Wonkette

NOVAK IS BACK! After a busy summer of running over a bum and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Robert Novak quit his regular column gig. But now he’s back with an “occasional” thing saying Vinegar Joe Lieberman would doom the McCain ticket. Don’t listen, Walnuts! Pick Holy Joe! [Bob Novak]

Reprinted in full without comment. [AP]

• BOB NOVAK RETIRES: Because of the cancer. He’s been writing his column since 1963, the year Lyndon Johnson became president. [Chicago Sun-Times]

ROBERT NOVAK HAS A BRAIN TUMOR! Is this why he ran over that guy last week? Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Prince of Darkness. [Human Events]

Yesterday, conservative columnist Bob Novak ran over a pedestrian who flew on top of his windshield. Then Novak sped away and, when captured, pretended that he had no idea. The police gave him a $50 ticket. Maybe in this economy that’s a lot, hmm? Anyway, the victim was originally reported as a 66-year-old pedestrian, but according to new information, he is actually an 86-year-old homeless guy who remains in the hospital. The Main Stream Media continues to conceal the truth, which is that the victim is a 72-year-old homeless doctor martyr named Ron Paul. [Washington Post]

• LOOK, HE’S STILL ALIVE OK?: From the intrepid local news team at ABC 7 News: “The pedestrian who was struck by prominent Washington columnist and commentator Robert Novak is in worse shape than first thought, a hospital source tells ABC 7 News. The victim, a 66-year-old man, appeared somewhat incoherent, said the source who had seen the victim. The man appeared to have casts on his neck and back. The victim was X-rayed and a surgical team plans to evaluate him, the source said.” The police should take note of the severity here and strike Novak with a harsher penalty. They gave him a $50 ticket earlier? Make it $65. NO — GIVE HIM A $90 TICKET. [WJLA]

Here is 800-year-old columnist Bob Novak, the Last Scion of Bilbo Baggins, talking to the local teevee news after hitting some guy with his car and then speeding away, only to be captured. Isn’t it HMM COINCIDENTAL that a Politico reporter happened to be walking by the incident? Here’s the “new truth:” Politico and Bob Novak thought that this was Ron Paul, this pedestrian, and they were trying to kill him for the second day in a row. HE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH LONGER. DR PAUL ES MARTYR. [YouTube via Think Progress]

Already known as the worst, meanest driver in Washington, this morning Robert Novak was caught by witnesses driving into a pedestrian and speeding away from the crime scene. Novak was racing down 18th Street through the K St. NW intersection when he hit a much younger man, a 66 year old who was using the crosswalk and had a green walk signal. MORE »