Wonkette

• Say goodbye to all the zeitgeist-y cover stories in your City Paper. [The Georgetown Voice]
• Here is a nauseating list of all eggs and ice cream and coffee that famous Washington celebrities eat upon waking. [DCist]
• Why all DCs bagels are so terrible, and a $700 billion Bagel Bailout Plan. [City Paper]
• Ha ha, here are the photos from Roll Call’s “Fabulous Fifty” Party, which are just shots of a dozen or so frustrated people yelling into cell phones and avoiding eye contact by sadly looking down into their Diet Pepsis. [Fishbowl DC]
• Terrible fake postal terrorism struck the Dept. of Veterans’ Affairs, as an envelope arrived brimming with Suspicious White Powder and intolerance. [Washington Post]

Chip Pickering, the Mississippi Congressman who’s retiring to spend more time with his divorced family and mistresses, participated in last night’s annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game one last time, for the fans. If you would like a recap of last night’s game that cannot go three words without divining about what it portends for the election, we recommend The New Republic. We’re more interested, however, in an alleged incident that an eyewitness tells us about, involving our friend Chip: that he let go of his aluminum bat during a practice swing in the on-deck circle, letting it soar into the crowd and destroy some man’s face. MORE »

So it looks like former TPM Muckraker Justin Rood did a post on the Blotter about a Roll Call story about popular congressional hangouts, based on some Congressional Quarterly research … MUST CREDIT ABC NEWS. MORE »

Outgoing Roll Call gossip Mary Ann Akers is off to a great new start as the new WashingtonPost.com gossip. Her farewell to Roll Call e-mail charmingly revealed all of her sources, because she put them in the CC spot instead of the BCC spot. (Note to aspiring gossip columnists: BCC means Blind Carbon Copy, which means everybody can’t see everybody else who gets the e-mail.)

And people are furious. One committee aide told The Hill: “It violates your confidentiality …. It’s their private e-mail. People don’t want their e-mail out in public. This whole thing burned the living shit out of me as it revealed me and all the other ‘leakers.’ …. Anyone who is on there, I’m sure they’re pissed.”

Two lawmakers are on the e-mail list: Congressmen Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) and Patrick Kennedy (D-Drunky). If you have this farewell letter from Mary Ann, send it to us at once!

UPDATE! Akers’ official response is after the jump. Due to a hilarious sitcom-style bicoastal mix-up, one of your editors in fact HAD received this email, but ignored it due to the fact that we get emails from people who forget to BCC pretty much daily.

Burning her sources on her way out [The Hill]

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* James Carville says of Howard Dean: “I would describe his leadership as Rumsfeldian in its competence.” [Window on Washington]
* Jack Abramoff loved Byron Dorgan and Byron Dorgan loved Jack Abramoff. [Say Anything]
* Fred Thompson should replace John Bolton at the UN. His experience in international diplomacy acquired during The Hunt for Red October and the daring Aces: Iron Eagle III missions will serve him well. [World Wide Standard]
* It happened again: actual White House makes error Bartlet White House made in 2004. [Think Progress]
* Tucker Carlson accuses President Bush of being a lightweight partier, says he can only handle, “like three beers or something.” [Media Matters]
* Somebody paid $2 million to Palestinian militants for the release of kidnapped Fox News reporters. Bill O’Reilly thinks it’s a bargain, as it cost him more than that, “to get that bitch to shut up about the falafel.” [World Net Daily]

• Jean Schmidt afraid that after losing her seat in the House, she’ll also be forced to relinquish the title of most moronic elected official from Ohio. [Talking Points Memo]

• For Dick Cheney, a day without waterboarding is like a day without air. [MoJo Blog]
• New Bob Corker campaign ad being “checked” by Tennessee television stations. The ad won’t be aired unless it meets a minimum threshold of racist content. [Wizbang Politics]
• White House spokesman freely admits Iraq policy is driven by political concerns, MSM finds it too obvious to report. [Media Matters]
• Iraqi Insurgents For Lamont to begin airing campaign ads. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• South Korean panic over North Korean nuclear ambitions being assuaged by copious amounts of life-affirming sex. [Outside the Beltway]
• Roll Call steals our idea, improves it by using research tools other than Google. [TPM Muckraker]
• The Swiss cheese memory of Dennis Hastert strikes again as he replaces “forgotten” facts with made up ones. [Think Progress]

In a hilarious mix-up, a Captiol File party photog was at this very moment leading a subcommittee meeting on corporate pensions. (AP) MORE »

Team Wonkette Field Trip! From left: David Lat, the Comics Curmudgeon, Intern Nick (mostly hidden), and Alex Pareene.

Last night, Team Wonkette made its way out to RFK stadium for the annual Congressional Baseball Game, sponsored by Roll Call. The game was, well, sad and pathetic. The Republicans won 12-1 (Roberts recused himself). But man, what a trip. Drunk hill staffers everywhere, Katherine Harris wandering around, tight unis on middle-aged legislative paunches, and William Jefferson looking really intense. Pocket full of sandpaper, of course. But that’s another story — one for after the jump, in fact, illustrated with lovely pictures from Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter.

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Reading your profession’s trade publications shouldn’t be a chore! Look at how Hollywood does it — Variety’s a load of fun, ain’t it? So why are DC’s congressional dailies so… staid? Wouldn’t everyone around here be way happier if Roll Call had a little more pizazz? MORE »

Tests confirmed that the Senate was contaminated not with a nerve agent, but with natural gas — the comforting, friendly gas of traditional American values. MORE »

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