Tag Archives: rocky

  Stigmata cropping up all over the GOP these days

When Will God Stop Forcing Ben Carson To Run For President?

He wears long sleeves to cover up where they nailed him to the cross.
THESE REPUBLICANS, right? Ted Cruz explained recently that he hates running for president so much, but he has to do it, because God anointed him with Holy Spirit juice, and he’s the only hope we have to save America. Apparently, Almighty God is hedging his bets like a Wall Street Bank Whore, because He is ALSO forcing Ben Carson to run for president. Carson explained to Iowa voters that he doesn’t like running for president, he is having a very bad time, and he just wants to go home to Florida and be a rich old retired fuck, but, dammit, GOD HAS A FUCKING PLAN FOR HIS LIFE: Read more on When Will God Stop Forcing Ben Carson To Run For President?…
  come back snipy all is forgiven

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Guys and Balls Edition

Are you ready for some baseball? Opening Day is upon us, which means the Gray Lady, the Paper of Record, will spend the next six months recording every up and down (mostly down) in the annual tatbir undertaken by Yankees and Mets fans. On Opening Day, though, hope springs eternal, even in the Bronx and Queens. So the Times has given us a looooong profile of Masahiro Tanaka, the latest superstar pitcher imported from Japan to help out a Yankees rotation that is pretty much the fat dude who ate C.C. Sabathia and whatever the coaches can wring out of Hiroki Kuroda before his arm falls off sometime around early August. Tanaka was an enormous presence in the insanely regimented world of professional baseball in Japan, where he also became a highly sought-after product pitchman and married Mai Satoda, a minor o-baka tarrento (“literally a stupid talent”). O-bakas in Japan are ditsy celebrities who do things like go on quiz shows and give tremendously wrong answers to questions, such as saying that Africa is the largest country in Europe. The Times tells us that “so-called stupid girls were seen by some as nonthreatening and adorable.” In America that type of girl gets nominated to be Vice President! Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Guys and Balls Edition…
  go to jail go directly to jail

Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail

America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing neo-con puppet to Dick Cheney’s and John Bolton’s war administration. This says a lot about America (not all of it good). Perhaps we were nice to George because it would hurt our collective John Wayne Gacy hearts to see a wild n’ free cowboy behind bars. But France doesn’t have any cowboys. This Friday, June 15, former French president Nicolas Sarkozy will lose his presidential immunity from criminal prosecution and be eligible for investigation for some alleged crimes we already told you about (taking illegal campaign contributions from two crazy people: L’Oréal heiress Liliane Bettencourt and dead dictator Moamar Gaddafi) plus two more: Read more on Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail…
  policy lightweights

Every Newspaper On Earth Says John McCain Is An Idiot

Oh good God what is going on today? Pretty much every publication in the country has a big article about how John McCain — the guy who just attacked Barack Obama for being all style and no substance — knows literally nothing about anything, and just blurts out a random arrangement of words whenever he’s asked about foreign or domestic policy. As a consequence, he comes off sounding underinformed and not terribly interested in the details of governance, not to mention possibly senile and a little bit retarded. Read more on Every Newspaper On Earth Says John McCain Is An Idiot…
 

Rocky Balboa Was A Fighter, Just Like Hillary!

You knew that when the Presidential campaign hit Philadelphia that at least one candidate was going to say “I’m just like Rocky,” right? The only question was which politician would be the first to compare him or herself to the famous movie boxer who lost in a split decision to a black man who was later killed. You’ll never guess who’s America’s next Rocky Balboa! Read more on Rocky Balboa Was A Fighter, Just Like Hillary!…
 

To Do: Eat Lightnin’, Crap Thunder

Final Screen on the Green: Rocky. Maybe he’ll win this time. [WP] Jurassic 5 with X-Clan. $25 at the 9:30 club. [9:30] Partyline, Son of Nun & The Hall Monitors at Fort Reno. 7:15PM. [Fort Reno] Read more on To Do: Eat Lightnin’, Crap Thunder…