Wonkette

• RNC WANTS TO END ALL MAVERICK REFORMS NOW: Nine days have passed since the defeat of John McCain — whose name your editor has just typed for the first time all week, huzzah — and the RNC already is suing to overturn the ban on soft money donations to political parties, a.k.a. “John McCain’s thing.” It really must have been torture for these guys, having to pretend for many months that they didn’t hate WALNUTS! (Oh gosh, that felt so good to type.) [Marc Ambinder]

Well now we have leverage with the Republican party to rebuild it in the likeness of Truck Nutz. The Paultards, meanwhile, have nothing. [Rebuild The Party]

The Republican equivalent of being sent to the gulag is babysitting Sarah Palin, and this thankless task has fallen to former Bush staffer and current McCain employee Nicolle Wallace. What unspeakable sin did Wallace commit in order to be saddled with this terrible burden? Only History will tell. But for now she insists it is awesome to hang out with Sarah Palin all the time, and also she did not buy her all those clothes like Fred Barnes said she did. MORE »

We are one week before the election — consider that the next time we have a “Tuesday,” campaigning in the 2007-2008 Presidential Election will be over, our fate thrown into the tabulations of Machines — and the DNC website has the strong lead story, “Watch Obama’s Closing Argument.” The RNC website, conversely, tells you to watch lazy bumbler Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson speak from a fake Oval Office, for two minutes, under the banner of “Straight Talk.” That’s not even Fred Thompson’s fucking slogan! There is just not much confidence coming from the Republican party re: its candidate for president. [GOP.com via MoJo Blog]

Last week Sarah Palin was exposed as a vulgar fraud for parading around various poor white trash rallies in gazillion-dollar suits made by foreign elite gays and financed by a shadowy hedonist cabal called “the RNC”. She didn’t say anything about this terrible scandal for a while, because she trusted American voters would be more concerned about “real issues” like Barack Obama’s terrorist pals, who include Karl Marx. But after a few days of bad press she started saying things like, “These clothes isn’t mines,” and by this weekend she had reverted to wearing tragic street urchins’ rags to show she is a Real Pro-America American. MORE »

Hey, bitters, Sarah Palin is just like you! Except for the $150,000 Saks and Neiman-Marcus shopping sprees, we mean, and the $4,000 haircut. McCain’s campaign spent this huge pile of cash — more than what all but the richest Americans earn in a whole year — immediately after choosing Palin’s name from a hat filled with all the names of people who were registered Republicans, in America. Who knew she only owned shabby Alaskan tanning-salon outfits! She needed to be properly dressed and accessorized, to create those “starbursts” from the nutsacks of wingnuts. MORE »

A couple of readers have sent us this hysterical Republican PAC ad spotted on the Drudge Report, which depicts some angry black guy trying to give a 9/11 terrorist as many drivers licenses as he and his illegal Mexican Muslim friends want. … Oh now heavens to Betsy, wait a sec, that angry black guy is whosisbutt, Barkbama, the Democratic nominee for president! Now why would a presidential nominee and purportedly “pro-American” statesman “associate” with a known terrorist in an advertising campaign? An extra buck, eh? Shameless.

Here’s a new ad from those wacky jesters over at the RNC. It attacks Barack Obama for supporting the bailout that the House approved yesterday. Yes, that’s right: two (2) problems here. John McCain supported the bailout and, according to the man himself, made other House Republicans vote for it. And the bailout, as you may recall, didn’t pass. What gives? Oh that SILLY RNC: “The Republican National Committee’s new advertisement critical of the the Wall Street ‘bailout’ was produced and sent to television stations in key states before the package failed, officials at two stations said.” [YouTube, Ben Smith]

During the weird hurricane prayer service/unveiling of Sarah Palin trade show in St. Paul a few weeks back — which feels like exactly One Thousand Years ago — there were also some street protests. And the “Minnesota Nice” armored clone-army SWAT monster cops arrested some 800 ne’er-do-wells and guttersnipes for marching around and, in one kind of pathetic incident, throwing some Clorox on the slacks of an elderly delegate. Anyway, there were some News Reporters (liberals) out there just cold reportin’ on the action, and the mean cops arrested a bunch of them! MORE »

Check out this dude! He went to the Republican convention in St. Paul, as a delegate from Colorado! He is a 29-year-old attorney. He was real proud of himself, talking to the AP and giving this repulsive little interview to LinkTV. Ha ha ha ha ha, what happened to him is fantastic. It’s better than the infamous urban legend about the guy in the Batman suit raping some drunken loser at Mardi Gras — because this tale is true. MORE »

It might look something like this! Sorry for the “mash up” or whatever, but we are so tired of the endless daily fake outrage that we’re just going to become the Boing Boing of McCain-Palin now, with Sarah Palin Lego dildo cozies and McCain-Cthulhu papercraft Diaper Dekor shit sacks. [Barely Political]

Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »

America laughed again last night as a terrible “green screen” once again appeared behind John McCain, during his big speech at the RNC. Well, the “green” was actually the lawn of a school in North Hollywood, California. And the school is called “Walter Reed Middle School.” And the random idiot assigned the task of picking John McCain’s video background during the biggest speech of his career was apparently told to put a picture of Walter Reed Army Medical Center on the screen, and ineptly googled this utterly random California school picture, instead. And nobody knows what Walter Reed Hospital looks like, anyways, so everybody just assumed it was another one of his mansions. The school is about to release “a statement” damning McCain for inappropriately using the picture of this innocent school. All of this, as Josh Marshall notes, is exactly what happened in the movie Spinal Tap. [Talking Points Memo]