JOHN EDWARDS WANTED HIS WIFE TO DIE CONSTANTLY: The New York Times obliterated John Edwards this weekend, with its report about how he’s preparing to FINALLY be like, “yeah that’s mah baby.” Most terrifying part: “In the [book] proposal, which The New York Times examined, [former aide Andrew] Young says that he assisted the affair by setting up private meetings between Mr. Edwards and Ms. Hunter. He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.” Ace job, bro! [NYT]

From his teevee-anchor dyed & blow-dried hair to his repulsive stucco fortress on a million acres of North Carolina scraped dirt, everything about the ambulance-chasing personal injury attorney has always cried FRAUD, but the most disgusting part about Edwards was his phony public displays of fucky love for his poor (yet fantastically rich) old wife, who always has cancer. MORE »

Ooh hot tawdry news regarding the dippy videographer who had sex with John Edwards and then, some months later, had a baby, which is maybe just coincidence! This woman, Rielle Hunter, was spotted entering a courthouse in Raleigh earlier this morning. MORE »

• WHAT’S GROSSER THAN GROSS? “While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.” [New York Daily News]

Among the more bizarre aspects of the tragic “John Edwards is a sex lizard” story that broke last year was the part where a long-term aide claimed that he, the aide, was the father of Rielle Hunter’s baby and took her in to live with him and his wife and children for a while, all bankrolled by that lawyer and Democratic financier who’s now conveniently dead. The aide, Andrew Young, is shopping around a book that will presumably spill the beans on the very important question of who the father of the little Edwards-looking tot really is, because why else would you buy the goddamn thing, right? MORE »

• JOE TRIPPI SAYS EDWARDS SABOTAGE PLOT RUMORS ARE ‘COMPLETE BS’: Whaaaa? Does this mean somebody lied to our precious George Stephanopoulos? Prove it, Trippi. [JoeTrippi.com]

So it turns out that some top-level Edwards staffers (JOE TRIPPI???) were prepared to go public with news about their boss’s affair if it looked like he was in danger of actually winning the Democratic nomination. Thus: nobody ever had to worry about him ruining the party, because his own double-crossing employees would have ratted him out first. MORE »

You have probably heard by now about this “John Edwards” character, who constructed his own vulgarian Monticello out of dirt, mirrors, and his own crippling self-regard out in a mud-patch in North Carolina. He also ran for president, twice, but nobody wanted to elect him because he was such an awful reptilian phony. THEN it came out he was fucking some dreadful hippie on the 2008 campaign trail, which made his wife vomit when she heard about it, and the reason you haven’t seen that last bit mentioned on your Wonkette is that we honestly find the whole episode just that distasteful. But this we can get behind: possible misappropriation of campaign funds! MORE »

John Edwards has been mysteriously absent from the news for many months, ever since he announced that he could very well have gotten John McCain elected president had he (Edwards) won the Democratic nomination because he was having sex with some hippie crystal worshipper who gave birth to a child that looked like “John Edwards in a onesie” even though he was not the father. MORE »

One of the weirder angles on the John Edwards Sex Scandal is the part where the guy who says he’s Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy, Andrew Young, has to live in the same weird compound (OK FINE A “GATED COMMUNITY”) in North Carolina as Rielle Hunter, and then they all have to move to California, together, with their families, including Mrs. Young and their three children, because they are all in a terrible sex-induced Witness Protection Program. MORE »

SOUTHERN GOTHIC: “Rielle Hunter childhood horse assassination hands election to Obama.” [Gawker]