Wonkette

When we saw a McCain fundraiser email that said it was from Roger Staubach we were totally bewildered and excited. Not until we loaded the attached images did we realize that it was the former Cowboy and not Robert Steinbuch. [CBS]

A law student sent us this example of the thinnest veiling we’ve ever seen, from a Torts textbook (specifically Tort Law: Cases, Perspectives and Problems. 4th Edition. Galligan, Haddon, McClellan et al if you’re interested). It’s the story of “Jessica Butler,” her filthy sex with an aide to “Senator Foghorn,” and her salacious blog that detailed the whole seedy affair. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Mark Foley is out of “rehab.” The Arizona facility he went to treats alcoholism, “eating disorders, sexual addiction/compulsivity, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression” … Kirk Fordham, former Tom Reynolds and Foley CoS, is still hanging around the Hill, annoying fellow republicans… John Boehner demanded the Republican leadership sing him his self-penned “Birthday Song” … John Kerry downed Tequila shots with Marines at Finn MacCool’s. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Things to talk about with your family over Thanksgiving. Because you hate them. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: The Examiner will now be sued by Robert Steinbuch for revealing that his students think he’s a perv… Aide to Sen. Susan Collins sends out memo about fonts: “After reviewing a variety of typefaces to see whether they might prove more readable than the current protocol of 16-point Times Roman bold for speeches, statements and talking points, Senator Collins has decided that she would like to use Lucida Bright.” [Examiner]

Spanking fetishist and former Jessica Cutler-fucker Robert Steinbuch just likes suing people. He likes it so much that he’s filed two suits against Cutler and asked to add Wonkette Emerita Ana Marie Cox to both. He briefly wanted to add your current Wonkette editors too (for calling him a spanking fetishist), but was eventually dissuaded. Unfortunately, Original Wonkette hasn’t gotten off so lightly, as a court document from yesterday shows: MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Doug Schoen, pollster for the Gore-Lieberman 2000 presidential campaign and for the abortive 2004 presidential campaign of Sen. Joe Lieberman, donated $2,100 to Lieberman’s primary challenger Ned Lamont. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Sources: Tony Hawk left the Black Cat early last weekend after a friend was ejected for drinking without ID… George Allen’s wife Susan was kicked out of an Alexandria park for campaigning for her husband… Robert Steinbuch has filed another suit against Jessica Cutler, this one in Arkansas. He also filed papers seeking to add Ana Marie Cox as a defendant. [WP]
• Under the Dome: In a letter accidentally sent to constituents, Jim Nussle failed to sound tough enough on immigration… Howard Dean snubbed two Arizona congressional candidates by announcing his desire to elect a woman in that district. [The Hill]
• Page Six: Controversial AIDS writer Celia Farber receives a good review from an AIDS research organization. Page Six prints an unspeakably horrible headline. [NYP]

Slept with a bunch of people and blogged about it? Actually, no. She’s about to lose the legal services of the attorney representing her in Steinbuch v. Cutler — for the third time.

Back in April, attorney William Bode, who had been representing Jessica Cutler, withdrew (hehe) as her counsel in the case. There was some speculation as to why Bode withdrew, which he denied to the media.

Now Jessica’s latest lawyer, John Umana — who, by the way, is a “leading proponent of intelligent design,” as reported by the Legal Times — wants out. Unlike Bode, Umana has spelled out the reason for his withdrawal, and it’s the oldest reason in the book: nonpayment of fees. (The text of his motion to withdraw, which one of you helpfully forwarded to us, appears after the jump.)

This is not the first time Jessica has had problems paying her lawyers:

Umana, for example, is Cutler’s third attorney in a little more than a year. Her original lawyers, Thomas Wilson and Alexander Vincent of Washington’s Berliner, Corcoran & Rowe, sued Cutler last month in D.C. Superior Court, claiming she owed them $54,271.19. Cutler had already paid $35,000, they said.

Where did all the money go — the Playboy payment, the six-figure book advance, the HBO dough? Jessica’s website, where she solicits PayPal donations, hints at the answer: “Please — I need money for slutty clothes and drugs!”

But even the biggest cokehead/connoisseuse of slutty fashions would have a hard time burning through the cash Jessica has accumulated since she emerged as Washingtonienne. Sounds like someone could use a visit from Suze Orman.

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Now, courtesy of the Legal Times, a quick update on a case that’s far more interesting than Enron: Steinbuch v. Cutler.

The article speaks for itself — res ipsa loquitur — and it’s well worth reading in its entirety. If you’re wondering about whether Steinbuch has a case and what Jessica’s best defenses are, they’re laid out in the piece, which features analysis from law professor and blogger Daniel Solove (among others).

Here’s our favorite excerpt, proving that truth can be stranger than fiction:

It’s hard to know why anyone would care to set the record straight about whether he is able to ejaculate with or without a condom or whether he likes to spank or be spanked. But [Steinbuch attorney Jonathan] Rosen says that’s exactly what Steinbuch intends to do.

“There are graphic and intimate details which are not true,” he said in a telephone interview. “Those are facts that are going to be litigated.”

To summarize the Legal Times piece: Steinbuch v. Cutler represents Robert Steinbuch’s attempt to clear his name. He wants the world to know that he’s good in bed. Really good.

Very well, Professor Steinbuch: you’re GREAT in bed. There, it’s established. It has been printed. In a blog.

Boy, that was an easy problem to solve. Did you really have to go make a federal case out of it?

A Man Scorned [Legal Times]

(For those of you who can’t get enough of Jessica Cutler, we share a random story about a reading she did last month in New York, after the jump. Note: It’s not for the squeamish.)

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• Reliable Source: Attorney for Robert Steinbuch threatens to add Ana Marie Cox as a co-defendant in his suit against Jessica Cutler. . . Murdoch will host a summer fundraiser for Hillary. . . Mort Kondracke marries Marguerite Sallee, the CEO of America’s Promise. . . Bush twins are spotted buying vintage clothes. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Michael Scanlon will be awarded his diploma from John Hopkins. . . Josh Bolten went to a Nationals game with Bo Derek. . . Woman spotted with Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) is confirmed to be his girlfriend. . . [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Fundraiser for Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.) hosted by Mort Zuckerman features Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and former Sen. Al D’Amato (R-N.Y.). . . Wolf Blitzer, Chris Matthews, Petra Nemcova, and Rep. Tom McMillen (D-Md.) showed up for the opening of The Collection at Chevy Chase. . . “Campaign chair” for Rep. Jerry Weller (R-Ill.) caught using a government-issued American Express card at a strip club. [The Hill]

* It turns out that a court does resemble a circus, at least when Jessica Cutler is there, along with a former paramour as plaintiff and an alleged former paramour as defense counsel. Well, not anymore, as defense counsel had to “pull out.” MORE »

Well, so is Judge Paul L. Friedman, who is presiding over the invasion-of-privacy lawsuit brought against Jessica by Robert Steinbuch, one of her former lovers. This afternoon Judge Friedman issued a testy memorandum opinion and order (PDF), in which he bench-slapped the lawyers in the case for their ridiculous and embarrassing conduct in the case, as well as their repeated violations of court rules.

Okay, it’s late in the afternoon, on a Friday before a holiday weekend. So forgive us for the somewhat half-assed treatment of an opinion that deserves more thorough scrutiny.

After the jump, excerpts from the ruling, along with our commentary.

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