Tag Archives: rielle hunter

  oh did she mention she has a new book out?

Rielle Hunter Is ‘Sorry’ She Fell In Love With Your Husband, Ghost Elizabeth Edwards

It has taken seven years and the united hatred of a country that normally couldn’t agree on whether the sun is blocked by the rotation of the earth or whether it is eaten by the moon every night. Oh, and it has taken having a new book out, but forget that. Rielle Hunter is sorry. She apologizes. She did not know when she fell in love with John Edwards that it was selfish and wrong and terrible and cunty and the worst. And she did not know when she fucked him that she would fall in love with him, which was selfish and wrong and cunty and the worst. Read more on Rielle Hunter Is ‘Sorry’ She Fell In Love With Your Husband, Ghost Elizabeth Edwards…
  what about satan?

Cheer Up Congress, At Least You Are More Popular Than That Dude Who Knocked Up Rielle Hunter

Waah, everyone hates Congress, just because it is filled with adult babies who have managed to hold 1,237 votes on repealing Obamacare and outlawing abortion, but couldn’t manage to find time to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act, because Eric Cantor hates Native American women (thanks to “Elizabeth Warren,” probably). So Public Policy Polling released the results of its head-to-head match-ups of “Congress” vs. things like “head lice” and “Nickelback,” and Twitter was very pleased to announce that people love lice and Nickelback more than they love Congress. But we think they are seeing the glass as half-empty of carbolic acid, when it should be half-full of carbolic acid! Let us discover, together, the people and vermin who are less popular than Congress. Read more on Cheer Up Congress, At Least You Are More Popular Than That Dude Who Knocked Up Rielle Hunter…
  true lies

Mean Girl Barbara Walters Makes Rielle Hunter Eat Her Terrible Lies

You know what we at Wonkette don’t care about? Whether or not you want to read about and/or watch Rielle Hunter. We find everything about her, from the top of her shining golden head to the bottom of her doubtlessly temporary-henna-tattooed soles, freaking fascinating. Here, thanks to the good folks at Buzzfeed, is poor misunderstood Rielle (“I’m not a mistress! I’m a mom!”) just getting hammered by the Greek Chorus standing in for all of us, on The View. They do not care for her husband-stealing, or her trashing of Elizabeth Edwards, or her general nonsense vacuity in general. And for what else do they not care? Dudes, she lied on Barbara Walters. Read more on Mean Girl Barbara Walters Makes Rielle Hunter Eat Her Terrible Lies…
  a nation mourns

John Edwards And Rielle Hunter Broke Up Last Week, Or Possibly In 2008

You guys, extra-sad news! John Edwards and Rielle Hunter, who as far as we knew six days ago were America’s number one committed couple, are now totally broken up. Well, they’re still a family, because when you knock up your crazy new age-y campaign videographer and/or are knocked up by a married sleazeball presidential candidate, and then have a baby, you are basically linked for life, but “as of the end of last week, John Edwards and I are no longer a couple,” Rielle told important journalistic teevee show Good Morning America. So if you step outside and find that it’s raining even though the forecast called for clear skies, that’s probably angels crying! (Or maybe just water dripping from an air conditioning unit in a fifth-floor window.) But are John Edwards and Rielle Hunter still in love, despite breaking up? It’s impossible for us to say for certain, but yes, almost certainly yes. Read more on John Edwards And Rielle Hunter Broke Up Last Week, Or Possibly In 2008…
  skanks

Rielle Hunter and ‘Johnny’ Edwards Consummate Greatest Love Story Of Our Time

Watch out Liz and Dick, and Romeo and Juliet, and Buttercup and Wesley, and Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun, and Bristol Palin and that creepy Gino guy: Rielle Hunter is here to write the gauzy, Vaseline-lensed story of her Great Love with the world’s best husband, father, and all around guy, John Edwards, and it is a tale of Chivalrous and Romantic Love that will leave you breathless! Like for instance, how John Edwards denied paternity of their lovebaby because he was “temporarily insane” from 2008 until two weeks ago! “He was temporarily insane” and “needed serious help” when he denied paternity of their child in August 2008, she writes. “Think about it: Sane healthy people do not deny their children, especially on national TV, simply because they are afraid of their abusive spouse’s reaction. Only a mentally off person would do that,” she says. Edwards publicly acknowledged the 4-year-old only after the judge declared a mistrial on May 31. Read more on Rielle Hunter and ‘Johnny’ Edwards Consummate Greatest Love Story Of Our Time…
  crazy sluts

Rielle Hunter Needed Healer’s Help For ‘Wrong Sauce’ On Reuben Sandwich

It is hard to know who is less popular in Wonkville: lunatic hippie Rielle Hunter, or her tousled-locked boy lover, John Edwards. It is also hard to know who is less popular in the Young household — the Youngs being the couple who agreed to fake the husband’s affair with Hunter (and paternity of Edwards’ sex mistake) to cover for the once-and-future veep and Supreme Court justice, and who now seem to be having all the fun in the world testifying against him. We are not sure what Rielle Hunter being a total asshole has to do with John Edwards’ campaign finance violations, but prosecutors are not skimping on the details. For instance! [Cheri] Young described, too, how she and Andrew wrote several checks, including one for $8,000, to help Hunter pay for her spiritual adviser’s services. Hunter, she said, even called in the adviser for help when she complained, at a Colorado diner, that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce. But what kind of sauce was the wrong sauce for a Reuben sandwich? Read more on Rielle Hunter Needed Healer’s Help For ‘Wrong Sauce’ On Reuben Sandwich…
  'night johnboy

Husband of the Century John Edwards Purchased Human Lady Flesh From ‘Millionaire’ New York Sex Pimp

OH GOOD. Noted humanitarian and best guy ever John Edwards is not only seeking to make another human maybe with perfect soulmate Rielle Edwards. Nope. His name has also come up in conjunction with some sex-trafficking investigation in Manhattan, which has uncovered that he was purchasing sexxx with money during the presidential bid that was only cut short because his wife Elizabeth was about to die of horrible cancer. Ev’rybody got a warm happy feeling now? So glad. Read more on Husband of the Century John Edwards Purchased Human Lady Flesh From ‘Millionaire’ New York Sex Pimp…
  do not pass go. do not collect $200.

Maybe Baby! National Enquirer: John Edwards Still Putting Penis in, Trying to Impregnate, Rielle Hunter

Primpy shitsack “human” “man” John Edwards, who at one point was actually the progressive choice in the 2008 primaries — and Christ, we dodged that bullet — is still putting his penis in the vagina of flakey terrible person Rielle Hunter, and according to the Daily Mail’s regurgitation of the National Enquirer, is possibly open to the idea of making yet another small human with her/the rest of America vomit out its own eyeballs. From the Daily Mail’s cadging of the work of America’s No. 1 John Edwards News Source the Enquirer: Rielle Hunter is reportedly hoping to become pregnant before Edwards’ trial in April, after which he could be sentenced to up to 30 years in jail. GO TO JAIL, JOHN EDWARDS! GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL! Read more on Maybe Baby! National Enquirer: John Edwards Still Putting Penis in, Trying to Impregnate, Rielle Hunter…
  seeing the other america

John Edwards About To Be Indicted, If Obama’s DOJ Will Pull Trigger

Famous 2008 presidential sex-haver John Edwards is probably going to be indicted very soon for violating campaign laws in how he covered it all up, NBC News is reporting. “Son of a mill worker!” Edwards cursed to himself upon hearing this news, taking his lord’s name in vain. “We do not believe there is evidence that John has violated any election laws,” his attorney, Wade Smith, said, obviously very forcibly. Hey, you know who else was named “Wade”? John Edwards’ son who died. You know who else in John Edwards’ family died? His wife, the one that everybody loved. Those are the two reasons John Edwards should get whatever he wants, from staying out of jail to bedding all the floozies he wants to the presidency. What do you say, Iowa caucus-goers? John Edwards 2012: Campaigning From Jail Just Like His Close Personal Friend Martin Luther King. Read more on John Edwards About To Be Indicted, If Obama’s DOJ Will Pull Trigger…
  the mill life

Mistress To Wed John Edwards, Get Cancer, Justify 2012 Cancer-Pity Run

John Edwards, who was gestated in a millworker cut open by a lightsaber after nine months, has asked his mistress Rielle Hunter to marry him, according to the National Enquirer (again). Now, if John Edwards has any luck, this new wife will get cancer, and he will be able to exploit it for another presidential run while he simultaneously has sex with the first crazy person who comes up to him and tells him he’s “hott.” Look out, Obama! John Edwards was created when a bunch of mill dust was dusted off a millworker’s jacket and collected in a dustpan! He is a very serious perpetual candidate! “My new wife has cancer,” John Edwards will tell us. “And we have decided she will have cancer all over the state of Iowa for the next 14 months.” Read more on Mistress To Wed John Edwards, Get Cancer, Justify 2012 Cancer-Pity Run…
  things that happen to humans

Elizabeth Edwards Is Dying, Hates the Baby (Baby Jesus)

Hey you guys, Elizabeth Edwards, that lady whose husband cheated on her, is now dying. Do you remember when John Edwards announced she was dying of cancer at the beginning of his 2008 campaign, but he was staying in the race so you would vote for him out of pity? Yeah, that campaign promise was broken, because Elizabeth Edwards has lived for a while after that. She lived because she had unfinished business on this planet: She had to write a book about her husband’s bone-time and go around selling it to strangers. “Here is my anguish. There is a lot of sex stuff in it,” she told us, not long for this world, and everything ruined by her dumb husband. And now soon she is going away from us forever, according to a public statement she left in the hands of her dearest friend, The Facebook. But wait! There is no mention of Jesus in that statement! She hates that baby, and she and her cancer have teamed up to ruin His birfday, according to some guy! Read more on Elizabeth Edwards Is Dying, Hates the Baby (Baby Jesus)…
  '04 primary votes your editor now regrets casting

Anonymous Sources: John Edwards Sad, Lonely, Gross

Who says investigative journalism is dead? Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency has been paying (?) Diane Dimond to nose around the world’s most repugnant sleaze pits and report back on her findings! Having already blown the lid off of John Mark Karr’s “little girl sex cult,” she’s now moved on to something even more repugnant: John Edwards and his sad, lonely life, which is mostly focused on his legal problems and only occasionally involves failed attempts to sex up ladies. Read more on Anonymous Sources: John Edwards Sad, Lonely, Gross…
  do it do it do it

Watch Oprah Brutally Interrogate Rielle Hunter On Teevee Today!

Did you TiVo this afternoon’s edition of The Oprah Winfrey Program? Well fuck you then. Her guest will be famed sex person Rielle Hunter, who is pretty hilarious. But yeah, still not worth it. Instead, you should enjoy this ominous Official Oprah Trailer of the interview, where Oprah just yells things at Hunter for a while. And then there is some strange PSA about playing with telephones in cars, the end. [YouTube] Read more on Watch Oprah Brutally Interrogate Rielle Hunter On Teevee Today!…
  'I fell in love with Johnny Reid'

RIELLE HUNTER IS NOW SAD! Jesus, did she think they’d Photoshop some pants onto her? “Hunter reportedly ‘cried for two hours’ after she saw the pictures she deemed ‘repulsive’ that accompanied the 10,000 word interview she did with GQ magazine, according to Barbara Walters.” Eh, the Internet will forget them as soon as the next celebrity takes nudie pics with Muppets (Orrin Hatch, about an hour). And again: this interview is complete hilarity. Rielle Hunter is a cartoon version of what you thought Rielle Hunter would be. [CBS News] Read more on …
  america's funniest home videos

John Edwards Wriggles (His Tongue) Around In Rielle Hunter’s HooHa

Are we still writing about Gross-ass John Edwards and his she-witch Rielle Hunter and their sexy pregnant sex tape and the GQ interview and sad/insane cancer lady Elizabeth Edwards and all that? Maybe! Just for today, anyway. HERE YOU GO: “On the video, both participants are naked. Hunter is propped up against the hotel bed headboard, with John Edwards belly-down on the bed between her legs. As Hunter, the campaign’s official videographer, holds the camera, a smiling Edwards performs oral sex.” [Gawker] Read more on John Edwards Wriggles (His Tongue) Around In Rielle Hunter’s HooHa…
  TMI

Rielle Hunter Dishes On Gross Sex Affair With Gross Failed Presidential Candidate John Edwards

Are you one of the fistful of Americans who cares what Rielle Hunter does with her life since she bravely bore the child of the android King of Vulgarian Monticello, Mr. Johnny Edwards? Well, read on! Rielle Hunter has completed an interview with GQ and posed for a pantsless photo, just as Susan B. Anthony intended. Read more on Rielle Hunter Dishes On Gross Sex Affair With Gross Failed Presidential Candidate John Edwards…