Oh we hate you. We hate you. You are a stinking whining sanctimonious sack of death tampons and pus. You, Joe Lieberman, insult the dignity of roaches. You are a diarrhea diaper. Let’s liveblog your pathetic bullshit. MORE »

Old Dipshit Magee is gonna plain tell folks how’s good ol’ folks goin’ figger times ’bout proper we types need set up Mr. & Missus McPalin needin’ not have a colored for preznit. Let’s liveblog this fucking Gucci-clad Washington lobbyist millionaire fraud Hollywood suit. MORE »

Someone asked for photographic evidence of all the emptiness happening at this wiener of a convention, so here you are. The upper and club level seats in this side of the arena — each of which has a very clear view of the stage — are not even half-full. For some perspective: we took this photo around 8 p.m. local time. If we had shown up at 8 p.m. local time looking for a seat at the Democratic convention, there would have been no seats or oxygen remaining anywhere for three hours already. It would have been an insult to God to show up at 8 p.m.! Denver was so awful like that, the people and the what not.

Did you see child embryo harvester loser Michele Bachmann speak, just now? She was looking pretty! Her speech was tragically boring, by Bachmann Standards, but she did say on CNN last night that Sarah Palin has more experience than “Barack Obama and Joe Biden combined.” Oh god now there is some young gal lip syncing on on the stage. Btw, look at those glass panels in front of the steps to the glossy stage. The steps are INACCESSIBLE and fraudulent, just like this whole thing, bah. AND STILL no one is here.

We ran into YOUR president, George W. Bush, on the streets of St. Paul. He’s been arrested oh no! This is why he can’t appear in person to deliver his address — he’ll be getting bondage-whipped by this pink sexbot cop on the shores of the Mississippi river for the rest of his term. Also, we’ve gone through the official schedule of the night’s events and, shortly after 9:00 ET, there will be a video tribute to George “H.” W. Bush, the Yankee plutocrat everyone pretends to like these days. This comes right after the video tribute to Abraham Lincoln, whose presidency failed due to his lack of previous experience. *Just saying.* Also MICHELE BACHMANN is speaking within the hour. Tee hee!

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom? MORE »

• OH MY GOD IT IS STARTING! The evil anti-American hurricane is now gone, so the RNC is finally really starting for reals! There is somebody singing the National Anthem. There were some military dudes of age, yelling “left left left,” in honor of McCain. We are all stuck in here, forever.

Today your editor decided to “get serious” and go to a sober panel discussion, during the day, at the lovely Minnesota Public Radio building in downtown St. Paul. So many “famous” people were there! Jim VandeHei and Roger Simon of Politico, plus Nina Easton of FORTUNE and sometimes Fox News, and also Catalina Camia of USA Today and most famously, Mark McKinnon, who used to work on John McCain’s campaign until he quit because of his Loyalty Oath to Barack Obama. MORE »

John McCain has no idea what kinds of hell he’s unleashed: “WASILLA, Alaska (AP) — Bristol Palin’s boyfriend plans to join the family of the Republican vice presidential candidate at the GOP convention. Levi Johnston’s mother said her 18-year-old son left Alaska on Tuesday morning to join the Palin family in St. Paul, Minn.” Levi Johnston must be loving this. He is, after all, the guy who wrote “Ya fuck with me I’ll kick [your] ass” on his MySpace page. He’s just gonna be cold fuckin’ bitches and pounding fuckin’ beers on the stage with John fuckin’ McCain, fuckin’ beatin’ up delegates and shit. [AP]

Sarah Palin will not be making an appearance at the RNC tonight, but why? Because you have to put Country First. Also: she’s a failure. [CBS2]

We’ve received hundreds of photos and Photoshops in the last few days about either Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin’s spawn, or comical people in the Twin Cities for the convention. Since your male associate editor rarely wakes before noon, he misses many of these, but he’ll try to post some of the better ones here. The above graphic, for example, is probably the best of the 20-30 different Juno knock-offs (or “knock-ups,” HAHAHA WHEE) currently killing time in our inbox. MORE »