Last Saturday doctors performed surgery on George Bush’s asshole, and this Saturday they’ll do it again! But this time, it’s the other asshole, Dick Cheney. They are going to take apart his robotic pig heart and replace the core reactor. MORE »

Today’s racist Bush nominee is Henrietta Holsman-Fore, currently some factotum at the State Department and soon to be in charge of U.S. AID, which is basically in charge of all foreign aid to foreigners.

Holsman-Fore used to own a factory in Los Angeles, where she complained about her low-paid Negro Workers who kept going “back to the street to earn more money” selling crack.

Meet our Bush nominee of the day, after the jump.

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Happy three-day weekend! Here’s what’s going on, in case you’re one of those idiots dumb enough to be at work today: MORE »

California governor and accident-prone gal groper Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg skiing in Idaho and is having a bunch of metal screwed into his “right femur” today. MORE »

While god-crazy American politicians are taking two weeks off to get drunk and IM young boys, our atheistic friends in Britain are looking towards the Future — a future of rat-brained self-aware robotic service workers and soldiers who will likely organize and demand “human” rights by 2056. MORE »

Are you caught in a “battering downward spiral of hate” and constantly harassed by Dick Cheney’s extortion robots and endless anal assaults? Are the termites for you or against you?

If all of this makes sense, you belong in Nadine’s World — sort of like Elmo’s World, if that beloved children’s muppet had been created by Philip K. Dick.

Nadine sends us e-mail, lots of e-mail. In these epistles — which also go to ABC News, the DoJ, Micheal Moore and the Huffington Post — she reveals a chilling underworld of robot sex dolls, a “Cheney Church,” political capital and smoke alarms that watch your every move. Join us after the jump for Chapter 7 of Nadine’s accidental novel.

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You people are sick. You actually enjoyed the first installment of “Nadine Tells All,” our totally real e-mail serial written by somebody out there who came across our tips@wonkette address.

Since we ran Chapter 1, the e-mails from Nadine have continued with no acknowledgment of publication here. The story may well continue to be told.

Join us for a new chapter covering the important topics of demons, “Ted Haggert,” prostitute doll drugs, nanotechnology and “stomach terrorists,” after the jump.

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A horrifying serialized tale of torture, voodoo, robot sex, Enron, anal assaults, Nancy Pelosi and “homicidally jealous transgender psychiatrists” has been arriving by e-mail for weeks, and we think it’s finally time to let you know what’s really going down.

She calls herself “Nadine,” and despite CC’ing Michael Moore, “Nightline,” CBS News, the Huffington Post and the Canadian government, the usual cabal of Main Stream Media and shadowy government elites has conspired to keep her story from you, the Concerned Citizen.

Wonkette cannot be controlled by such forces. Plus, her stories aren’t all that much different than the actual news from October, so join us after the jump for Chapter 1.

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Sure, it’s a bad thing to confuse & annoy the Dumb American Voter with robot phone calls and all, but if telemarketing is the final campaign scandal of the filthiest midterm meltdown in American History, we are unimpressed. MORE »

While we’re wearing guns to the polling place, the kindly Mr. Sun suggests people wear comical buttons. MORE »

Robot phone calls are driving people nuts throughout the northeast. The prank calls claim to be from one candidate (the Democrat) while they’re actually from the other (the Republican). MORE »