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Tag: robots

New Japanese Robot Ladies Still Fall Short Of Anime Fantasy, May Nonetheless Kill Us All

Fans of the Uncanny Valley will be delighted to know that roboticists in Japan have taken another giant leap toward creeping us right the fuck out, with two new female-appearing androids that will be interacting with guests at the...

Watch Stephen Hawking Vaporize John Oliver With Science, Death Robots (Video)

We don't usually use interviews for the ol' clipbait, but this one-on-one with John Oliver and Stephen Hawking is not to be missed. It's part of a new series on Oliver's Last Week Tonight called "Great Minds: People Who...

Stephen Colbert: Can We Stop The Black Lesbian Robot Apocalypse? Probably Not! (Video)

Well, humanity, it was a nice ride, but it's over. Stephen Colbert brings us news of the end -- a computer program has finally beaten the Turing test -- maybe -- fooling a third of human questioners into thinking...

Mitt Romney Explains ‘Fictional Football Team Show’ Friday Night Lights To Hu-Mans

Well, we thought this story from Politico was another of their hilarious Roger Simonesque fan-fics (like the time, unlinkable for now, when he had literally everyone but your Wonket believing Paul Ryan calls Miffed Romney "Stench"). But no! As...

Homophobic Jewish-Christian Robots Attacking Fellow Robot Mitt Romney

As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy's scrotum, Rick Santorum's college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt...

Look, It’s Mitt Romney In His True Robot Form

Here, via Operative/"Wonkette Guy" Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. "TICKETS, TICKETS" he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt,...

Rand Paul Robot Caught By Brave TSA Body Scanner

Top honors will be given to a brave TSA Body Scanner machine at the Nashville airport for apprehending a sinister Dalek robot-monster that was impersonating Senator Rand Paul. The cylon version of Rand Paul triggered the radioactive Body Scanner...

Romney Claims He Created 100,000 Jobs, Forgets To Carry the Negative

Bad news for Mitt Romney, again, as always: Now that his only real competition is a charm coffin like Rick Santorum, the press has no other choice but to pay attention to Romney's actual, boring campaign. THAT IS SOOOO...

Homophobic Anti-Robot Bachmann Thugs Bully Gay Iowa Robot

It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann's remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob...

The Entire Republican Debate In 45 Seconds of Video

Did they miss anything? Thanks to whoever suffered through two hours of GOP debate video to find the only word and the only name that matters.

U.S. Military As Good At Fraud As It Is Killing Random Brown People

Every single day of the last miserable decade, the U.S. Military has pissed away more than $16 million in fraudulent contracts in Afghanistan and Iraq. That's $60 billion thrown away on wasteful handouts to Pentagon contractors during the wonderful...

Random Muslim Becomes Millionth ‘Al Qaeda No. 2’ After Robot Kills Him

Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of...

Michele Bachmann Reveals Strange Disability to Bill O’Reilly

Iowan princess Michele Bachmann will not rest until she has run out of insane speech explosions to perform in front of a camera. Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup, getting mildly yelled at by Bill O’Reilly, because...

Wisconsin Becomes Orgy of Chaos As Recall Elections Begin

The forces of good and evil resume their bilious clouded swirl over the state of Wisconsin today as primary voters go to cast votes in the state's recall elections against six of Scott Walker's senate puppets, and it is already...

From France, Obama Forces His Robot To Sign Patriot Act Renewal

Republicans and Democrats came together to oppose the renewal of the Patriot Act -- which lets the government do literally whatever it wants to anyone, anywhere -- and then other Republicans and Democrats came together in bigger numbers to...

Don’t Go To College; All Those ‘Good’ Jobs Are Being Taken By Robots Too

If you went to high school in the past ten years, you may have seen an Ad Council poster hung somewhere that said you will make millions of more dollars over your lifetime if you earn a college degree...