Wonkette

• BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT OF FUNDRAISING: Obama raised $51 million in July, compared to John McCain’s $27 million. The Republican National Committee still has way more cash on hand than its Democratic counterpart, however, because the Democrats are spending all their money on beer and weed. [AP]

SPEAKING OF CONVENTION PARTY TIME: Regarding this, about the fancy cocktail parties in Denver and St. Paul, Wonkette is not seeing quite enough invitations. We’ll need four invites for all the fun things, thanks, and then we’ll post the sexy pictures here. [The Hill]

First, plans were made for the Republican convention in St. Paul during the first week of September, at the Xcel Center, starring John “Oh him” McCain. Then, wacky freedom-fighter Ron Paul and his Campaign for Literacy anounced a Paultard rally, a weeklong thing that would also take place during the first week of September, but at the Pepsi Center in Minneapolis. Oh and there’s also a socialist May Day rally of some kind, which we only know about because hey, free Steve Earle concert. But also: dirty hippies and laborists. And today we learn Ralph “Malph” Nader is having his secret rally in Minneapolis, too. MORE »

Working for the Republican National Committee would be so freaking fun. When your electorate consists of the dumbest shits in the country, even the simplest, most transparent appeals to nativism, homophobia, or provincialism will preserve your monolithic base’s loyalty for decades. And so here’s the latest creative output from the RNC — which, along with BarackBook.com, constitutes the “July 29 RNC Twofer.” It is a comical video about what an Obama commercial in Germany would look like. Deep techno beats, robots, gay flashing colors, David Hasselhoff, anti-American German interviews, various other Eurotrash tropes. And you must watch the very end. Oh, it’s really not an option. [YouTube]

Say you’re a Republican incumbent, or maybe you’re the GOP candidate trying to take over a lucrative Senate or House seat for a retiring Republican. You would want to go to the big Republican Convention and bask in the successful glow of the GOP candidate for president, not to mention the outgoing Republican president who served two exciting terms, right? Wrong. You stay home, to avoid the stench of loserdom. MORE »

Since John McCain cannot appeal to America’s Youth in any demonstrable way, he has to rely on the famously hip and “with it” RNC to awaken the young voters’ elan vital. And what do the children like this millennium? The Facebook, of course! And, perchance, would there were a way to use New Yorker Satire to mock Barry Hussein with a Facebook spinoff, on the Internet? One might call it the “BarackBook”! Let’s explore the RNC’s ingenius new “BarackBook,” and possibly not kill ourselves in the process. MORE »

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John McCain might have a crappy old web site that sells golfing gear, but the Republican National Committee is running a very sophisticated Interwebs operation on his behalf. It is so sophisticated that they finally stopped the clock counting how many days had passed since Obama had been to Iraq, and maybe they will even reset it next week, after the clock-winder gets back from his vacation in Orlando. But the very best part of this web site is a section called “Can We Ask?”, where visitors get to ask Barack Obama questions. They are predictably hilarious. MORE »

The mouth-breathers in charge of GOP.com, the RNC’s hilarious website, still have this ticker proudly displayed front-and-center on their homepage. While Barack Obama has still not agreed to McCain’s series of 12,000 town hall duels, he is in Baghdad right now, which we believe is in Iraq, so this counter on the left should probably be at zero. Or is this whole trip a green-screened conspiracy, like 9/11, which Barack Obama also planned? Why is Barack Obama inventing 9/11 trips today? [GOP.com]

My god, they just keep asking for more: “The Republican Party is seeking your input as we develop the policies and principles upon which we should stand for the next four years. On this website, you can share your thoughts, participate in polls, and communicate directly with the policymakers who will be shaping the party’s agenda.” As Wonkette commenters like to say, “more ass-fucking.” [Republican Platform Committee]

Here is some guy named Mike who apparently runs the RNC, and he’s asking you to submit videos explaining Why You Are A Republican in 2008. The prize is a free Werther’s sucker. Do you think Mike will be surprise with all the amateur gay porn videos he receives in the coming days? [YouTube]

An email has been circulating from the RNC asking you to celebrate President George W. Bush’s 62nd birthday, which is happening very soon. You can send him an e-Card with your personal greetings and pictures of your genitals, and maybe he’ll respond this time and finally leave his wife, like he promised you in 1989! THIS YEAR IT WILL HAPPEN, RIGHT? Of course, you are required to donate to the RNC to send your card. A small price to pay! [GOP.com via Washington Whispers]

Here’s a new RNC ad that scans over Obama’s pithy resume, as any good potential employer would. While Obama claims he went to Chicago as a “community organizer,” the RNC takes away the Liberal Spin and rightly lists the job as “street organizer,” which is a euphemism for “HE’S FUCKING BLACK, PEOPLE! YOU’RE VOTING FOR A FUCKING BLACK MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? BLACK BLACK BLACK! RAP! A NATION RUN BY A BLACK, IN THE STREETS! RIOTS! BLACK!” [YouTube]