Tag Archives: rick santorum

  Do You Want to Build A Snow Job?

Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil

Using this picture because NEVER FORGET LOL
Sometimes Yr Wonkette thinks it might be “fun” to actually be located in Our Nation’s Capital, rather than in the wilds of Boise, Idaho, if only because it would then be possible to attend fun events like the Heartland Institute’s “climate conference” being held this week in DC, where Sen. James “If Global Warming Is Real Why Is There Snow?” Inhofe told Pope Francis to keep his mind on poping and to leave climate science to idiots on the payroll of Big Oil. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil…
  She might not even vote for him

Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy

Can't go wrong with the classics
Poor Rick Santorum. He has been trying so hard to get somebody to care about the fact that he is running for president, but nobody does. And in a race to see which GOP candidate can out-wingnut them all, by hating the gays and the ‘bortions and the Messicans THE MOST, Santorum loses, not because his heart isn’t in the right place, but because he comes across as sad and pathetic. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The light’s name is Peggy, and she is Santorum’s one supporter: Read more on Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy…
  The feud continues

Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America

Science experiment.
  Last week we laughed and laughed at Rick Santorum, who really thinks Pope Francis needs to shut right up about climate science, because the pope, despite having studied chemistry, is not a scientist. Why focus on things like that, when there are more important Poping duties out there, like slut-shaming and telling people to stop being gay? But damn godless liberal Pope Francis, he’s putting out an encyclical on climate change, despite Santorum’s advice to the contrary. Read more on Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America…
  At least she didn't ask for the hot beef injection

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Give Us All Your Moneys, Psychic Jesus Needs A Butt Injection

Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly compendium of swindlers, frauds, and con artists, all of them here for YOU, dear readers, with the divine guidance to help you through all the traps and pitfalls that El Diablo can throw your way. Side effects may include lightened wallets, overdraft notices, and some nasty junk in that trunk. So tuck in, pull out your credit cards, and get ready for the best that $3.99 a minute can offer! Let’s get started. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Give Us All Your Moneys, Psychic Jesus Needs A Butt Injection…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  The Clenis Rises Again

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comSo here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar — being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it’s because her unholy whore hole was just askin’ for it, like the Bible says — thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they “handled” Josh’s molestation of his sisters. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really….
  Frothy logic

Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow

The more you know ...
We were surprised last week when, during Rick Santorum’s presidential campaign announcement, he completely forgot to talk about how The Lord Our God hateth the homosexuals, since that is the most important thing in his world. Sure, he sort of touched on “religious freedom,” or his conception of it, but there was no clear “gays are gross” moment. Never fear, though, because he went on the Meet The Press program with beard-haver Chuck Todd, to explain how he will fight back against the Supreme Court, when it (most likely) throat-crams America with gay marriage at the end of this month: Read more on Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow…
  war

Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!

Nope.
Dignified and genteel Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Other Southern White Guys) announced today that he will be seeking to lose the presidential election to Hillary Clinton, and he has two messages for US Americans: 1. He is the toughest, most badassed dude in the race, and all the foreigns are terrified of him; and 2. He is The Moderate Candidate who will bring Americans together, after our eight-year nightmare with the divisive Kenyan Socialist Commie named B. Hussein Obama. Read more on Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!…
  Don't Know Much About A Science Book

Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good

Can't go wrong with the classics
Poor ol’ Rick Santorum is already having a hard time keeping up with the Conservaherd in the Great 2016 Republican Coronation Scramble. Just look at his lame, thoroughly derivative attempt to ignore climate science during a Thursday event in Des Moines, Iowa: Read more on Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good…
  fuckin' A

Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys

All you have to do is look at this picture, and you will immediately lose your urge to bone people.
Just a few weeks ago, we were very excited to hear that the frothy mix of a man known as Rick Santorum was thinking of lubing up and sliding right into the 2016 Republican primaries, so that he could lose again, because his only known skill is losing. (He’s VERY good at it.) And now that day has come! Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for US American President Wednesday in Cabot, Pennsylvania, a state that fired his ass from being senator, by double digits. You are probably wondering what lovely things will be on his campaign platform. Will it be the thing about how you’re not really doing Jesus-approved sex, unless you are barebacking? Will it be about how much he despises Americans, for their erotic freedoms, which are obviously not as important as religious freedom? Will he ban all the abortions, to get revenge on his wife’s hot abortionist ex-lover? It is all of these things and more, we will tell you it now! Read more on Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys…
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Fun-employed
Are we even remotely surprised that the oh-so-holy Family ValuesTM Duggars have been keeping a dirty secret about that time Josh Duggar repeatedly molested his sisters, and his parents knew and did not do a goddamned thing about it, except for (eventually) sending him off to sex rehab to learn about how his slutty sisters sinfully tempted him, so it’s not really his fault anyway? No. No, we are not. Read more on Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  department of gotcha questions

Republican Candidates Agree: The Best Living President Is Ronald Reagan’s Rotting Corpse

It would seem that getting stumped by really simple questions isn’t a problem limited to Jeb Bush being A Idiot. ALL the 2016 Republican candidates are doing it! CNN’s Chris Moody traveled to the South Carolina Freedom Summit, where all the wingnut hopefuls were gathered, and he had one tough gotcha question: “Who’s the best living president?” The hilariously pitiful answer, from all the candidates? NONE OF THEM, KATIE, and also Ronald Reagan’s decomposed bones. No, really, these are their answers: Read more on Republican Candidates Agree: The Best Living President Is Ronald Reagan’s Rotting Corpse…
  no

Did Jeb Bush Personally Film Hardcore Porn Flicks As Florida Governor?

Shield your eyes!
Made you look. But here is an interesting thing that is coming back up, now that Jeb Bush is one of the Republicans likely to lose to Hillary Clinton in 2016. Did you know that, while Bush was governor of Florida, his administration used retirees’ pension money to invest in ALL THE PORN? It’s true, if by “all the porn,” you mean Florida’s State Board Of Administration invested money in a fund that, among other things, included a company called Movie Gallery, which went bankrupt in 2010, but at one time was one of the biggest movie rental companies in the United States. And wouldn’t you know it? Movie Gallery sold some porn, therefore Jeb Bush has COMPLETELY betrayed his social conservative constituents, who have never, ever seen porn in their entire lives, down in the basement, after their wives were in bed: Read more on Did Jeb Bush Personally Film Hardcore Porn Flicks As Florida Governor?…
  He sure stepped into a big puddle of Santorum this time!

Rick Santorum Sorry For Saying Nice Thing About Bruce Jenner, Swears He Didn’t Mean It

Can't go wrong with the classics
Frothy hater of erotic freedom Rick Santorum surprised a lot of people this weekend when he said that Bruce Jenner, who revealed in a widely watched interview with Diane Sawyer that he (that is the pronoun Jenner has requested for now, so preemptively shut up, thanks) is transgender and identifies as a woman, is deserving of human compassion and respect, and that we should take Jenner at his word. Is this the Santorum we know and loathe? Did he fall down and hit his head? What are these compassionate words he is saying??? Read more on Rick Santorum Sorry For Saying Nice Thing About Bruce Jenner, Swears He Didn’t Mean It…