-drunk ex-deadbeat dad, Rafael, is a swell guy who loves to spread The Good Word about how God hand-selected his boy Ted to be the next president of the United States of Jesus. And also, of course, the Penultimate Good Word about how Obama sucks, as he did yet again while testifying to a group of Georgia teabaggers. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus…
  Ready for Rand Because Why Not?

Happy Rand Paul Is Running For President Day, Everyone!

I got this one, DAD
It’s another glorious day in U.S. America, because according to our calendar — which we marked with lots of lolz and smiley faces and some more lolz — today is the day Senator Doctor Rand Paul declares he is running for president, hooray! Read more on Happy Rand Paul Is Running For President Day, Everyone!…
  Line On The Left; One Cross Each

Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus

Not actually from Idaho; might as well be
In a shocking rejection of the Lord, Idaho’s Kootenai County Republican Central Committee has refused to move forward proposed resolution to declare Idaho a “Christian state.” Tuesday night’s vote greatly disappointed God, His Only Begotten Son, and the members of the committee who had been pushing the nonbinding resolution as a way of telling the world that Idaho was not going to stand for all the vicious attacks on Christianity that have been going on everywhere. Read more on Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus…
  libertarianism now libertarianism tomorrow libertarianism forever

Ron Paul Escapes Tethers In Son’s Basement, Heads To Fun Secession Conference For Fun

You know who else served stale croissants while yammering about liberty to a crowd?
How much fun are we going to have in 2016 watching a couple of the candidates in the GOP clown car gagging their insane fathers, shoving them into canvas sacks and dumping them into the Potomac, only to have the crazy old men chew through the gags and the canvas and paddle to the surface, where they will suck in lungfuls of air and begin spouting off about tyranny and bitcoins? Hang on, we’ve got to wipe off our keyboard. Read more on Ron Paul Escapes Tethers In Son’s Basement, Heads To Fun Secession Conference For Fun…
  The Incredible Gurney

Conservatives Oppose Executing Mentally Ill Texas Man, For Good Of Death Penalty

We have to be civilized about this
Here’s a story for your “Wait, conservative Christians said what?” files. Back in October, we mentioned the case of Scott Pannetti, a Texas inmate who is severely schizophrenic and believes he had to kill his in-laws as part of his ongoing battle against Satan. Texas authorities believe he has been faking mental illness — not just at the time of the 1992 murders, but all his life, apparently. The case is a typical Texas fuck-tussle of injustice, complete with a “mental health evaluation” by a state-paid psychiatrist who never used a single psychiatric test to assess Panetti before determining that he was definitely faking. Go read Stephanie Mencimer’s excellent piece in Mother Jones if you’d like a refresher course in why no one should ever trust death penalty verdicts in Texas. Read more on Conservatives Oppose Executing Mentally Ill Texas Man, For Good Of Death Penalty…
  Tree Of Liberty Has No Comment At This Time

Anti-Government Loon Shot Up Austin, Has Nothing To Do With Other Anti-Government Loons

Tea Partier, or Renaissance Fair anachronism?
Here’s something you may have missed if you spent the weekend driving to Missoula and back so you could read some Kurt Vonnegut lovey-dovey stuff at your boss’s wedding. An antigovernment gun nut drove around downtown Austin, Texas, in the wee hours of Friday morning, firing over 100 rounds at police headquarters, a bank, and the federal courthouse. He also tried to burn down the Mexican consulate. Read more on Anti-Government Loon Shot Up Austin, Has Nothing To Do With Other Anti-Government Loons…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ron Paul Tells Dumb Son To Shut His Big Stupid Yap

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Grab your popcorn, it’s time for another round of Republican Daddy Issues: Ron Paul, who is a medical doctor, pointed out that an estimated 3,000 to 49,000 people died every year from influenza, but no one was considering a travel ban to stop the flu from spreading. Read more on Ron Paul Tells Dumb Son To Shut His Big Stupid Yap…
  Shell Shocker

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long wait, what with the guilty plea last week by Ken Sorenson, a former Iowa state senator who admitted taking bribes to switch his endorsement from Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul shortly before the Iowa caucuses in 2012. What the what? How is bribery in the Iowa caucuses two years ago connected to Yertle’s Senate hopes? Let us connect ye olde dots for you! Read more on Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat, Sorry ‘Bout That Nazi Pasta, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Who needs more coffee? And donuts? You, you over there, you were supposed to bring the donuts. BREAKING!!! Stop the presses (or the pixels, whatever): Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it’s called Charmmy Kitty. Now you know. Read more on Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat, Sorry ‘Bout That Nazi Pasta, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  This Is What We Did All Day

DJ Tanner Is Not Amused In Today’s Happy Links!

Hope you had a great work week and are heading to Happytown for the weekend! Hooray! Enjoy our tales of OJ Simpson, DJ Tanner, Carmen Electra, some motorcycle dude, Stephen Colbert, Ron Paul, and more! It’s a big ol’ party in today’s Happy Links. Read more on DJ Tanner Is Not Amused In Today’s Happy Links!…
  Oscar Contender

Ron Paul Will Act At You In Atlas Shrugged: Part III

Clocking in at around 645,000 words, Atlas Shrugged is Ayn Rand’s magnum derpus. So it makes sense that the film version has been stretched out into three full-length movies, because how else are you going to cram all that Objectivist TRUTH into the hollow skulls of the American sheeple? Read more on Ron Paul Will Act At You In Atlas Shrugged: Part III…
  very definitely having a cow

Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!

The Great Big Freedom to Never Pay Grazing Fees Revolution continues to bubble right along, although the Bureau of Land Management released Cliven Bundy’s cheerfully-trespassing cattle and has backed off from its plans to seize them. Still, there are rumblings in the Wingnuttosphere that this is far from over, because for one thing Bundy still owes the $1 million in unpaid grazing fees (we’ll assume that includes penalties & interest?) and also because it’s just too good a story, so militia loons are continuing to stay at the Bundy ranch and make noises about how the Federal Government has just gone too far by insisting that people who run cattle on federal land actually need to pay for that. Tyranny! And patriotic citizens who can’t make it out to Nevada are also getting involved, like the sad online activist who tried to leave a comment here at yr mommyblog to promote his project to name & shame some jackbooted thugs, but discovered that Wonkette Does Not Allow Comments. And even though they had a really compelling message — “Help rat out Dirty Harry Reid’s minions! http://mercid.wordpress.com/ “ — we didn’t let them into the comments section, because we are liberal fascists. But we did look at their dumb blog, and it was so spectacularly bad that you need to see it. Read more on Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!…
  bonus clipbait

Jimmy Fallon Stars In The Vladimir Putin Cold War Kickstarter Campaign

Because we are a Happy Nice Time blog not a Geopolitical Feelings blog, we don’t talk a ton about Russia, even though we’ve learned that Edward Snowden thinks they are super awesome on human rights and Ron Paul lurrrvvees them. We will, however, succumb to Russia-talking if it involves Jimmy Fallon as Vladimir Putin. Read more on Jimmy Fallon Stars In The Vladimir Putin Cold War Kickstarter Campaign…
  something for everyone

America’s New Boyfriend Randy Weber Likes Long Walks, Snuggling, And Calling Obama A Socialist — Just Like You!

Sorry, were you feeling left out because we told you that Cathy McMorris Rodgers was America’s New Sweetheart, but your sweetheart tastes do not run towards ladies, thankyewverymuch? Never fear. We are all-inclusive in our sweetheart finding and loving and praising here at Wonkette, and we have found you a delightful male counterpart to Chatty Cathy. Ladies and Gentlemen who prefer Gentlemen, we give you America’s New Sweetheart, Boy-Flavored Edition: Rep. Randy Weber. Randy was already on our radar thanks to his tireless devotion to making sure that he shall never have to endure the spectre of a gay marriage right there in front of his good Christian eyes. Dammit. We’re sorry if this is going to make it awkward for you boy types that were hoping to someday join in holy matrimony with your new crush object Randy, but at this point, we are limited to two new sweethearts. Think of them like a really malevolent prom king and queen. But enough about your pathetic search for love. Let’s learn about Randy! Randy turned pro last night during the State of the Union by kicking his Twitter feed into high gear with the sort of snotty tweets usually reserved for people with egg avatars and zero followers. Read more on America’s New Boyfriend Randy Weber Likes Long Walks, Snuggling, And Calling Obama A Socialist — Just Like You!…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries

Duuuuuudes. Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the (*koff!*) weekly feature where we roll up whatever seeds and stems are left from stories that weren’t quite compelling enough to make a full post, but too stoopid to ignore altogether, and then we, uhhhh… hahahahahaha Yeah, we totally do, man. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Grab Bag Of Grotesqueries…
  all we want for christmas is everything

Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin

If you know us at all, you know what big fans we are of Sarah Palin. Her folksiness speaks to us. She’s just so down home, which is what we love in a Fox News personality/ex-politician/scam artist. You also likely know that we are really really big believers in the gold standard because of our deep love for Ron Paul and our unexplained yet rabid dislike of the Federal Reserve. That’s why this 24-karat one ounce gold Sarah Palin coin is so high on our Christmas list. Read more on Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin…
  what could go wrong?

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul’s abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry’s zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of “civil uprising” against the government? You are in luck, people, because a couple of retired generals — Army Gen. Paul E. Vallely and Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, who already run a “We Hate Bamz” organization — created something terrifying that they’re calling a “Citizens’ Commission” that purports to exist to give advice to the legislative and executive branches of government but is really just a garden variety demand that Obama resign or else and also, too, taxation is unjust, except, of course, with the added excitement of hoping people will take up arms to accomplish those things. Read more on Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?…
  the re-love-ution will not be televised

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

Hey, kids, here’s a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it’s high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its “laws” and “healthcare mandate” and all that. What’s more, he thinks that there’s really no longer any reason to wait to start watering the ol’ Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants. Speaking in the former capitol of the Confederacy Monday in support of another Lost Cause, Ken Cuccinelli’s campaign for governor of Virginia, Paul said “We need someone to stand up to the authoritarians … They’re dictators.” …He stressed that the constitutional “right to keep and bear arms” was not for hunting, but to allow rebellion against tyrannical governments. “The Second Amendment was not there so you could shoot rabbits,” he said. “Right now today, we have a great threat to our liberties internally.” This talk of the need for revolution is certainly not unfamiliar to gun-fondlers, but as far as we can tell, this is the most direct call that Ron Paul has made for actually shooting people. Right now, today. Well, sure. why not? What could possibly go wrong? Read more on Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate…
  we are shocked...shocked!

Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews

Ron Paul is scheduled to be the keynote speaker for a Sept. 11 conference sponsored by The Fatima Center, a rightwing “radical traditionalist” Catholic group that the Southern Poverty Law Center calls “perhaps the single largest group of hard-core anti-Semites in North America.” But that doesn’t mean that Ron Paul is an anti-Semite, after all. He can’t help it if his message of individual responsibility and kooky yearning for the Gold Standard happens to appeal to a Taliban Catholic group that promotes “New World Order” conspiracy claims and whose publications have published columns criticizing the Pope for “kowtowing” to the “Synagogue of Satan,” argued that Jews are attempting to undermine the Catholic Church on behalf of Satan, and claiming that “Zionist billionaires” have been “financially raping” the Russian people. Besides, you don’t have to be an anti-Semite to believe that stuff, you just have to hate the Jews. Read more on Ron Paul Doesn’t Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews…
  the re-love-ution will be televised

World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Libertarian yard leprechaun Ron Paul retired from Congress in January after three attempts at the presidency and exactly one bill passed of the 464 he sponsored in the House. Many who noticed his vacancy wondered, how could this void possibly be filled? Not to worry anti-statist-states-righters! Ron Paul has gotten himself an internet channel and for 10 bucks a month he will rub his convictions all up in your intellectual revolution. The Ron Paul Channel launched yesterday and it is clear that the man has some interesting plans for your computer time. Read more on World Savior Ron Paul’s Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing…