Wonkette

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Peter Welch (D-Vt.) is trying to make his office carbon-neutral… Mike Pence claims the Colts won because Bush said something vaguely optimistic about their chances once. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were partying with Dan Snyder again! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Oh no, Tommy Jacomo might not host lunch at The Palm anymore! … Don Fowler cursed out, almost beat down some journo. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Democrats spent all weekend drinking, dancing, not wearing ties… HBO now offering Stuart Saves His Family on demand in honor of future Senator Al Franken. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: You know what the difference is between you and rich, important people like Robert Gates? Robert Gates gets to smoke wherever the hell he wants… Rep. Ilena Ros-Lehtinen incredibly excited to meet, uh, John McCain. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Senator Mike Enzi wears a big diamond ring on his pinky. [WP]

* Rudy Giuli don’t give a fuck about two party ruley. [Political Wire]
* Walnuts is a maverick, Jamie McIntyre is a massive prick. [Media Matters]
* Second rate actors in town advocating for nipples everywhere. [MoJo]
* Democratic presidential campaigns resemble 7th-grade class president campaigns. [The Swamp]
* Talking politics on The View also not unlike talking politics with 7th graders. [Newsbusters]
* Minnesotans cool with cosplay, Al Franken. [Wizbang Politics]
* Robert Gates is probably a liar, definitely a pussy. [TPM Muckraker, Weekly Standard]

* To sum up: guy accuses white house of bad intelligence practices, White House uses henchman for a white collar hatchet job on guy’s wife - thereby offending both legal and natural practice. You care because when Scooter Libby’s trial starts tomorrow the witness stand will be a virtual “Who’s Evil in Washington: 2003.” [WP, NYT]
* Dick Cheney gives the same answer to every question: “There’s nothing wrong with it or illegal.” [NYT]
* Troop surge was “the only option,” obv. [WP]
* And Democrats are against it, this they know for sure. [NYT]
* Government contractors in Iraq may soon add “take it to prison” to their already established “taking it to the bank.” [WP]
* Robert Gates enjoyed his evening with UK counterpart Des Browne, wants a second date. [NYT]
* Two more Hussein lieutenants hanged, coming soon to a theater near you. [LAT]
* Republican presidential contenders have a hard time finding where to sit on Iraq plan. [USAT]
* Martin Luther King so well loved that only 2 in 10 college students don’t have a clue who he was. [WP]

* If Hieronymus Bosch had Photoshop he’d kick all these whipper-snappers’ asses. [The Art Directors Club]
* Robert Gates admits what Rumsfeld never could: “I’m no expert on military matters.” [CBS News]
* Barney Frank bangs his gavel 10, maybe 20 times a day. [C&L]
* Barbara Boxer cunt-punches Condi. [Passport]
* New Trump Tower Tehran would be gorgeous, baby, just gorgeous. [Think Progress]
* Dennis Kucinich’s music video takes patience, oooooh yeah, just a little patience. [Washington Wire]

The war in Iraq is still winnable, says the Bush Administration. The movers and shakers are all in Crawford, Texas winning it right this second, in fact. But we need new, bold ideas from our new, bold Defense Secretary, Robert Gates. Let’s hear one of those ideas: MORE »

* Ford, dead, disagreed with Iraq war while alive. Also, Woodward might’ve written something for the Post that wasn’t directly adapted from a book. [WP]
* All the criminals are in Crawford to plan their Iraq “surge.” Gates is said to have a “comprehensive plan.” [WP]
* No terror threats for New Years, so feel free to drink, puke on America’s bridges, tunnels, major infrastructure, and national icons. [AP]
* John Edwards’ carefully-managed ‘08 campaign gets off to a hilariously inept start. [WP]
* Senator Gordon Smith of Oregon has heard from other, unnamed Republican Senators who share his belief that Iraq was all a horrible mistake. [NYT]

New Defense Secretary Robert Gates is scheduled to come back from Iraq today, after learning from our commanders and troops on the ground how to pretend to win more effectively. Judging by this transcript of his breakfast meeting, we’re not sure if he’ll much to report back. MORE »

Argument in favor of a “troop surge” in Iraq: It will allow us to continue to claim the next six months will be critical indefinitely. MORE »

* Joint Chiefs wary of troop increase in Iraq, make their case to the White House, get accused of being too “focused on the mission.” [WP]
* Robert Gates is sworn in as Secretary of Defense, uses occasion to dig Rumsfeld. Plus one. [WP]
* Rudy Giuliani is about to find out how Christian conservatives feel about politicians that are “Made in New York City.” [WP]
* Big Juan Enrique was a lettuce pickin’ man, died with that arugula in his hand. [WSJ]
* Justice Department inquiry into detainee abuse runs into dead-end, produces no indictments. [NYT]
* Sam Brownback lays down and lets a nominee for the Federal bench proceed, expects a reach-around. [NYT]
* India’s nuclear program goes legit. [WP, NYT]
* Renovated White House “Situation Room” is substantially less impressive than those used by Bartlett, Bauer, and Blitzer. [NYT]

* Iraqi leaders claim the Iraq Study Group’s report fails to understand the cultural complexities driving the problems in Iraq…[WP]
* …Though they might just be pissed about all the haterific comments like “grave” and “deteriorating” the group made about their country. [WP, NYT]
* Robert Gates rides a wave of “not Donald Rumsfeld” to Senate confirmation. [WP]
* Election losses make Republicans think more conservative is the way to go. [WP]
* It’s been 30 days since the election and Democrats are now fully on the take from lobbyists, including Rahm Emanuel, who just loves those Wagyu burgers. [WSJ]
* FBI unsure if there has actually been a rise in public corruption, or if they are just more competent at finding it. [WP]
* Jimmy Carter: not such a loveable old granddad after all, and maybe a plagiarist and fact maker-upper. [WP, NYT]
* Dick Cheney: not such a hate filled gorgon after all, hints he may actually love his future grandchild. [NYT]

Like Peggy Noonan and several Pennsylvanians, we’re sorry to see Rick Santorum leave the Senate. (He’ll be back in town in a few weeks, as a lobbyist for Jesus, Inc.) Today he delivered his final piece of … oratory, yes, that’s what they call it. Let’s take a quick trip to Fearville, where Rick’s actually killing terrorists in Yemen or something, and Exxon’s directors want to kill us out of pure hate: MORE »

DoD staffers aren’t even waiting for the official Senate vote; they’re so sick of Rumsfeld that portraits of Robert Gates are already on the walls. MORE »

* The Iraq Study Group will release its heavily discussed platitudes this morning. [WP]
* Senate will approve Robert Gates as Defense Secretary after only, “light probing.” [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Hillary Clinton. Is running. For President. [WP]
* Supreme court rules that illegal immigrants caught with illegal drugs can legally remain in the country. Fumar ‘em if you got ‘em.[NYT, LAT]
* Jeff Sessions talks to dead people, and Dana Milbank likes to watch. [WP]
* As the last day of school approaches, Congressional Republicans spitefully ignore appropriations bills. [WSJ]
* Lobbying for the Democrats’ ambitious 100 Hours Agenda has already begun. [WP]
* Republican House leaders shitcan the DC Voting Rights bill, again. [WP, NYT]
* 110th Congress is scheduled to actually be at work 5 days a week, evidence that, “Democrats could care less about families.” [WP]