romney
New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)
OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention [...]
Mitt Romney Not Waiting Around All Day For You To Return His Call About Your Dead Son, Lady
Mitt Romney is a very busy man, you guys. He is busy now that he’s running for president, and he was busy back when he was a governor. So if your son dies and he gives you a call the day of his funeral, you should probably call him back RIGHT AWAY because he is [...]
Oh Boy Mitt Romney Really Hates Paying Taxes
Oh LOOK what a typist at the Los Angeles Times found out about the Romney’s multi-million dollar home in La Jolla (that’s pronounced La HOY-uh for you Midwesterners, and yes, this is the one with the $55,000 car elevator)! Turns out that the Romneys got a tax cut of about $109,000 by having their lobbyist/lawyer [...]
Guy Who Thinks Small Business Loans Aren’t ‘Government Help’ Also Can’t Tell Cusses From Threats
So it turns out that the business owner in that dumb Romney ad about the fake “You didn’t build that” line, and who it turns out actually did rely on government loans and contracts for some of his business, now haz a sad because some people have been calling and emailing his business to say [...]
Here Is Glenn Beck’s Very Unique 2012 Electoral Map
Well, over on whatever website or smelly airwave Glenn Beck currently resides, Beck and his friends/unpaid interns have decided to make some predictions about the 2012 presidential election upon which the fate of the universe rides. Here is Glenn’s measured and educated guess! Wow, good.
Barack Obama Would Like Anyone With A Gift Registry To Just Give To Him Instead
President Obama, that is his name, has come up with a brilliant new way to try to beat his opponent Mitt Romney at money-making, despite the fact that they seem to have more money than anyone would need to do anything, except maybe buy a Hawaiian island!!!!!! Isn’t it strange that we have to pay [...]
Typo Changes Everything We Know About Obama, Despite Being Typo
A 1990 article in a hard-hitting publication called Vanity Fair either accidentally revealed a state secret: Obama spent some years in Singapore, not Indonesia, as a child! OR pooooossibly, but this is not very likely, an uninformed intern wrote an article about Obama and confused the countries of Indonesia (where Obama “spent” some time as [...]
Paultards Traumatized By Rand Paul’s Romney Endorsement
Well, tragedy has struck in Ron Paul’s kingdom. Rand Paul endorsed Mitt Romney Thursday night on Sean Hannity’s show, presumably because he has been promised some high-profile position in Mitt’s Barbie and Ken’s Dream House™ cabinet. While those pioneering philosophers over at the Washington Post seriously ponder “what” Rand Paul’s endorsement “means” (absolute f#*&-all), other, [...]
Jeb Bush, Liberated By His Own Irrelevance, Says GOP Is ‘Short-Sighted’
Remember a very long time ago, during a Republican presidential debate last August (oh my god, TIME), when one of those moderator fellows asked the candidates whether they would reject a debt deal that required 10 dollars in spending cuts for every dollar in tax increases, and how everyone raised their hand to say that [...]
Romney Blames Obama For Plant That Closed During Bush Presidency
Mitt Romney is touring America for some reason, and on Thursday he was in Lorain, Ohio, at a National Gypsum plant that is no longer open, which he LOVES to do despite the fact that he was complicit in the closure of more things than many presidents. During this sadsack appearance the presumptive/uous Republican nominee [...]
Ted Nugent: ‘Ride Into That Battlefield,’ Behead The Democrats This Fall
We have found the one musician who would not be enraged to find one of his songs used without permission at a conservative orgy somewhere in America: he is of course Ted Nugent, who attended the NRA’s annual ball gala cotillion this past weekend to sing “songs,” show his support of fast-acting weaponry, and tell [...]
Super Tuesday Murdered By Meh Wednesday
What’s up, Cleveland Plain-Dealer? Pretty exciting night, there, yes, with your still hanging chads or somesuch but “advantage Romney,” certainly what ho? So many exciting Politics in O-hi-o, with Elf Queen Consort Dennis Kucinich losing his fabled place in the hearts of Hippie-Americans as Keebler cookie-maker-in-chief to nice lady and new Elvish Queen Marcy Kaptur. [...]
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