Tag: rick santorum

Rick Santorum As Purty IRL As He Is On The Television

Jonah Goldberg is in this bar right now but we haven't decided how to sexxxily start a conversation yet.

Log Cabin Republicans Shocked (Shocked!) At The GOP’s Gay-Hating Platform

Perhaps their log cabins have no windows?

Every Word Of Paul Ryan’s Thoughtful, Sober, Bipartisan New Ad Is A Hilarious Lie

Paul Ryan is making mouth sounds again claiming to be soooo bipartisan, and thoughtful, and not like those other dicks in the Republican party and the House, which he is the head of. Paul Ryan doesn't hate poor people...
Nothin's gonna stop him now... oh, shoot.

Poor Forgotten Jim Gilmore (Who?) Can’t Even Be GOP Convention Delegate, Awwww

You may remember former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore, who was, at least on paper, an actual Republican candidate for president longer than Carly Fiorina, Chris Christie, Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, George Pataki (who?), Lindsay Graham, Bobby Jindal,...

Pope Foot Fetish Can’t Stop Washing Dirty Muslim Feets

It's Holy Week! Easter's coming, the chocolate bunnies are doing fertility to each other's bunny-ginas, the Christs are 'bout to BRB, and Pope Nice-Nice AKA Francis is hunkered over washing up some feet again, like a common Jesus of...
Didn't we just do this?

These Idiots Again, Minus Some Idiots: Your New Hampshire Republican Debate Open Thread!

Hey, just to prove that Democrats aren't the only party to hold debates on a weekend evening when nobody except political junkies and shut-ins -- hahaha, like there is a difference! -- will be watching, there is actually a...
Bye Rick.

Rick Santorum Wants To Bareback Marco Rubio. With Votes.

Oh well, guess Rick Santorum's dreams have died again. Late Wednesday, Santorum surprised exactly no one by declaring that he would no longer be quote unquote "running for president," and that he has decided Marco Rubio is the change...
Take Me To Your Butter Cow

Come Together While Iowa Jams Its Caucus Down Your Throat

It's your Iowa Caucus open thread, Wonkers! After all the prolonged teasing, flirting with billionaires, straining to get a surge in the polls, and lots and lots of sucking, it's time for the voters of Iowa to finally consummate...

Congratulations, Jim Gilmore, Here’s Your One Wonkette Post Ever!

The (supposedly, please dear God we don't ask for much) final Republican undercard debate, between Senator Frothy Mixture, iCarly, and Governor Squirrelpork was as much of a shouty shouty Jesus fest as we've come to expect out of them....
winner winner chicken dicker

Donald Trump Won The Fox News Republican Debate, By Not Showing Up

It's the morning after another fun-filled GOP debate extravaganza sexcitement night, are you still weak in the knees? No, you aren't, because that debate was BORING, mostly because Republican frontrunner Donald J. Trump decided to play hooky because he really...

With Trump Gone, Who Will Megyn Kelly Bleed All Over Now? Your GOP Debate Liveblog

It's the top-tier Republican losers debate, comin' at us from Iowa on Fox "News," and what in the wide world of ethanol and butter cows are we even doing here? Donald Trump is off "benefitting veterans" -- the ones he didn't try...

Liveblogging Second-Tier Crybaby Losers GOP Debate For The Last Time, Thank God

Hooray and woot and praise the lord almighty Herself that this is the last time we have to endure this charade of pretending Jim Gilmore (R-Who? Never Mind) and these other losers are going to be president. Just kidding! There are still many Republican...

Let’s Watch Losers Debate A Man Who’s Not There. Your Republican Debate Preview

Whee, one more Republican debate before Iowa votes, after which somebody will win the Iowa caucuses and nobody will drop out and we'll have a million more debates, even after Hillary Rodham Clinton's two terms as president are over....
Makin' his yucky buttsex face.

Rick Santorum Has Clever Plan To Make All The Brown People Go Away Forever

Rick Santorum is still running for president for some godforsaken reason, probably because his family abortion doctor said a campaign would distract him from his real obsession, which is ass sex. And so Thursday night, during the Undergirdle Debate...

Donald Trump Eats Ted Cruz’s Canadian Bacon: GOP Debate Liveblog

Hey you, wake up! The Republican undercard second-tier losers' debate for extra-loser losers is over and now it's time to watch Donald Trump and the other prime-time losers shout at Fox Business Network for asking mean questions like "Dr. Carson, you...

Carly Fiorina In Three-Way With Mike Huckabee And Rick Santorum … WAIT COME BACK

Gather round, ye wonkers, for the Republican Undercard Cage Match Debate, starring Mean Mike Huckabee, Rick "Santorum" Santorum, and the most terrifyingly vicious fighter of them all, Carly Fiorina, pictured above. Rand Paul, because he is a whiny baby, will...