Wonkette

My god, they just keep asking for more: “The Republican Party is seeking your input as we develop the policies and principles upon which we should stand for the next four years. On this website, you can share your thoughts, participate in polls, and communicate directly with the policymakers who will be shaping the party’s agenda.” As Wonkette commenters like to say, “more ass-fucking.” [Republican Platform Committee]

Here is some guy named Mike who apparently runs the RNC, and he’s asking you to submit videos explaining Why You Are A Republican in 2008. The prize is a free Werther’s sucker. Do you think Mike will be surprise with all the amateur gay porn videos he receives in the coming days? [YouTube]

An email has been circulating from the RNC asking you to celebrate President George W. Bush’s 62nd birthday, which is happening very soon. You can send him an e-Card with your personal greetings and pictures of your genitals, and maybe he’ll respond this time and finally leave his wife, like he promised you in 1989! THIS YEAR IT WILL HAPPEN, RIGHT? Of course, you are required to donate to the RNC to send your card. A small price to pay! [GOP.com via Washington Whispers]

Here’s a new RNC ad that scans over Obama’s pithy resume, as any good potential employer would. While Obama claims he went to Chicago as a “community organizer,” the RNC takes away the Liberal Spin and rightly lists the job as “street organizer,” which is a euphemism for “HE’S FUCKING BLACK, PEOPLE! YOU’RE VOTING FOR A FUCKING BLACK MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? BLACK BLACK BLACK! RAP! A NATION RUN BY A BLACK, IN THE STREETS! RIOTS! BLACK!” [YouTube]

The Republican National Committee is offering you the greatest gift for your loved ones for Irish Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day! This is Paddy, “the newest member of the Republican National Committee’s family of elephants.” Paddy left the IRA after Hillary Clinton took its gun, and now he is “a wonderful plush toy and makes a perfect gift for St. Patrick’s Day.” The RNC urges you to “give Paddy to the ‘Green’ Republican in your life who is dedicated to improving the environment.” This describes John McCain and no one else. But there are other terrorist stuffed elephant friends of Paddy’s, and they’re Jews! MORE »

This weekend, the Republican National Committee held its “winter retreat” in the woodlands of the Pacific coast, also known as Los Angeles’ Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Karl Rove was there, as was the guy who runs the RNC… [checks Wikipedia]… Robert Duncan. While they all agreed that Hillary Clinton would be easily beatable, because she’s a Rodham, they had fun devising “main strategic attacks” for a Barack Obama nomination. What five points did they outline in their Power Point presentation, and what does each mean? A Wonkette Chart(tm) explains all, after the jump. MORE »

The GOP can’t just pick on Barack Obama with these valentines, because that would be racist. So here’s some clever wordplay, involving two of the alphabet’s most famous letters, “t” and “ax.” [RNC: Valentine's Day Cards]

For the past 72 years, the Republican National Committee has been preparing for Hillary’s 2008 presidential run. A vast warehouse of anti-Hitlery clip art and dumb slogans was ready for General Election warfare. But now it seems young & hopeful Barack Obama might end up as the nominee. What will they come up with to go against Mr. Inclusive “I Like Reagan” Obama — especially when he already willingly admitted his Ivy League dope fun in a book? The answer is “complain that he hasn’t been in Washington long enough.” [RNC Valentine]

DEPARTMENT OF GRANDIOSE PLANS: We’ve got all kinds of exciting plans for your 2008 entertainment! Ken Layne is covering the Republican and Democratic conventions somewhere in Colorado or Minnesota or something, and the Nevada Caucus, and other stuff! Jim Newell and Elizabeth Glover are going to New Hampshire to kidnap John McCain for the Log Cabin Republicans! Plus, other assignments! This will be the best 2008, ever. BUT WE AREN’T GOING TO IOWA, even though we’ll have full team live-blogging coverage all night, until Ron Paul’s victory speech (for both nominations). So if you’re in Iowa please send us lots of crap, and keep the comments busy, and a special lucky person who sends us lots of tips will get a FREE gift, probably a Wonkette t-shirt. (Do we still have those, Megan & Jim?)

“Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.) resigned Friday as general chairman of the Republican National Committee, leaving all top-level leader duties for the embattled GOP to Mike Duncan, the current chairman.” [Politico]