Wonkette

Everyone calm down — Rick Santorum found a job! He’ll be paid a lot of money to “work” for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a group whose name has once again made the Top Ten Most Ironically-Named DC Think Tanks list. The former Pennsylvania Senator will be directing the center’s brand-new “America’s Enemies program.” The program’s mission is to make as many enemies as possible and try to convince people to be terrified of them. MORE »

A Wonkette operative notes that Santorum’s people are filling a dumpster with unwanted books from his Senate offices. What kind of stuff do they like in Rick’s World? Scary books about The Gays, that’s what! These are allegedly actual books being tossed out today: MORE »

Irish pop star “Bono” is sad because the new Democratic leadership had better things to do this month than kiss the fat old ass of an impossibly vain washed-up entertainer. MORE »

* We found an excuse to run this photo again. That’s Rick Santorum’s daughter Sarah Maria crying. Notice that Sarah Maria and her doll are dressed alike. Cool, huh? Sarah Maria taught herself to sew at unicorn internet homeschool.
* Tim Johnson is the Rosebud to our Citizen Kane. He’s recovering, it seems, but no one knows who’ll control the Senate when it reconvenes next month. This “news” has caught everyone by surprise, as the entire town is very thirsty and suffering from halitosis.
* Late Night Shots had a Christmas party at rat-infested shithole The Guards. A Wonkette Operative sent us photos and his/her full report.
* We crashed a billion parties, and helped you do the same. Read our glamorous reports from the CNN and Chamber of Commerce bashes. We’re still waiting to hear about Thursday’s U.S. Holocaust Museum party. Anyone?
* Little Jebby photographed pretending to have a Korbel bottle for a penis and happy memories of childhood. Columba! Arkansas Governor and Presidential Hopeful Mike Huckabee rushed a fraternity, then the frat website disappeared. Vagizzle!
* The only thing old married couples do is go to the movies and Donald Rumsfeld hasn’t taken Joyce Rumsfeld in SIX YEARS. Oh, Joyce. You have a lot to process. Search your heart, his obsession with “The Sound of Music.”
* How is it that the Taliban can resist the siren songs of little boys, but Congress can’t? The House Republican Caucus needs to spend some time in the spanking corner.
* We said Happy Birthday to the Libertarian Party. They turned 35, but friends, don’t they seem younger and less organized every year?
* The crazy liar of the week claimed tofu makes you gay. Wonkette commenter Sharky explains: “I press raw soy curd into a rod about a foot long and 2 inches thick and I forcibly insert it into my rectum.”

Ex-senator and crying-child farmer Rick Santorum has a great new plan: He’s going to start a bank in Pennsylvania — a sperm bank! MORE »

* Bill Frist has found a moonshine still, and ain’t comin’ down from rocky top — reckon he never will. [Political Wire]
* Dehmokratz bad, Tom hate dehmokratz. Tom like cigar, mmm, cigar. [Think Progress]
* Barack Obama makes an announcement everyone knew was coming. [YouTube]
* But he won’t be president until he stops dressing so Ahmadinejadily. [Political Animal]
* You want to see Hillary Clinton do icy-bitch? ‘Cause she can do icy-bitch, oh boy can she do icy-bitch. [Freakonomics]
* World dictators get all the teen-aged ass Mark Foley never did. [Radar]
* In Vietnam — as in politics and the bedroom — Jim Webb is using live ammunition. [The Swamp]
* Meet your new Fox analyst: Rick Santorum. [TVNewser]

* Fox News is looking to fill the long vacant position of “fact writer.” [Mediabistro]
* Silvestre Reyes is smart, just not relevant-to-national-security smart. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
* Congressman Roger Wicker, whose Mississippi upbringing imbued him with a deep love for opacity in government operations, wants congressional staff salaries off the internetz. [Potomac Flacks]
* Rahm Emanuel did not have awareness relations with those Mark Foley mails. [Unclaimed Territory] MORE »

Like Peggy Noonan and several Pennsylvanians, we’re sorry to see Rick Santorum leave the Senate. (He’ll be back in town in a few weeks, as a lobbyist for Jesus, Inc.) Today he delivered his final piece of … oratory, yes, that’s what they call it. Let’s take a quick trip to Fearville, where Rick’s actually killing terrorists in Yemen or something, and Exxon’s directors want to kill us out of pure hate: MORE »

* Have ridiculous political views? Dying for attention? Don’t waste time starting a blog — call C-SPAN and loudly hurl insults at Jimmy Carter. [Think Progress]
* Brooklyn hipsters who spot Barbara Bush out drinking can’t decide between whether to “vomit on” or “hate fuck” her. [Williamsboard]
* Giant pink house conspires with illegal Guatemalans to keep Mitt Romney out of giant White House. [DCeiver]
* Bloggers who post their “enemies list” — including recently elected members of Congress who haven’t had a day on the job yet — need to switch to decaf. [The Blogometer]
* The Corner bloggers’ had the delusional idea that Rick Santorum will replace Bolton. [The Corner]
* Hank Paulson: administration coffin nailer. [Robert Reich]

After Rick “Crying Child” Santorum lost his Senate seat, the Pittsburgh campaign office was shut down and the cubicles were put up for sale on Craigslist. The price? $2,600 for 10 “high quality” cubicles in “good shape.” Seems Santorum’s old cubicles are about as popular as Santorum himself. Today the cubicles are free for the taking. Hey, it’s the end of the month and the landlord wants that crap out!

Free Office Cubicles
I have 10 cubicles in good condition for free to anyone able to come pick them up. These are high quality cubicles in great shape. They have desks, drawers, corkboards and shelves that are integrated with the cubicles. I can probably throw in dssk chairs for free as well.
I’m closing down an office, this is why I’m getting rid of these. I need to get them out asap which is why I’m offering them for free.

Free Office Cubicles [Craigslist]
Earlier: Crying Child Not Included

* Soon-to-be former congressman John “McSmacky” Sweeney proves he’s more of a vindictive, conspiratorial asshole then we gave him credit for. [TPM Muckraker]
* Plan to shame Americans into voting fails as people too lazy to vote are also too lazy to read. [Freakonomics]
* The SCOTUS murder plot: Ann Coulter’s fault, natch. [Above the Law]
* Karl Rove may leave the administration in “weeks, not months.” Tells Democrats, “You won’t have me to kick you around any more.” [Think Progress]
* Cynthia McKinney’s successor is a no punching, pacifist pussy. [Election Central]
* Swing by Constitution Ave. and pick up your $963. [Congress Blog]
* Ted Stevens afraid to buy green bananas, not scared of running for Senate again in 2008. [Wizbang Politics]
* Rick Santorum, however; won’t run in ‘08 - insuring world is safe for buttlove through at least 2012! [Political Wire]

Cubicles for sale outside Pittsburgh, “high quality and in good shape.” It certainly looks like the most boring Craigslist post ever. Until you see the photos…
…and realize that it’s Rick Santorum’s campaign office. MORE »

Yes, here’s another family portrait of Macaca with his football and some people. Does he sleep with that football? All puttin’ on Confederate pajamas, all hanging a stuffed monkey from the little noose in his bedroom ….

We have other awful photos, too. Join us after the jump as we remember Midterms 2006 … In Pictures.

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