Tag Archives: ron fournier

  but really this is terrible food

Republicans Are So In Love With Chick-Fil-A Maybe They Should Gay Marry It

The Almighty’s favorite chicken sammich
National Journal, Ron Fournier’s Church of Both Sides Do It, is out with some Very Serious Journalism™: It turns out that, after Chick-fil-A was outed as a shitty fast-food company run by gay-hating Christianists oppressed by the Gay Mafia and the Feminazis, congressional Republicans decided they really, really loved them some fried chicken sandwiches, like, all the time, for the Lord. Read more on Republicans Are So In Love With Chick-Fil-A Maybe They Should Gay Marry It…
  What a quandary

GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb

See that crew cut up there? That’s Scott Perry, representative for Pennsylvania’s fourth congressional district, spanning a wide swath along the portion of the state known as Pennsyltucky, which is basically everything between Philly and Pittsburgh, a general morass of meth and dumb interspersed with the occasional Amish. Anyway, Perry was hanging out with Yr Wonkette’s second-favorite Mooslim-hater — really, you need to ask who’s number one? — the other day for something called the Defeat Jihad Summit, which must have been a hoot, can’t believe we missed it. Eventually the subject turned, as these things do, to the Authorization to Use Military Force against the Islamic State that the president requested earlier this week. Read more on GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb…
  romney would have done it better

Obama Is Bad Commie, Shrinks Deficit Again

Glad that's all behind us now
Do you remember the Great Deficit Panic of 2011? How Obamacare and The Stimulus and the GM Bailout were going to bankrupt the country? How our children were going to be left roaming the streets, forced to dumpster-dive for scraps because of oppressive socialist taxes? How we had The Sequester? How the Very Serious People decided Obama needed to Show Leadership, and how the president was willing to gut Social Security to appease the Ron Fucking Fourniers of the Beltway? How this mercifully fell apart because the Republicans weren’t willing to tax the Rich even if Obama ratfucked the Olds? How we had a Deficit Commission that was supposed to reach a Grand Bargain but could not because the Republicans were like we will only give you a Grand Bargain if you do everything we say, otherwise fuck this shit? And how none of this could possibly be George W. Bush’s fault, even though he dropped a $1.4 million deficit turd on Obummer’s desk on his way out of the Oval? Read more on Obama Is Bad Commie, Shrinks Deficit Again…
  If Only Obama Would Lead Part LXVIII

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy

Our eyes will be on Old Handsome Joe. We hear Obama's going to talk, too.
Bland centrist Ron Fournier, who seems to aspire to be David Broder without all the edginess, has graced us with some standards for judging Barack Obama’s State of the Union address tonight. Needless to say, he thinks the Republican takeover of the Senate presents America with a beautiful opportunity for Democrats and Republicans to “begin governing together” like good boys and girls — if only Obama doesn’t poison everything by trying to enact his agenda. Fournier tut-tuts: Read more on Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy…
  aye yai yai!

Evil Obama Planned To Send Secret Messages To Browns Only

Still the worst
Thank goodness for the wingnuts, who are keeping tabs on El Jefe Barack de la Martinez Diaz Obama and his conspiracy with the racists of La Raza to stealthily send hordes of brown people to conquer America while all the godly white people are distracted by their NASCAR and their Serial podcasts. Otherwise Obama would just quietly announce his new executive action on immigration to the dusky-hued masses, and no one of importance would notice! Read more on Evil Obama Planned To Send Secret Messages To Browns Only…
  dept. of having many leather-bound books

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Tries To Defend Himself, Re-Steps On His Own Dick

Important thoughts from a man who looks like a thumb.
Poop spigot Ron Fournier took quite a hiding on the Internet yesterday over his regular outbreak of “both sides-ism,” and rightly so. Today he is back to try to explain himself with a whiny and defensive column that still manages to be flat-out wrong. If yesterday’s piece was the dumpster fire of centrist columns, today’s is the political pundit equivalent of that Harmony Korine movie about people who like to fuck garbage. And yet, today he’s also getting an example of both sides-ism that is probably giving No Labels an orgasm powerful enough to blow a hole in space. Let’s take a look! Read more on Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Tries To Defend Himself, Re-Steps On His Own Dick…
  leading leaders lead with leadership

Serious Pundit: Dumb Obama Forced GOP To Vote Against GOP Healthcare Plan

Was there any other picture we could have used?
Ron Fournier has written many dumb columns in his career. In fact, Ron Fournier has written only dumb columns in his career. But today he has outdone himself by gracing our political centrists, yearning as they are for some bipartisanship, with the dumbest column of his, nay, of any pundit’s career. This column is the dumpster fire of centrist columns, the shining example of everything wrong with punditry. It should be framed and hung in the Newseum for all to see — at least until the oceans rise enough to drown Washington — as a warning, preferably with a giant sign reading ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO WANT TO GET INVITED ON THE SUNDAY CHAT SHOWS. Read more on Serious Pundit: Dumb Obama Forced GOP To Vote Against GOP Healthcare Plan…
  Panic! In the Editorials

America’s Editorial Writers Fear Ebola, Should Fear Plague Of Stupid

And that's just in the editorial pages.
Time now to turn to our nation’s vaunted editorial pages for the smartest, hottest takes on President Obola’s response to this deadly plague that has so far sickened exactly two of our nation’s 330 million citizens. BURN THE BODIES! STOP THE FLIGHTS! ARGLE BARGLE! Read more on America’s Editorial Writers Fear Ebola, Should Fear Plague Of Stupid…
  cocktober surprise

Terrible Obama Covers Up 25-Year-Old Volunteer Gettin’ It Wet With Prosties

There are very few pulp novels about Cartagena. Market opportunity!
We are apparently supposed to be outraged and scandalized by this new wrinkle on the 2012 Secret Service Sexxytime Scandal: It wasn’t just Secret Service agents foolin’ around with hookers before Barack Obama’s April 2012 trip to Cartagena, Colombia. According to yesterday’s Washington Post, a 25-year-old volunteer traveling with the White House advance team got it on with a prostitute, just like the Secret Service did, even though the White House has always said that no members of the White House advance staff were involved. The volunteer, Jonathan Dach, isn’t talking, but his attorney has denied that Dach hired a prostitute or did anything in his hotel bed other than sleep, eat, and maybe make a little tent. Read more on Terrible Obama Covers Up 25-Year-Old Volunteer Gettin’ It Wet With Prosties…
  I know you are but what am I?

Why Is Obama Race-Warring These White People By Making Them Scream At The Border Children?

Sarah IS the Murrieta Protester
You know how the Republican Party holds a weekly lottery, and the lucky winner gets to be the spokesderp who explains why Democrats are the REAL something-or-others? The real racists, the real sexists, the real bigots, the real warring on Freedom & Liberty-ists — whatever kind of hate the GOP is vomiting all over America, there’s always some Republican out there saying “nuh uh, YOU ARE” or, as those of us who passed Psych 101 in college remember, “projecting.” Read more on Why Is Obama Race-Warring These White People By Making Them Scream At The Border Children?…
  Today in bad analogies again forever

Glitchy Obamacare Websites Basically Like That Time George Bush Mission Accomplished Iraq And Also Katrina

Are you having trouble keeping track of all the stupendously mind-numbingly bad Obamacare analogies? Yes, it is just like Hitler. No, it is not an iPhone. It is sort of like Green Eggs and Ham. Well, thanks to National Journal’s Very Serious Columnist Ron Fournier, we have a new one to melt our brains like a white-bread-and-Kraft-singles sandwich grilling on the hood of a Chevy Pinto in August: “Just like Katrina, when the big problem President Bush had was diminishing the significance of what was happening, saying ‘Hey, way to go, Brownie,’—you had the president yesterday talking about glitches and kinks. This is bigger than glitches and kinks,” Fournier said on MSNBC, as quoted by Mediate. “The one difference was Katrina was a storm, the health care law was Obama’s creation.” Fournier then added, “Maybe the Iraq War is a better analogy.” Um, sure. Okay. That makes perfect sense, what with the president heckuva jobbing Kathleen Sebelius, who personally wrote the code for the Obamacare websites ergo IMPEACH!, in between birthday cake photo-ops with John McCain. Except — oh wait, that didn’t happen. Maybe Fournier is right, and the Iraq War is a better analogy — if you allow Fournier to ignore that stuff Fournier said about how the media really ought to get over the way George Bush clusterfucked Iraq and instead remember that he was a pretty awesome bro. Read more on Glitchy Obamacare Websites Basically Like That Time George Bush Mission Accomplished Iraq And Also Katrina…
  george w. gush

Ron Fournier: Judge George W. Bush By His Bro-Ness, Not His Horribleness

Ron Fournier, the bland and slightly repugnant grocery store brand breakfast cereal of journalism, is very concerned with the state of his profession. No he’s not worried about his fellow commentators once again engaging in hysterical nonsense regarding terrorism, as it is the job of a news person to crawl into the fetal position when facing such threats. Nor is Ron particularly concerned with political respondents becoming useful sycophants of the important people whom they are supposedly reporting about. Sending your sources saccharine crush notes or even considering going to work with these fine powerful men is just what is expected for your modern Washington correspondent. No what has been giving Ron Fournier night terrors for the past five years is the possibility that some of his less than enlightened colleagues might look back on the legacy of one George W. Bush and see eight years of miserable and all-encompasing failure. Ron Fournier instead would like folks to focus on the real lesson of that Presidency: that W was a pretty awesome dude when you really think about it. Read more on Ron Fournier: Judge George W. Bush By His Bro-Ness, Not His Horribleness…
  memes that are still alive

AP Wingnut Also Concerned About Teleprompter Usage

The Washington press corps has come full circle, everyone! Famous Karl Rove-loving wingnut Ron Fournier, who is somehow the Washington Bureau Chief for the AP, has written crucial News Analysis of the Obama press conference last night. We know it’s “analysis,” you see, because that word is in the headline: “Analysis: Teleprompter telegraphs Obama caution.” Read more on AP Wingnut Also Concerned About Teleprompter Usage…
  republicans calling people sexist

Rudy Giuliani To Defend Sarah Palin From Sexist Elites

John McCain’s best friend Ron Fournier, the Washington editor of the Associated Press, has written a nice news analysis about, what else, Sexism. He notes that McCain strategist Steve Schmidt’s dismissal of the “faux media scandal designed to destroy the first female Republican nominee for the vice president of the United States Famous” is only the beginning of a terrible two-month strategy to employ the SEX CARD, because what else is there to play? More hilariously, Fournier quotes famous wartime rat-fisting mayor Rudy Giuliani *calling other people sexist.* You know, Rudy! The one who dumped his second wife in a teevee news conference, because what the fuck. [AP] Read more on Rudy Giuliani To Defend Sarah Palin From Sexist Elites…
  propaganda

AP’s NEW D.C. CHIEF HEARTS KARL ROVE: That newish Associated Press Washington bureau chief, Ron Fournier, is making AP copy all dumb and bloggy. Also, he e-mailed this to Karl Rove about Pat Tillman, the anti-Iraq War hero who was slaughtered by his own troops in Afghanistan: “The Lord creates men and women like this all over the world. But only the great and free countries allow them to flourish. Keep up the fight.” [Gawker/TPM Muckraker] Read more on …
 

Decoding the Note: The Internet Industry is Not a Truck

From yesterday’s Note: “Thus: We finally figured out why superscribe Ron Fournier left the Associated Press. We can’t say as much as we know, but we can say this: Fournier… has teamed up with political strategists from both sides of the fence and leaders from the Internet industry to create the next big thing in communications and community. Read more on Decoding the Note: The Internet Industry is Not a Truck…