Tag: rod blagojevich

Nope, can't take the Ferrari to prison with you.

Supreme Court: Isn’t That $175,000 Bribe Really Just $175,000 ‘Speech’?

Funtimes at the US Supreme Court! In hearing an appeal to former Virginia Governor and current felon Bob McDonnell's conviction for Duke Cunningham levels of bribe-taking, the court seemed to be questioning whether federal laws mandating that you not...
Nope, can't come up with a joke about official portraits.

Will Tammy Duckworth’s Robot Feet Kick Mark Kirk Out Of The U.S. Senate?

Welcome to the second installment of our fun new weekly series on the 2016 Senate races. We have about as many weekends between now and November 8 as there are senatorial races, and so we're aiming to hit every...

Sam Zell Latest One Percenter To Stand Up For Poor Beleaguered One Percenters

Rich people! They just cannot shut up lately about how awesome they are and how everyone is out to get them. Last week it was spittle-brained lackwit Tom Perkins suggesting that the current mood towards our nation’s rich was...

Nobody’s Seen Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. For A Month, By The Way

Were you aware that Jesse Jackson, Jr., son of the famous Jesse Jackson that you all know from civil rights and such, is a Congressman, from Barack Obama and Rod Blagojevich's socialist Chicago paradise? He is! Did...

Whoops, Rod Blagojevich ‘Got Lost’ on Way to Federal Prison

Here is Rod Blagojevich having a grand old time on his way to a federal prison in Colorado, according to this grainy shot from NBC Chicago. Is he excited for jail? Or does he know something we don't know?...

Rod Blagojevich Not So Proud He Won’t Offer Last News Event Before Prison

Corrupt former Illinois governor and human black hole of shame Rod Blagojevich is going away to federal prison tomorrow for fourteen years, for trying to sell Barack Obama's old Senate seat. But why are we even telling you this,...

Weepy Rod Blagojevich To Rot In Prison For 14 Years

The end of the comedy career of noted political humorist Rod Blagojevich has finally come as he was sentenced to 168 months in jail today, because America has lost its taste for jokes, rampant male sexiness and Elvis impersonators...

Our Fallen Hairline: Rod Blagojevich Guilty On 17 of 20 Charges

We are sad to see surrealist comedy news program "Rod Blagojevich Eternally On Trial For Being An Idiot" finally come to a close now that Rod has just been convicted on 17 of 20 counts of corruption. Has it...

Illinois Tells Politicians To Quit Putting Their Names On Every Road Sign

Illinois finally got tired of having to remove the names of indicted politicians from the thousands of public signs that elected state officials treat as dog patch where they get to leave little territorial name-plate marks at taxpayer expense....

Madison Police Chief Says Walker’s Comments ‘Unsettling and Troubling’

Unlike the power-worshiping people-hating media whores who dismissed the whole fake-David Koch call that Scott Walker totally believed was really his boss David Koch, the Madison chief of police didn't brush off Governor Walker's telephone report card intended for...

Illinois Approves Civil Unions; Somebody Update Wikipedia, OK?

Illinois lawmakers on Wednesday approved legislation allowing civil unions in this state, and the governor has indicated he will sign it, making Illinois one of only a handful of states to grant to same-sex couples a broad array of...

Jesse Jackson, Jr. Admits To Sexytime With Dolphin Model, Not To Huge Bribe

According to a "major political fund-raiser" who has talked to federal authorities, former fat guy Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. directed him to raise $6 million in campaign contributions to buy the Senate seat Rod Blagojevich was selling. Jackson denied...

Roland Burris Wants To Run For Re-Election, But Only To Finish Glorious Term

Earlier this year, a court ruled that Roland Burris could not run in a special election to finish out the final weeks of his term, from the November election until the new Congress meets. The court said that was...

Blagojevich Sets Up Table At Chicago Comic-Con, Charges $50 For Autographs

Next time you go to a Comic Con, make sure you bring your wallet, as it will be $80 to take a photo with this former Illinois governor and $50 to get his autograph. While touring the floor, Blagojevich...

Sad Blago’s Storage Unit Of Broken Dreams Auctioned Off

Milorad "Rod" Blagojevich, a resident of Illinois, was an employee of the U.S. Federal Government until 2002, when he took a position with the government of the State of Illinois. Part of the compensation he received with this...

Cows, Tumbleweeds Still Denied Right To Vote In Wyoming

As threatened, both Washington and Wyoming went ahead with their primary elections yesterday. Washington didn't surprise anybody because it is boring; in Wyoming, the nominations of Republican Matt Mead and Democrat Leslie Peterson for governor surprised everyone, because...