Roland Burris! This guy! The respected Chicago politician who has his own glamorous mausoleum already built and who repeatedly lost in his many attempts at seeking a public office higher than dog catcher managed to weasel his way into the Senate by calling Harry Reid a racist. As we watched events unfold in December and January we were frankly amazed by his PR strategy which involved, number one, accepting an appointment by a TAINTED governor that literally no other self-respecting Democrat in the state would take, and number two, again, calling Harry Reid a racist. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
DAMN YOU, CRUEL FATE! The greatest cartoon-related controversy since a bunch of pissed-off dudes in Pakistan burned down a KFC to protest the marriage of Elizabeth to Anthony in For Better Or For Worse, the Great Obama-As-A-Dead-Monkey Contretemps Of Ought-Nine, has come and gone before your Comics Curmudgeon could get hold of it! And apparently the cartoonist also loves to portray the gays as mincing about with a toe stuck up just so, and also fucking sheep! I have to say that all the other, lesser cartoons sure looked bland this week by comparison. So today we’re going to play a little game called Could This Cartoon Be Improved With A Racist Monkey Or Mincing Gay? MORE »

• Shameless anti-Roland Burris propaganda organs The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune are demanding that America’s first black president Roland Burris retire from the Senate and give up his position of chairman of the Joint Committee on Inspiring Generations to Come. [TPMMuckraker]
• This guy, Mike Quigley, is the favorite to be crowned Replacement Rahm Emanuel, as dictated by Chicago’s newspapers. [Daily Kos]
• In an apparent attempt to, hmm, make this whole sinning-confession-forgiveness process more Taylorist (?), Arkansas has just passed a law allowing its citizens to bring guns into church. [Andrew Sullivan]
• O song of the Drudge Siren! BREAKING: Michelle Malkin-national socialism-manila envelope-digital-camera-scandal! [Crooks and Liars]
• John McCain refuses to go back to the View, the site of 5 1/2 years of dehumanizing psychological and physical torture. [CNN Political Ticker]

• HA HA HA WHOOPS: “U.S. Sen. Roland Burris, who repeatedly denied anyone tied to disgraced former Gov. Rod Blagojevich solicited him for cash in exchange for his seat, now acknowledges Blagojevich’s brother asked him three times to help with fundraising… In a statement released Saturday, Burris said he didn’t disclose the facts because he ‘was not given the opportunity to’ during the impeachment committee hearing.” Because of racism. [Chicago Tribune]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
So did you hear that Rod Blagojevich, America’s noblest, most sexually potent governor, was removed from office yesterday, because of racism, or maybe jealousy over said sexual potency? Everyone loved Blago — minorities, poor people, what have you — but nobody loved the lovable lug more than America’s political cartoonists. Why was that? Was it his noble struggle against impossible odds, which reminded them of themselves? Was it his transparent scumbaggery, which allowed for a disdainful bipartisan free-for-all? Was it the hair? It was probably the hair. MORE »

Rod Blagojevich for the win! The comedy continues, as smirking creep Dick Cheney swears in megalomaniacal Death Monument-builder Roland Burris. This marks the end of racism and the Triumph of the Black Spirit. [AP]

One of the more exciting things we did not tell you yesterday, because Ken was too busy Googling for gifs of John McCain’s three heads licking each other, is that Roland Burris finally TRIUMPHED over the racist Senate establishment and will be seated as “the junior senator from Illinois,” which is to say, “the poor man’s Barack Obama.” MORE »

Congrats to Roland Burris, who’s set to become the first African-American officeholder of any kind in our nation’s history. Harry “Jefferson Davis” Reid vowed to stop any black man from having a job on his watch, but Burris stared him down for ~3 seconds until Reid folded, which he does all the time, because he’s a pussy. Burris then gave another one of his fun press conferences! MORE »

Civil Rights hero Roland Burris is still in town, still hanging around Capitol Hill, and it appears his persistence just might pay off — if the racist Dixiecrats decide to let the old colored man become a senator, but only if he promises not to run again, which is called the “poll tax.” MORE »

Rod Blagojevich couldn’t make it himself to today’s Senate swearing-in ceremony — why would he, right? He’s not even a Senator!! — but his Taint, his grimy grimy taint, was omnipresent in the chamber, and it reeked. After thoroughgoing racist Harry “Bull Connor” Reid made a black person leave Capitol Hill due to the color of his skin this morning, the black spectre of Non-Racial Transcendence swept the chamber with Misery, casting a blood red aura of Sin throughout the ancient lair of our bicameral legislature’s more exclusive wing. The Racists went on with their ceremony, which required a blood oath to Dick Cheney. Senator Joe Biden took the oath. Crippled lion Ted Kennedy took the oath. John McCain had a sad. MORE »

A black person named Roland Burris — who carries the weight of an entire oppressed race on his shoulders — went to the Capitol today to be sworn into the Senate, just as Rod Blagojevich asked him to. He had his papers all lined up, a sharp suit, a positive frame of mind. It was to be a new day for America’s African-Americans, this day was. But then racist old Harry Reid told the Capitol guards that he didn’t want some colored walkin’ on his shiny marble floors unless he had a mop in his hands. Old Roland has seen this all too many times, over the years. It’s been his life. But it’s the life he’s chosen, you see! Hope for America’s blacks will have to endure yet another sunset, and Burris, yet another sunrise. [MSNBC]