Jesus, didn’t Michael Steele shame himself enough times last week to realize that he should never talk about anything related to health care, publicly, again? He must really care about passing this very detailed Seniors’ Bill of Rights he introduced last week, which would heroically prevent lawmakers from EVER making any cuts to Medicare, a program which he also hates and considers indicative of why government programs are inherently dysfunctional. Good for Michael Steele! MORE »

Intrepid Washington Independent blog reporter Dave Weigel has earned himself another steak ‘n’ baked dinner tonight by obtaining this, the RNC’s “2009 Future of American Health Survey.” YES. THAT IS LITERALLY QUESTION FOUR. Republicans, man! C’mon! Some of us just want to have a functioning polity here, okay? [Washington Independent]

We have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors on Capitol Hill or in the White House (just kidding, we know it all and will never tell you!), but it seems obvious that the Republican leadership has invested so much (all) of its energy into shouting “GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER OF HEALTHCARE” at the prospect of any legislation that simply removing the small, imaginary basis for this shouting — a public health insurance plan to compete with private insurers on a new health insurance exchange — would not change anything. And guess what! The RNC released a statement this afternoon saying that, indeed, co-ops are also evil socialistic government-run health care systems from the U.S.S.R. programmed to kill your white grandparents and children. MORE »

• MICHAEL STEELE RESPONDS TO RNC-REROUTING-PHONE-CALLS-TO-DNC-GATE: A kindly news-scribe at CBS credits your Wonkette for first “flagging” the bit about how the RNC has been redirecting DNC-instigated calls back to the DNC all day, and then, comically, asks Michael Steele about this: “Steele, sounding angry, then said, ‘don’t sit there and think that you’re going to direct a bunch of angry liberals’ to the RNC … ‘To sit back and say that this is some Republican cabal is a bunch of baloney,’ he said. ‘And you can substitute that B for something else if you want.’” A barrel of baloney? [CBS]

Here’s a fresh, confrontational new DNC ad telling people (rightly) to expect violent, insane crowds of mouth-breathing wingnuts at their local health care town halls this month unless they call the RNC immediately and ask, “please rein in your violent, insane crowds of mouth-breathing wingnuts at my local health care town halls.” But according to rich telephone-owning operative “RoseAnn,” the RNC number provided in the ad just takes you right back to the lousy gay Democrats: “When you call the RNC to complain … they connect you to the DNC - i called back and pushed const. affairs instead and the lady there laughed about it - and said the dems called us nazis so we have to fight fire w/ fire….” Another exciting Wednesday in Washington! [YouTube]

Last year, poor ol’ Johnny Walnuts spent 75 percent of his campaign either changing Sarah Palin’s runny diapers or apologizing to once-famous musicians for using their songs in campaign commercials that nobody watched. One of those musicians was Jackson Browne, who, like John Mellencamp, could have had a brilliant career as a composer of truck commercial jingles, but instead decided to waste his talents on being a liberal. MORE »

Good news for America’s uninsured, fat Poors: RNC Chairman Michael Steele knows how to make your healths better. It’s easy! Just fix it, okay baby? MORE »

“Fuck off and die,” Steele says, to the YouTube viral media star. No, just kidding, he invites him to Washington for a blowjob, because of math. MORE »

Just in time for Video Friday comes the RNC’s latest Guantanamo Bay video, outlining the very serious position that all but six members of the United States Senate have taken with regard to prisoner detention. [Balloon Juice]

Of all the people/organizations in Washington most likely to embarrass themselves with Twitter’s power of spontaneity, those masterful enablers of the Inadvertently Hilarious at the RNC probably lead the pack. So look what they found yesterday: a word-play! Oh that Obama, that lying OBAMA, one day it’s “Constitution” this, another day “Gay Europe” that. Links to a brief YouTube clip, with no historical context. Does anyone want to learn the historical context, though? No! This isn’t Harvard or whatever the hell it’s called, the other one, Dart-Mouth. MORE »

The RNC resolutions committee has… what is this… gone to the brink of executing some majestically stupid national-embarrassment stunt and PULLED BACK? Why it appears that the liberal rapper, Michael Steele, is ruining everyone’s fun: “Members of the Republican National Committee today have shelved a proposal to name the Democratic Party… the Democrat Socialist Party. In an agreement today, two RNC members who were sponsoring the resolution at a party assembly today said they had agreed to change the resolution’s language to urge Americans to oppose what the GOP is calling the Democrats’ ’socialist’ agenda.” This came after Steele issued a memo opposing the renaming because it would “accomplish little than to give the media and our opponents the opportunity to mischaracterize Republicans.” Hey Michael, SSSSHHHH. Stop spilling secrets! We need the JOKES, baby. [The Swamp]