robocalls
Homophobic Jewish-Christian Robots Attacking Fellow Robot Mitt Romney
As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing [...]
Congress Proposes To Legalize Robot Drone Assaults On Cell Phone Users
Congress seems to feel that the record number 82% of Americans who hate their guts is still Not Enough, so the House is proposing a sneaky little update to the ancient Communications Act of 1934 that would finally allow the Satanic cavalcade of political campaigns and action committees to launch their ritual election season ear-rape [...]
Florida Spams Annoying Twit Rick Scott’s Office With Robocall Payback
Perennially unpopular Florida governor Rick Scott’s doomed attempts at constituent relations mostly consist of harassing robocalls filled with Rick Scott’s whimpering voice being piped across Florida telephone lines into millions of unwilling eardrums like some incurable mutant Ebola virus of audio assault infecting everyone’s dinner time. WELL GUESS WHAT? Florida can play that game, too, Rick! [...]
Rick Scott Busy Sexing Floridians With Robocalls And Ethics Violations
Oh, don’t we just love to pick on hairless dingus Rick Scott, because he is officially America’s most disliked governor, his constituents are constantly suing him for passing laws no one likes, he’s kind of “eh” about keeping track of his filings to the Ethics Commission, and he’s using state money to sexually harass Florida [...]
Wisconsin Becomes Orgy of Chaos As Recall Elections Begin
The forces of good and evil resume their bilious clouded swirl over the state of Wisconsin today as primary voters go to cast votes in the state’s recall elections against six of Scott Walker’s senate puppets, and it is already just an orgy of dead fetuses and robots. Robocalls possibly from Wisconsin “Right to Life” are [...]
Sandra Day O’Connor Robot Drunk Dials Nevada Voters All Night Long
It’s 1 a.m., and you are in Nevada (why are you in Nevada?). Anyway: You are drinking grain alcohol in bed, because that is the best way to wind down after a long day of being unemployed/cursing Harry Reid. You begin to mumble again about how “Washington and Harry Reid are broken,” but then the [...]
Christine O’Donnell ‘a Complete Fraud,’ Says Phone-Robot
So we were just catching up with the Primary Night news at the Politico (we know, we know), and there’s this big picture of Christine O’Donnell at the top of the page with the headline “Ex-aide: Christine O’Donnell a ‘complete fraud,’” which is funny enough, but then we suddenly realized we’d never seen the perennial [...]
Rick Santorum, The Devil’s Abortionist
In Iowa, some marblemouth gal is calling up folks and telling them to ask Rick Santorum “to apologize for his long-time support of radical pro-abortion politicians!” Huh? Oh, just Christine Todd Whitman and Arlen Specter, like 10 years ago, when they were really powerful Republicans. Jesus. Iowa in 2012 will not be like Iowa in [...]
Palin Campaigns For McDonnell In Secret Roguish Manner, McDonnell Terrified
See what’s going on above? That would be Bob McDonnell crushing the dickens out of Creigh Deeds, in Virginia. Fine, go ahead, win tomorrow, anything to get these dreadful four-per-commercial-break ads (“I will fix the roads” “No I will fix the roads” “You hate women” “I will fix the women and roads,” etc. ) off [...]
COMMENCE ‘CRYPTIC PHONE DRIVE-BYS IN HIPPIE COMMUNES’ PHASE OF TEABAGGING REVOLUTION: Left-wing communist and likely herbivore “CB” writes: “I know this is only a minor event, especially because I’m sure millions of people got this phone call. But I need to vent. Yesterday I got a call, and a friendly male voice recording informed me [...]
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