Tag Archives: rick scott

  Climate change climate change climate change also climate change

Obama Celebrates Earth Day By Trolling Dumb Florida Republicans

Yes, he's mocking you
It might be illegal to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” in Florida, but that’s not stopping President Obama from going there to say “CLIMATE CHANGE” a whole bunch of times, for Earth Day. Oh, does that make it awkward for you, Florida? And for all you Floridian Republicans — Gov. Rick Scott, former Gov. Jeb Bush, Sen. Marco Rubio — who are like, “Meh, Bible says nuh uh, no THOSE WORDS here”? Too bad, so sad, CLIMATE CHANGE. Read more on Obama Celebrates Earth Day By Trolling Dumb Florida Republicans…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  boom flakkalaka flakkalaka flakkalaka flakka boom

Gyrocopters, Demons, And Squirrelly Motherf*ckers! Your Florida Roundup

Florida Man was fucking busy this week, you guys! Let’s dive right in. Meet Doug Hughes, Great American Hero. (Oh wait, you already have.) Mr. Doug is a dedicated public servant and self-proclaimed Showman Patriot, a 61-year-old mailman from Ruskin, Florida (no, we have no idea where that is), who decided to combat the scourge of excess campaign money (which is definitely A Thing That Deserves To Be Combatted) by hopping in his gyrocopter (A Thing That Also Apparently Exists) and flying to the nation’s Capitol. Hughes wanted to drop off a letter to each of the 535 members of Congress telling them they could just go fuck the fuck off if they didn’t want to combat corruption, just like Thomas Jefferson would … even though he was going through restricted Washington DC airspace: Read more on Gyrocopters, Demons, And Squirrelly Motherf*ckers! Your Florida Roundup…
  Christ what an asshole

Florida Turns Down Obamacare Money, Now Suing For More Obamacare Money

Christ, what an asshole
Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R-Heartless Bastard) was against Medicaid expansion before he was for it, but now he’s back to being against it. Really against it. Of course he still wants federal dollars for his state’s own version of providing health care to low-income patients, but he’ll be goddamned if he’s going to let Obama tyrannize him into taking icky Obamacare dollars. And that is why he will SEE YOU IN COURT, Obama administration: Read more on Florida Turns Down Obamacare Money, Now Suing For More Obamacare Money…
  but did he summon Beetlejuice?

Florida Appointee Utters ‘Climate Change’ Three Times In Succession, Summons Devil Himself

Did somebody say my name???
Florida, soon to be known as the “Look, Mom, I’m In The Ocean!” state, due to the fact that the liberal conspiracy of “climate change” is fixin’ to sink it real good, has been in the news lately, over the fact that you may or may not be allowed to utter the words “climate change,” if you work for Florida’s Department Of Environmental Protection (DEP). It’s not a written policy, of course — it’s just more UNDERSTOOD that, if you want to remain in good standing with your Koch Brothers-owned state gubmint, you’d better be pretty careful about saying … THOSE WORDS. Democratic state senators have been enjoying bullying Gov. Rick Scott’s various minions, trying to set evil liberal traps that force them to say the bad words, which describe something that 97% of climate scientists agree is a real, true thing. Read more on Florida Appointee Utters ‘Climate Change’ Three Times In Succession, Summons Devil Himself…
  this week’s column basically wrote itself

Who Forgot To Close The F*cking Sunroof?: Your Florida Roundup

just bearing my arms, bro
Florida: The only godforsaken place on Earth where — on baseball’s Opening Day — you can have a rain delay in a stadium that has a fucking roof: Congratulations to the Miami Marlins on finding a way to stop their first game of the season with a rain delay, despite having a stadium with a roof. They are pioneers. Pioneers who didn’t close their roof. Better yet: Because this is a stadium with a fucking roof, the grounds crew really had no equipment to deal with a drenched field. Read more on Who Forgot To Close The F*cking Sunroof?: Your Florida Roundup…
  You'll have nothing and like it

Gov. Rick Scott Changes Mind Again, Murders Medicaid For Florida After All

The face of evil, basically
Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R-Not Actually Human) has seen the light on Medicaid expansion. You know, the original light he saw when he first opposed it, but then changed his mind and saw the other light during the 2014 election and supported it in a real tear-jerker of a speech that turned out to be all lies (surprise!). But now, in the middle of budget negotiations with the state legislature, he’s back to thinking Medicaid expansion is a terrible idea for Florida: Read more on Gov. Rick Scott Changes Mind Again, Murders Medicaid For Florida After All…
  Take A Cruz On Denial

Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church

Get your denier bingo cards out!
In a bravura performance Tuesday, Ted Cruz crammed an astonishing number of lies about global warming into four minutes of a longer interview with Texas Tribune reporter Jay Root. It was really pretty impressive! Cruz asserted that “we should follow the science and follow the evidence” on climate change, and then proceeded to reel off a whole catalogue of distortions, half-truths, and outright lies that have been refuted again and again. He hit just about every space on the Climate Denial Bingo card; for the sake of our sanity, we won’t refute everything he said, just some of our favorite stretchers. Read more on Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church…
  Rick Management

Florida State Senators Taunt Emergency Chief: You Ain’t Allowed To Say ‘Climate Change’!

love the audience reaction here
Florida’s Senate had entirely too much fun taunting Gov. Rick Scott’s head of emergency management last week, trying to get Bryan Koon to say the words “climate change,” which, as we all know, is a Banned Word of Power in Florida’s executive branch these days. And who can blame them? Who wouldn’t love the chance to make the guy squirm, knowing that he has orders — even though of course Scott says there’s no ban on the words. Really? Then why won’t you say those words, Mr. Koon? You know the words. SAY THE WORDS. Read more on Florida State Senators Taunt Emergency Chief: You Ain’t Allowed To Say ‘Climate Change’!…
  Instead Of 'Floodng' Let's Just Say 'Boatable Streets'

Florida Employee Says ‘Climate Change,’ Has To Write ‘Science Is A Lie’ 10,000 Times

So it's a little water. Big deal.
So there’s this “Florida” place that’s gradually being swallowed by the ocean, what with rising sea levels. But Gov. Rick Scott is quite sure that isn’t really happening, because he is pretty much the mayor of Amity Island in Jaws.* If nobody in Florida government says “climate change” or “global warming,” the problem will just go away. Actually, what problem? There is no shark sea level rise problem. Plenty of land still above water, please come to Florida and build some more condos, won’t you? Read more on Florida Employee Says ‘Climate Change,’ Has To Write ‘Science Is A Lie’ 10,000 Times…
  Revenge Of The Sea Level

FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!

No Disaster Preparedness Funds for you!
In an elegant reply to politicians who aren’t scientists but don’t mind ignoring experts who are, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has come up with a simple solution: States whose governors decide there’s no need to plan for the consequences of a changing climate will no longer qualify for federal grants for emergency preparedness. For climate deniers like Louisiana’s Bobby Jindal, Florida’s Rick Scott, or Texas’s Greg Abbott, it’s a pretty clear opportunity for them to put their coastlines and their populations where their mouths are. Governors who refuse to consider climate in their states’ hazard mitigation plans could lose hundreds of millions of dollars in FEMA money. Read more on FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!…
  a florida man you can drink!

Watch Us Get Nekkid In Church and Dunkin Donuts: Your Florida Roundup

Now you drink all the Florida Man you want
See that guy up there? Yr Florida Correspondent has seen bigger. A giant alligator that was recently spotted on a Florida golf course has become a social media star. The huge gator, described as “a dinosaur looking reptile” on the club’s Facebook page, appeared at the Myakka Pines Golf Club in Englewood, Fla. on March 6. … Myakka Pines Golf Club General Manager Mickie Zada told FoxNews.com that the gator was 12 or 13 feet long, and is one of dozens of alligators on the club’s grounds. OK, it is not true that Yr Florida Correspondent has seen bigger. But we have seen more than our share of big-ass alligators wandering waaaaay too close, and we try to avoid ponds and swamps and alligator habitats whenever possible, which is not often possible because we live in a giant swamp buried under concrete and McMansions. Read more on Watch Us Get Nekkid In Church and Dunkin Donuts: Your Florida Roundup…
  fiddling while miami drowns

Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea

Oh HAI impending doom.
Perhaps you’ve heard that, thanks to [redacted] and its associated rising sea levels, Miami is very soon likely going to underwater. Tampa, too. And you would think that, were you the governor of the state that includes those two rather large cities, you might want to do something about it, or at least have your scientists talk about doing something about it. Read more on Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea…
  anything less than grand theft is a felony

Stop, Collaborate and Put Your F*cking Hands Up: Your Florida Roundup

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Welcome back to Florida, the quintessential backdrop for Sharknado III, where it’s weirdly not warm outside — though it ain’t like Ithaca — and we’re all freaking out a little bit because nobody has any winter clothes, thanks Obama. Read more on Stop, Collaborate and Put Your F*cking Hands Up: Your Florida Roundup…
  we never drew first but we drew first blood

Florida Supreme Court To Consider Whether Buttsechs Is Sex: Your (Sexy!) Florida Roundup

Meth is a helluva drug
Greetings, Wonketeers, from the Sunshine State, where it’s presently 70 degrees and there’s nary a cloud in the sky — enjoy your digging out, New England — which almost makes up for us being America’s Yellow Skittle. Almost. Read more on Florida Supreme Court To Consider Whether Buttsechs Is Sex: Your (Sexy!) Florida Roundup…
  florida. man.

Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup

God’s Waiting Room did not disappoint this week, so let’s dive right in! We’ll begin in Florida’s northeast corner, the part that would probably rather be Georgia (and not the good parts of Georgia), where the good sheriff of Duval County has put his finger on what’s really to blame for all these people shooting each other (no, it’s not the freakishly easy access to guns or the endemic poverty and deteriorating safety net, don’t be silly): Read more on Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup…
 

How Dumb Is My State? (Very Dumb): Your Florida Roundup

The face of evil, basically
Florida? Floriduh, am I right? (I am right.) Greeting, Wonketeers, from the Sunshine State, aka everyone’s favorite phallus, aka America’s after-school special, home to Viagra-fueled, syphilitic octogenarians and Midwest transplants and New York Jews and Cuban ex-pats and megachurches and Key West buttsexxxers and hanging chads and gun-toting rednecks and snowbirds and face-eating zombie men and maybe-rapey sportsball stars and failing schools and theme parks and charlatans and beaches and George-motherfucking-Zimmerman, all governed by a twice-elected con artist who looks like this guy and wants to be this guy. Read more on How Dumb Is My State? (Very Dumb): Your Florida Roundup…
  Stripper Recruiters For Strip-Mall Schools

Scammy For-Profit ‘College’ Knew What Students Want: Strippers

Phi Beta Strippa
In today’s “For-Profit Colleges Are Scummy and Bad” news, we bring you the tale of Florida’s “FastTrain” chain of educational institutions, which went out of business in 2012 following raids by the FBI. The company’s CEO and three other executives are now the subject of criminal indictments for conspiracy and theft of government funds through their scammy little quasi-educational enterprise, which at one time operated seven storefront “campuses” in the state. In addition to the usual elements you’d expect in a story like this — bogus training, high fees paid for by federal education programs, and leaving students with worthless certificates and piles of student loans that they’ll never escape, FastTrain also went out of its way to be especially scummy, and we aren’t just talking about the strippers they used to recruit students. Read more on Scammy For-Profit ‘College’ Knew What Students Want: Strippers…
  When did you stop assaulting your wife?

Conservative Nutjob Dennis Prager Sexually Assaults His Wife, So What’s The Big Deal?

Your lips are saying no but he's saying yes
Damn those feminists and their lies about “rape” and “sexual assault” and the “war on women” and other “things” Democrats say just to get people to vote for them. Because we all know that “hey, did you know rape is a thing?” is a winning election strategy, which is why feminists rule the country. Read more on Conservative Nutjob Dennis Prager Sexually Assaults His Wife, So What’s The Big Deal?…
  Lethal Injunction

WonkiFact: Yep, Rick Scott Delayed Execution For Attorney General’s Campaign Schedule

Now *that's* a logo.
During the second, fan-free debate between former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist* and current Gov. Rick Scott (R-Malfoy Manor) Tuesday night, the accusations flew hot and heavy. One of the more notable exchanges involved the question of whether Gov. Voldemort knowingly delayed a prisoner’s execution last year so it wouldn’t conflict with a campaign event being held by his attorney general, Pam Bondi. Read more on WonkiFact: Yep, Rick Scott Delayed Execution For Attorney General’s Campaign Schedule…
  We Are Saying He Is Shit Is What We Are Saying

In Florida Election, The Rick Just Hit The Fan

The moment Rick Scott lost the election
In what any Very Serious Journalist would consider a disqualifying move that requires the Republican Party to abandon the race completely, Florida Gov. Rick Scott refused to debate his Democratic opponent, the former Republican and former governor of Florida Charlie Crist (because of course; it’s Florida!), on Wednesday night. But he had a very good reason. As the debate’s moderator, Eliott Rodriguez, explained to the audience: Read more on In Florida Election, The Rick Just Hit The Fan…