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Posts Tagged ‘robert gates’

WONK'D

Staycation: Famous For DC People Remain In DC, Even In July!

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

He's everywhere!So we did a midsummer slow news day’s Wonk’d yesterday and what do you know, another billion Wonk’d sightings arrived in out Tips Box this morning. It’s like you people can be easily manipulated by suggestion. “Here are some Wonkette readers sending us Wonk’d items … this means you must do the same, reader.” And it works! (Next time we’ll subliminally make you do something vulgar in the Reflecting Pool.) Anyway, enjoy these eyewitness reports of Maria Shriver, Ralph Nader, Rahm Emanuel and Others doing whatever it is they do, in Washington! MORE »


HOW TO WAR

Why Does Barack Obama Want To Eliminate All Defense Spending By Increasing Defense Spending?

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

JESUS CHRIST Republicans get away with everything when it comes to Warring, hmm? Barack Obama and Bob Gates raised defense spending by 4%, or $20 billion, for the new budget, but made cuts to missile defense programs — that would exist only so Sarah Palin could pretend that she’s shooting down Putin’s flying dick from outer space — and killed $140 billion in F-22 RAPTOR DEATH PLANE contractor looting schemes. The “new money” will be focused on Iraq and Afghanistan. And yet this has all been parlayed rather easily, on the teevee, into, “Why is Barack Obama not giving the Pentagon a single dollar, and why does he want to lose more wars?” [Washington Monthly, TPM]


BOOM YOU'RE DEAD

Heritage Foundation Releases Terrifying New Action Film

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Now that George W. Bush’s war secretary, Robert Gates, is making cuts in missile defense spending, he is officially a San Francisco liberal who wants America to get bombed — nuclear bombed, like on 9/11. Do you want to get 9/11ed again? asks the Heritage Foundation’s new movie, 33 Minutes, where a bunch of old farts say that Iran and North Korea will nuke us with ICBMs in 33 minutes if we make these missile defense spending cuts. The music is scary, very scary, and somewhat Muslin-sounding in the beginning, as we look at New York City. 9/11. [Heritage Foundation via Spencer Ackerman]


TODAY'S SCHEDULED NEWS

Those Gates & Clinton Cabinet Appointments Everybody Knew About Are Now Official!

Monday, December 1st, 2008

Two dollar Bills!Several years ago, Hillary Clinton’s shadowy cabal whispered to every known news agency that she, Hillary Clinton, would be secretary of state for Obama, making her the first white lady to be secretary of state in eight years! This historical appointment was almost ruined by Hillary’s terrible “husband,” who did not want to reveal the names of donors to his special foundation dedicated to flying Bill around on a jet full of booze and broads. MORE »


SECRETARY OF WAR

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
  • GATES TO STAY AT DEFENSE: Politico hears from officials from both parties that Barack Obama asked Bob “Who?” Gates to stay on as Defense Secretary, and Gates has accepted. So there’s your Token Republican cabinet member! Now Barry’s free to name Susan Sarandon to head Veterans Affairs, or whatever he wants. As for Gates: he could be a horrible warlord for all we know, but the most important thing is that he’s not fussy, and that’s a rare trait in this egocentric town of whiny bitches. And Gates even broke Bush administration decorum by exhibiting flairs of nuanced thinking every now and then. He and Obama will be best friends. [Politico]

WARMONGERS

Who Will Be Obama’s Token Republican Cabinet Member?

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Obama is Cartman.Our nation’s Presidents have a long and glorious history of promising “bipartisan healing” and such when it comes to Cabinet appointments. They say they will appoint members of the opposition party to important positions and then they give some toothless middle-of-the-roader an invisible Cabinet post that nobody cares about. Remember Norman Mineta, the Democratic transportation secretary in the early George W. Bush years? No? That’s because he was completely boring and unimportant. (He did have an airport named after him, though! A terrible airport.) Our future President Barack Obama plans to follow in this grand tradition, with one Clintonesque twist: Just like Bill Clinton did, he’ll let a Republican have the high-profile job of Defense Secretary. MORE »


TOP

Bob Gates Speaks His Mind, Loves The Terrorists

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

What the hell’s wrong with Bob Gates, the Defense Secretary no one ever talks about? Recently he’s been running his yap with all sorts of liberal Democrat treasonspeak — just like Barack Obama, a known member of Hamas and Hezbollah and the Weather Underground. Apparently he *doesn’t* want to bomb Iran or Syria, or even France! Not only that, he says it’s counterproductive to even consider bombing these countries that need to be bombed. MORE »


DICK CHENEY

Stuck in Cuban Prison, We Know They Can’t Be Free

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

Please note that the prisoner is barefoot, walking on gravel. That is all.Did you really think they’d shut the Guantánamo Bay prison down? You’re so sweet. Bob Gates kinda did, too, only then he got that job as Defense Secretary and found out that the wheels of “justice” turn slower than an elderly gerbil on a really, really heavy wheel.

MORE »


TOP

Simply a Gaudy, Empty Show

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

She's a wonder!Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Last week was all about Condi’s big Carnival o’ Peace™ in Annapolis. Yes! That was only a few days ago! Not much happened, but that didn’t stop people from writing about it. Plus: more excerpts from Elizabeth Bumiller’s Condiography which is maybe going to be serialized in Maureen Dowd’s column. And, finally, it was Mean Caricature Week! After the jump, we’ll relive the Condiweek that was.

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IRAQ

U.S. Marines No Longer Answer To U.S.

Thursday, October 11th, 2007

As has happened so many times throughout history, a powerful military force has decided to act on its own, ignoring the feeble government supposedly in charge of its troops — and this time, that weak, rotten power is Washington! The Marines are planning to leave Iraq, the New York Times reported today, but they haven’t bothered to tell the American government and its ostensible boss of the military, placeholder Secretary of Defense Robert “I wish I was back at Texas A&M” Gates. MORE »


GEORGE BUSH

They’ve Got to Use that Leftover Moonlanding Soundstage for Something

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

You may have heard that Bush made a *OMG SURPRISE!* trip to Iraq yesterday with his BFF, Condi, and his tiny (yet perfectly-formed) defense secretary Robert Gates. Or did they? Even the Washington Times seemed puzzled this morning, wondering, How’d they do that? Maybe they didn’t! See the peculiarly unconvincing AP photos after the jump…

MORE »