Tag Archives: rick snyder

  Love Me Deadly

Stalkers! Lady Beaters! Come To Michigan And Pack All The Heat You Can Handle!

Won't someone think of the Second Amendment?
Just when you think that maybe America is no longer the bastion of freedom and individual liberty you thought it was, along comes an inspirational freedom-expanding development like this new Michigan law awaiting the signature of Gov. Rick Snyder. The bill would: Read more on Stalkers! Lady Beaters! Come To Michigan And Pack All The Heat You Can Handle!…
  not even bothering with a kitten for this one

Michigan Will Save All The Fetuses With Exciting New ‘Rape Insurance’ Law, For Freedom

Congratulations, Michigan Right To Lifers! You pushed through a very important law that will encourage women to keep their babies by banning insurance companies from covering abortion, unless policyholders purchase a separate rider. Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder had already vetoed a previous version of the bill, but it was reintroduced through a citizens’ petition, which allows the bill to become law without the governor’s signature, a nice little end-run that allows terrible but popular ideas to become law. Opponents of the legislation note that since the rider cannot be purchased once a woman becomes pregnant — even if by rape or incest — it requires women who want the option of abortion following a rape to plan ahead, leading some to call the law a “rape insurance” act. Read more on Michigan Will Save All The Fetuses With Exciting New ‘Rape Insurance’ Law, For Freedom…
  won't somebody think of the children?

Michigan Lady Might Run For Office Even Though She Has Children, What Is Even Up With That

Michigan’s next gubernatorial election is only 15 months away and the match-up is pretty much set. Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder is expected to face likely Democratic challenger Mark Schauer. Naturally the only responsible thing to do now is to speculate about who Schauer might select as his running mate. Michigan’s lieutenant governor is like a less important version of the vice president, so it’s really important that Schauer picks a running-mate who can impress the voters. Because voters are always super concerned about the LG candidates. Ok, most voters could care less. Like the VP, Michigan’s lieutenant governors are automatically elected if their party’s gubernatorial candidates wins. The people who cover local politics, however, can’t imagine anything more important than guessing who someone (assuming “someone” wins the gubernatorial nomination) might pick as their understudy more than a year from now. This is why the Michigan Information & Research Service, a legislative newsletter known affectionately as MIRS to people with affections for legislative newsletters, is very curious about Ingham County Clerk Barb Byrum’s prospects as Schauer’s running-mate. Did Schauer suggest that, if nominated, he would consider Byrum as his number two? He did not. But he apparently said he’d like a “strong pro-choice female” on his ticket. Is Barb Byrum a lady? Yes, she is. Does she like the abortions? So much so that the brave men who run the state House, once gave her a “time out” because she simply would not shut up about it. There you go. Barb Byrum for lieutenant governor! Well, not so fast. Byrum has some young children and only MIRS is willing to courageously think of Barb Byrum’s children. Read more on Michigan Lady Might Run For Office Even Though She Has Children, What Is Even Up With That…
  they'll fix you. they fix everything

Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed

After decades of declining population, factory closures, middle-class flight to the suburbs, and a shrinking tax base, Detroit filed for bankruptcy Thursday, leading to uncertainty about how the city will continue to provide essential services and meet its commitments to retirees — nah, just kidding, it doesn’t have to do any of that. Somehow, the largest municipal bankruptcy in American history was absolutely necessary even as the stock market is hitting record highs, corporate profits are also booming, and the auto industry is coming back from the financial crash. Even the GM bailout has turned out pretty well, and is set to return $1 billion to the Treasury from the sale of the government’s GM stock. So obviously, the Detroit bankruptcy is the fault of greedy unions. Read more on Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed…
  it stinks

Oh Look, An Actual Shadow Government Conspiracy Called ‘Skunk Works’ Is Happening In Michigan

Let’s say you are Michigan nerd-governor Rick Snyder’s chief information officer David Behen and let’s say you had a fun idea for a school voucher policy. How would you go about making your special plan a reality? Would you go through normal channels to make policy in the transparent process that we’ve become accustomed to in these United States? No, you would not. Now is not the time for the burdensome government regulation of open policy-making. Now is the time for relentless positive action. Because “more and better jobs.” And that means doing things in a secret “skunk works” with corporate interests. With the skunk works system, you don’t get bogged down with issues or concerns from so-called “teachers” or bother unwashed plebs with the details of their popular government. Read more on Oh Look, An Actual Shadow Government Conspiracy Called ‘Skunk Works’ Is Happening In Michigan…
  literally

Mitt Romney Is Literally The Worst Choice Ever For Detroit’s Emergency Manager

The city of Detroit, which has been basically issuing bonds to pay for daily expenses since 2005, is in such bad fiscal shape that even people who bought exurban McMansions in 2005 with reverse-money-down ARMs think the city is in a financial mess. That’s why America’s favorite pro-“right-to-work” nerd-governor, Rick Snyder, is going to appoint an emergency manager to gut pensions restructure the city’s finances. Emergency management is a pretty severe budget-cutting process but Detroit is in such bad shape that even the guy who runs something called michiganliberal.com is like: Yeah, Detroit kind of needs this pain. Which is true because Detroit has been on the brink of running out of cash for the better part of a year, but it’s also one of those things where what did people expect? When a region of 4.4 million people literally concentrates its poverty and abandonment in a city of 700,000 (with an ever-shrinking middle-class population, fed up with a municipality with both high taxes and poor public services) things can only end badly. But why wallow in these big issues of “good governance” and “regionalism” when we can speculate who Snyder will select as Detroit’s very own Chris Traeger? Even national pundits like Charles Lane and David Weigel are getting into it. On “Fox News Sunday,” Washington Post opinion writer Charles Lane suggested the former GOP presidential nominee and turnaround expert at private equity firm Bain Capital should get the job of turning Detroit around. “You do see that Mitt Romney is a person with a lot of ability and a lot of energy. Who still has got a lot to contribute, and, you know, his hometown of Detroit, right now, has just been put into state receivership or it’s about to be,” Lane said. “I wonder if there is no role for him in the restructuring of Detroit. He’d be the perfect person to do it. He has got the expertise, he’s a hometown guy, and he is a kind of a political free agent at this point. That is the kind of thing that he could, I think, contribute in the future.” Last week, Dave Weigel writing in a piece for the online magazine Slate titled “Give Detroit to Mitt Romney,” first suggested the move. This is a terrible idea and not just because Mittens is an insufferably entitled twit with no experience with municipal finance. Read more on Mitt Romney Is Literally The Worst Choice Ever For Detroit’s Emergency Manager…
  postracial harmony

Governor Rick Snyder Celebrates Black History Month By Taking Over Detroit

Remember Detroit? It’s a city in Michigan that used to be the thriving hub of the United States’ manufacturing industry. It was the Silicon Valley of its day, full of well-paid workers and virulently anti-semitic managers that nevertheless believed in corporate responsibility to the social contract. Sadly that city has fallen on hard times in the last thirty or so years and has been reduced to being the source of material for second-rate comedians and “ruin porn” for the derivative portfolios of uncreative art students. But on the plus side you can buy a house for roughly the same price as a used Honda! Read more on Governor Rick Snyder Celebrates Black History Month By Taking Over Detroit…
  oh my

Michigan Lawmakers Want To Let You Own Lions And Tigers, Just As The Founding Fathers Intended

Let’s say you live in Michigan and want to buy a man-eating wild animal. Thanks to burdensome regulations, it’s very difficult to buy a tiger or a bear unless you are a major civic institution zoo. That’s the government for ya, always hassling the small businessman. Thankfully, brave patriots in the Michigan legislature plan to remedy the situation with what we we’ll just pretend is called the Freedom To Own Tigers And Lions Act of 2012. Freedom To Own Tigers And Lions is all about creating more and better jobs, as Governor Rick Snyder might say. Read more on Michigan Lawmakers Want To Let You Own Lions And Tigers, Just As The Founding Fathers Intended…
  popularity contests

Cool-Kid Michigan Voters To Bully Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder With Votes

The dumb jocks who elect Michigan governors aren’t happy with current nerd governor Rick Snyder just because he signed a Right To Work bill into law basically before the damn thing was written and otherwise sat on his thumbs as the state legislature conducted a lame duck session so radical that it made Robespierre’s Committee of Public Safety look sane and deliberate in comparison. Read more on Cool-Kid Michigan Voters To Bully Nerd-Governor Rick Snyder With Votes…
  let them eat stock

Union Thugs Terrorize Michigan Cops’ Pepper Spray Canisters, With Their Faces

“Protestors stormed the Michigan capital yesterday on Thursday, prompting the police to use pepper spray,” says the police stenographer reporter over a video of people walking around in a fairly orderly fashion as they chant hey HEY, ho HO, et cetera cetera, like common terrifying thugs. Sadly, Pepper Spray Cop did not see fit to give any “food product” to the fellows from the Koch Brothers’ “grassroots” Americans for Prosperity, who broadcast old Gipper speeches for the education and benefit of the union president’s brothers. Read more on Union Thugs Terrorize Michigan Cops’ Pepper Spray Canisters, With Their Faces…
  if their clothes didn't smell how would you know they're orphans?

Michigan Solves Deficit By Forcing Foster Kids Into Thrift Store Clothes

The state of Michigan is facing a budget deficit of $1.4 billion this year. How did Governorissimo Rick Snyder decide to fix this problem? By giving businesses $1.8 billion in tax cuts. Whoops! Silly governor, that makes the deficit bigger! This must all be a huge misunderstanding! How could somebody be presented with a problem of this magnitude and decide the best solution would be to double it? Because Michigan Republicans have a plan, that’s why. There’s a thing called “foster kids,” food-and-shelter fat cats who get their kicks being able to exist and hoping that someday somebody will love them. Did you know Michigan gives these children a stipend to spend on clothes to wear to school? Not anymore! The deficit/new business tax cuts cost will be fixed on the backs of foster kids, by making them buy all their clothes at thrift stores. Read more on Michigan Solves Deficit By Forcing Foster Kids Into Thrift Store Clothes…
  moose-olini

Mich. Gov Training Army of ‘Corporate Advisers’ To Destroy Local Governance

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder is pushing ahead on his path to fascism (the good kind! the American kind!), making good on his plans to fire locally elected officials and install his own people to rule over municipalities across the state by setting up a “crash course” program that will instruct an army of 400 henchmen who could quickly be installed as lords over local governments. Like Snyder, these people “have experience in the private sector,” so they’re the best kind of people to run struggling governments: people who have no experience running governments. It’s probably about time we put walls around Michigan and Wisconsin, for our own safety. Read more on Mich. Gov Training Army of ‘Corporate Advisers’ To Destroy Local Governance…
  shoot the apple grubbers!

Michigan GOP Looking To Revoke All Teachers’ Licenses If They Strike

Michigan Republicans came in a little late to Wisconsin’s union-arson party, but they’re uncovering innovative new ways to wage war on their state’s working population. Today’s weapon: a plan to revoke the teaching license of the state’s educators if their unions go on strike at any time. Under existing law, teachers aren’t even legally allowed to go on strike, but it’s rarely enforced. Not because there’s anything wrong with a state putting its citizens on trial because they protested something; because it’s costly to hold hearings for each individual teacher. But under the new legislation, Michigan could ban its entire workforce of teachers from the profession if they all decide to strike over Governor Rick Snyder’s proposed cuts. Yeah, that will teach those evil teachers a lesson about trying to hurt the education of our children! Now nobody will be able to teach the kids of Michigan! Oh, wait. Read more on Michigan GOP Looking To Revoke All Teachers’ Licenses If They Strike…
  dick

MI GOP Gov Slashing Unemployment Benefits To Finally Ruin State Forever

When all your state’s remaining residents are forced to rely on unemployment benefits, that’s pretty much the only thing keeping the economy afloat. But Michigan Governor Rick Snyder doesn’t care. He signed a law that on the surface seems like it was just written to allow residents to collect benefits extended by the federal government, but hidden in the language is a cut to unemployment benefits next year, changing the law so Michigan will only pay 20 weeks of benefits, the lowest level in the nation. The Michigan Chamber of Commerce says the law is a “huge win for job providers,” but isn’t that an oxymoron? Who exactly provides jobs in Michigan these days? Pretty much just U-Haul. Get out while you still can, Michiganders. Rick Snyder is trying to destroy you. Read more on MI GOP Gov Slashing Unemployment Benefits To Finally Ruin State Forever…
  sweep the legs

Michigan Gov Giving Himself Power To Take Over Cities, Destroy Their Unions

Make no mistake, Michigan has a whole lot of financial problems, pretty much all the time. It’s the only state in the Union that continually bleeds residents more residents than it takes in and thus loses much of its tax base each year. And it’s not just the state government, which has to make cuts to balance its budget each year, that has problems; many municipalities abandoned their police forces and other services and allowed state agencies, such as the state police, to come in and oversee them. But this is something altogether: new Governor Rick Snyder will soon sign a bill that will allow him to take over or even eliminate whole cities or school districts, remove locally elected officials, install puppet leaders or even corporations to take over, and drop all existing contracts the locale is bound to, including, of course, collective bargaining agreements. Read more on Michigan Gov Giving Himself Power To Take Over Cities, Destroy Their Unions…