rod blagojevich
Nobody’s Seen Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. For A Month, By The Way
Were you aware that Jesse Jackson, Jr., son of the famous Jesse Jackson that you all know from civil rights and such, is a Congressman, from Barack Obama and Rod Blagojevich’s socialist Chicago paradise? He is! Did you know that he hasn’t been in Congress or seen by anyone since June 10? That is also [...]
Whoops, Rod Blagojevich ‘Got Lost’ on Way to Federal Prison
Here is Rod Blagojevich having a grand old time on his way to a federal prison in Colorado, according to this grainy shot from NBC Chicago. Is he excited for jail? Or does he know something we don’t know? Let’s check the report: “It wasn’t immediately clear where Rod Blagojevich’s car was headed when it [...]
Rod Blagojevich Not So Proud He Won’t Offer Last News Event Before Prison
Corrupt former Illinois governor and human black hole of shame Rod Blagojevich is going away to federal prison tomorrow for fourteen years, for trying to sell Barack Obama’s old Senate seat. But why are we even telling you this, since every person in America has been carefully counting down the number of days to Blago’s [...]
Our Fallen Hairline: Rod Blagojevich Guilty On 17 of 20 Charges
We are sad to see surrealist comedy news program “Rod Blagojevich Eternally On Trial For Being An Idiot” finally come to a close now that Rod has just been convicted on 17 of 20 counts of corruption. Has it really been eternity already? Seriously, we cannot remember anymore when we were not reading about this [...]
Illinois Tells Politicians To Quit Putting Their Names On Every Road Sign
Illinois finally got tired of having to remove the names of indicted politicians from the thousands of public signs that elected state officials treat as dog patch where they get to leave little territorial name-plate marks at taxpayer expense. Gov. Pat Quinn signed a law prohibiting state officials from putting their name or likeness on [...]
Illinois Approves Civil Unions; Somebody Update Wikipedia, OK?
Illinois lawmakers on Wednesday approved legislation allowing civil unions in this state, and the governor has indicated he will sign it, making Illinois one of only a handful of states to grant to same-sex couples a broad array of legal rights and responsibilities similar to those of marriage. Well, there you go. The inevitable is [...]
Jesse Jackson, Jr. Admits To Sexytime With Dolphin Model, Not To Huge Bribe
According to a “major political fund-raiser” who has talked to federal authorities, former fat guy Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. directed him to raise $6 million in campaign contributions to buy the Senate seat Rod Blagojevich was selling. Jackson denied that today. But the source also told them that Jackson was having an affair with Giovanna [...]
Roland Burris Wants To Run For Re-Election, But Only To Finish Glorious Term
Earlier this year, a court ruled that Roland Burris could not run in a special election to finish out the final weeks of his term, from the November election until the new Congress meets. The court said that was only for candidates who were also running in the election for a full term in Burris’ [...]
Blagojevich Sets Up Table At Chicago Comic-Con, Charges $50 For Autographs
Next time you go to a Comic Con, make sure you bring your wallet, as it will be $80 to take a photo with this former Illinois governor and $50 to get his autograph.
Sad Blago’s Storage Unit Of Broken Dreams Auctioned Off
Milorad “Rod” Blagojevich, a resident of Illinois, was an employee of the U.S. Federal Government until 2002, when he took a position with the government of the State of Illinois. Part of the compensation he received with this job was an employer-provided residence; however, although Blagojevich signed a new contract with the Illinois government in [...]
Cows, Tumbleweeds Still Denied Right To Vote In Wyoming
As threatened, both Washington and Wyoming went ahead with their primary elections yesterday. Washington didn’t surprise anybody because it is boring; in Wyoming, the nominations of Republican Matt Mead and Democrat Leslie Peterson for governor surprised everyone, because nobody had heard of any of the candidates before and thus any name would have been a [...]
Blagojevich Jury Deadlocked On 22 of 24 Counts
America’s Governor, Rod Blagojevich, cannot be convicted of anything because he’s too sexy. This is why the jury just told the judge, “Uhhh,” as they can’t decide on ANYTHING, and are permanently, hopelessly deadlocked on 22 of the 24 counts. (And those other two, wire-fraud/telephone charges, haven’t even been decided.) FREE BLAGO HE IS PURE [...]
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