Tag Archives: ron johnson

  Don't Pass Don't Help

Senate Republicans Love All Veterans Except Gay Kind

Things were a lot more carefree in WW II
It’s great to know how much Republicans love The Troops, as long as The Troops are about to go blow some stuff up somewhere and keep the world safe for whatever it is we’re keeping safe this month. Once they get home, or if they’re not about to go blow anything up, well, then things get more complicated. Which is why Senate Republicans blocked an amendment to the 2016 National Defense Authorization Act that would have provided gay veterans’ spouses and families what’s already Defense Department policy for active duty service members: completely equal benefits regardless of their spouse’s gender. The amendment, offered by New Hampshire Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, was supported by all 45 Senate Democrats and eight Republicans, but the 53-42 vote fell short of the 60 votes needed to pass. Read more on Senate Republicans Love All Veterans Except Gay Kind…
  No one could have predicted

Surprise! GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare Will Just Make It Worse

Good job everyone!
Here’s a fun fact you already knew, but now there is math to back it up. That Republican Senate bill to salvage Obamacare tax subsidies (while still gutting other parts of Obamacare), just in case the Supreme Court overturns them and every single American blame the GOP for taking away their healthcare? Yeah, that bill sucks. Read more on Surprise! GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare Will Just Make It Worse…
  Careful what you wish for

Let’s Watch The GOP Cage Fight With Itself About Obamacare, Again

... for Republicans
As Senate Republicans have slowly — very slowly — begun to realize that “We’re trying to take away your healthcare, for your FREEDOM!” is not a very good campaign slogan, they’re trying to figure out how to save themselves and their jobs just in case the Supreme Court agrees with them that subsidized healthcare is ILLEGAL and grants their wish to kill that part of Obamacare, with judicial fire. That’s why Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Asshole) introduced a bill in April to restore subsidies for the millions of Obamacare enrollees who would lose coverage, and Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and the rest of their party’s leadership in the Senate support this legislation because they really care about making sure Americans don’t lose their healthcare. By which we mean they really care about making sure they don’t lose their jobs in the 2016 election. There’s just one teeny tiny problem for Johnson and the rest of his Senate colleagues, and it’s coming from inside the House: Read more on Let’s Watch The GOP Cage Fight With Itself About Obamacare, Again…
  How dare you quote his own words to him

GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Traitor)
Check out this giant steaming pile of Iran-shaped elephant manure Wisconsin’s Republican Sen. Ron Johnson stepped in: “Now, a President who was awarded the 2013 Politifact Lie of the Year, if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, period. If you like your doctor you can keep it, period. They lied boldfaced to the American public repeatedly with Obamacare,” the Wisconsin senator said at a recent town hall in Cerdarburg, Wisconsin. Read more on GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now…
  Save us Democrats you're our only hope

Senate Republicans Introduce Bill To Protect Obamacare From Senate Republicans

Waaaaaah
Obamcare is SO bad and SO unpopular and SO epic fail, and that is why the American people have been looking to the GOP all these years to save them from the awful thing. And now Senate Republicans have a plan to do just that — with a bill to protect Obamacare: Read more on Senate Republicans Introduce Bill To Protect Obamacare From Senate Republicans…
  College Has Never Been Fun

Senate Republicans Have Had It With These College Kids And Their Luxurious Student Loans

Don't even get us started on those young ruffians careening around in flivvers while wearing raccoon coats!
A couple of Republican senators have finally figured out how to reduce the cost of higher education: Yell at college students who keep blowing their student loan money on nice things that they do not deserve. Like weed and porn, probably. Read more on Senate Republicans Have Had It With These College Kids And Their Luxurious Student Loans…
  waaaaaaah

Republicans: Oh, You Lost Your Obamacare, Well Boo Hoo Hoo

Republicans are SO excited at the possibility of the Supreme Court murdering Obamacare, finally, but it won’t all be unicorns and rainbows and the free market allowing you the freedom to die from lack of access to healthcare. There will also be, sigh and eyeroll,  the unfortunate but inevitable attempt by the Obama administration to, like, fix that. This is what keeps Republican Sen. Ron Johnson up at night, apparently: Read more on Republicans: Oh, You Lost Your Obamacare, Well Boo Hoo Hoo…
  #MadAboutAThing

Senator Ron Johnson To Little Lady Senator: Pics Or GTFO

Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson (R-Of course) has only been a member of the United States Senate for about five minutes (technically he was elected in 2010, which in Senate years is five minutes), but he sure knows a thing or three about how there has never been a single moment of less-than-perfect decorum. (He was not yet in the Senate when Vice President Dick Cheney told Sen. Patrick Leahy to quote unquote GO FUCK YOURSELF back in 2004, so that wouldn’t even count.) Read more on Senator Ron Johnson To Little Lady Senator: Pics Or GTFO…
  Beat the press

Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!

gassy
  Still Life With Al Jazeera and Teargas. Image from video by KSDK As the teargas wafts away from the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, and the some of the members of the media covering the Mike Brown protests start to drift away to cover more pressing stories like the VMAs, let’s take a look back to see who came out ahead in the Battle to Cover Ferguson: the po-po or the journos. Read more on Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!…
  tales of a social media nothing

Police Officer Learns Not To Share Every Racist Thought He Has About Ferguson

If you are a cop who has been working in Ferguson for the last couple of weeks, you have already engaged in some egregiously stupid shit. Might we suggest you not compound your already-monstrous civil action liabilities by using your Twitter accounts to lie about the ongoing protests or yap about how much you would like to punch Attorney General Eric Holder in the face? Read more on Police Officer Learns Not To Share Every Racist Thought He Has About Ferguson…
  paging captain ron

Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson

brohug
Attorney General Eric Holder spent Wednesday checking on the progress of Barack Obama’s tyrannical federal takeover of Missouri, and while he was there, he had what we assume is a totally coincidental path-crossing with Ron Johnson, captain of the State Highway Patrol and Guy Who’s In Charge Around Here. Holder had taken a break from inspiring local community college students and usurping the state’s right to gloss over its own (potential) wrongdoing to have some lunch at Drake’s Place in Ferguson. Happenstancely, that’s just when Ron Johnson got hungry too! What are the odds? (The odds are nil because obviously, Ron Johnson is a MACHINE that runs on adrenaline and integrity.) Read more on Eric Holder Will Save Captain Ron’s Marriage So He Can Keep Saving Ferguson…
  seems legit

Now Captain Ron Johnson Is a Gang Member, Sure Why Not

'bout to start a riot probably
Thank goodness we live in a POST-RACIAL SOCIETY, where black people are not automatically suspected of being gang members for making shapes with their hands. Hahaha, just kidding! Everyone knows black people use their hands like this, white people use their hands like that. So now, in addition to the foregone conclusion that Ferguson teen Michael Brown was most definitely a gangsta hopped up on marijuana and rap music, some doofus on the interwebs is just wonderin’ if Missouri Highway Patrol Captain Ron Johnson may also be flashing gang signs, as every single black person does because they are all in gangs, as we all know. Thankfully and tragically, the Washington Post is here to dispel that rumor: Read more on Now Captain Ron Johnson Is a Gang Member, Sure Why Not…
  Thugghazi

Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug

Think tank is so thinky
In times of civil unrest and racial tension and cops killing unarmed black teenagers, the number one expert you want to explain it to you is wingnut radio gum-flapper Laura Ingraham. That’s just obvious, at least if you are a Fox & Friends bobblehead: Read more on Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug…
  Our Post-Racial Racists

Donald Trump Has More Thoughts About The Blacks

Including the date makes it worse, somehow
Just in case you worry that the Liberal Media doesn’t give sufficient attention to all sides of controversial issues, Wonkette is pleased to bring you the views of some goober-brained fuckheads on the recent unrest in Ferguson, Missouri. First up: In St. Louis, Missouri, a few dozen protesters showed up at a rally Sunday in support of Darren Wilson, the Ferguson cop who shot and killed Michael Brown. It was billed as a counter-protest to the rallies in Ferguson, and was presumably held in St. Louis because why would they go to Ferguson, are you crazy? Read more on Donald Trump Has More Thoughts About The Blacks…
  It's Baaaaaack

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday Returns, Now With 40% More Racial Tension

Mom always read the Times to us dring the Nixon administration
Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday is back, kids, and of course we have to start our perusal of the Newspaper of Record with its coverage of events overnight in Ferguson, Missouri. Not surprisingly, the midnight curfew declared by Gov. Jay Nixon yesterday didn’t exactly bring peace and quiet — demonstrations continued, the police fired tear gas, and seven demonstrators were arrested. Why the tear gas, after Capt. Ron Johnson had promised that it wouldn’t be used? At a press conference, Johnson Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday Returns, Now With 40% More Racial Tension…
  Top Cops

A Snark-Free Welcome to Captain Ron Johnson, New King of Ferguson

Greetings, Captain Ron Johnson of the Missouri State Highway Patrol. Photo: Jamil Smith via Twitter It’s not true what they say. Liberals, even liberals from the big city, don’t hate everyone in law enforcement. Speaking on behalf of the liberal media cabal, we’re behind you, Ron Johnson, in the dicey assignment you’ve just been handed as the new top cop in Ferguson. You seem like a good choice. We don’t blame you for the almost comical overreaction of the police over the past several days of protests, since you were not in charge. You are as innocent as a newborn baby to us because like pretty much everyone in America we have no reason to have heard of you. Read more on A Snark-Free Welcome to Captain Ron Johnson, New King of Ferguson…
  that's a clown question bro

Idiot Senator Complains About Lack Of Benghazi Briefings He Skipped, Just Like The Other Idiots (UPDATE!)

Come on. What difference does it make that Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, last seen getting clowned by Hillary Clinton, wasn’t at the intelligence briefing on Benghazi? At John Kerry’s somnolent confirmation hearing for Secretary of State on Thursday, Kerry showed up Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Galt’s Gulch), on the latter’s very serious public crusade to get to the bottom of the killing of the American Ambassador in Benghazi — revealing that Johnson himself didn’t attend the intelligence briefing. (SEE UPDATE BELOW.) Perhaps he was busy at the press conference where Walnuts, Graham, and whatsername, WHERE’STHEGIRL, were complaining that they weren’t getting intelligence briefings, while the intelligence briefing was going on. Read more on Idiot Senator Complains About Lack Of Benghazi Briefings He Skipped, Just Like The Other Idiots (UPDATE!)…
  it's a mad mad mad mad mad mad world

Michelle Malkin: No One Is Mad Enough About Benghazi Except Michelle Malkin

Tiny rage-fueled harridan Michelle Malkin is VERY MAD you guys! EXTREMELY MAD. Yr Wonkette is aware that this is typically no news whatsoever, but today she is mad at the GOP for being “sychophantic” to…wait for it…Hillary Clinton. Did Michelle Malkin see the same hearings we saw yesterday? The one where Rand Paul said he would have “relieved her from her post” in the imaginary land where Rand Paul is president? The one where John McCain blather-berated her endlessly, while silently seething, STILL, that he is not president? Michelle Malkin did not see these things! Instead, she saw a land where the GOP was just TOO DARN DEFERENT. Read more on Michelle Malkin: No One Is Mad Enough About Benghazi Except Michelle Malkin…
  also too benghazi

Let’s Watch Hillary Clinton Yell At Some Idiot Senator!

Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Beyonce. Read more on Let’s Watch Hillary Clinton Yell At Some Idiot Senator!…
  when things come undone

Sen. Ron Johnson Considers Classic ‘Pivot’ Of Firing Everyone

Any savvy DC insider worth a toot knows that the most effective senators, historically speaking, are the ones who fire all of their legislative staff to focus more on jabbering idiotic nonsense to no one. This was basically the thesis of Schoolhouse Rock, after all “I’m just a bill. Yes, I’m only a bill. And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill, waiting to be not written by Ron Johnson, who is useless.” Read more on Sen. Ron Johnson Considers Classic ‘Pivot’ Of Firing Everyone…
  major oily ron

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Opponent Ron Johnson Owns Lots of BP Stock

Despite Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.’s brilliant campaign against homosexuality, abortion, and pornography, the Wisconsin GOP Convention endorsed “Oshkosh businessman” (the place or the child overalls?) Ron Johnson. This afternoon the DSCC e-mailed us a press release letting us know that Ron Johnson owns stock in evil oil spiller British Petroleum. This is supposed to make us want to support the Democratic candidate Russ Feingold. Yet, the fact is, Russ Feingold also owns stock in businesses, some of which are probably also bad sometimes. You know who doesn’t own stock in businesses? Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Read more on Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Opponent Ron Johnson Owns Lots of BP Stock…