Behold Harriet Miers, far from Dorothy, Rose, and Sofia, yet smirking all the way to the hearing room. She’s in today’s Wonk’d, along with Mark Foley in the role of the sassy friend with all the best zingers and Barney Frank playing the lovable dummy. Make the jump for these golden girls, plus Rick Santorum as the hateable dummy, Jesse Jackson, Jr. as “the black one,” and one very hungry Stephanie Herseth.

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* Conservative anger orgy generates new things to hate at a grueling pace. [The Gaggle]
* Grover Norquist is still belly-dancing and wants his fellow tax-crusaders to do the same. [Think Progress]
* It’s acceptable to tolerate Rick Santorum for however long he’s talking smack about McCain. [The Swamp]
* Sharon Stone is desperate enough to play Valerie Plame in what will surely be the most boring movie of whatever year it gets released. [Variety]
* Where they know Biden best, they like him least. [Political Wire]
* Barry Hussein: advancing left-of-Stalin policies since 2004. [MoJo]
* The many sins of Keith Olbermann will now go unheralded. [Olbermann Watch]
* Just not perky enough Katie, just not perky enough. [On Tap]

This week’s Wonk’d features everyone you love to hate: Tom Delay putting giant brown things in his mouth, Anne Coulter taking some good meat, Lynne Cheney staying safe under a brand new helmet, and Rick Santorum just being the whack otis he usually is. If you’d like a lighter mood for Friday afternoon, you’ll also get Howard Dean’s charming cab habit and Martin Sheen in DC for real and not just in your heart. All these lovely tidbits, plus a sign from God that Ralph Nader should probably hang up his wagging finger of shame.

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* Bill Clinton might have called hookers “just to talk,” but he never inhaled, or finished himself off, or, whatever. [Shenanigans]
* Joe Biden tells a gym full of high school kids about all the countries he can’t wait to start bombing. [PrezVid]
* Bill Kristol does a blawg about how HuffPo commenters hate America because they wish Dick Cheney was dead. Great start, Bill! [Worldwide Standard]
* George Pataki considers whether to waste his time running for president. [Hotline on Call]
* Kos nerds spend most of their time talking about Bush and Lieberman — glad we stopped reading that site two years ago. [MyDD]
* He’s not in office anymore, but we know you still hate him — Rick Santorum goes journo. [TAPPED]
* Bill O’Reilly: “the clown that no one laughs at, they all just wish he’d die.” [ePluribus]

FishbowlDC reports: MORE »

Everyone calm down — Rick Santorum found a job! He’ll be paid a lot of money to “work” for the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a group whose name has once again made the Top Ten Most Ironically-Named DC Think Tanks list. The former Pennsylvania Senator will be directing the center’s brand-new “America’s Enemies program.” The program’s mission is to make as many enemies as possible and try to convince people to be terrified of them. MORE »

A Wonkette operative notes that Santorum’s people are filling a dumpster with unwanted books from his Senate offices. What kind of stuff do they like in Rick’s World? Scary books about The Gays, that’s what! These are allegedly actual books being tossed out today: MORE »

Irish pop star “Bono” is sad because the new Democratic leadership had better things to do this month than kiss the fat old ass of an impossibly vain washed-up entertainer. MORE »

* We found an excuse to run this photo again. That’s Rick Santorum’s daughter Sarah Maria crying. Notice that Sarah Maria and her doll are dressed alike. Cool, huh? Sarah Maria taught herself to sew at unicorn internet homeschool.
* Tim Johnson is the Rosebud to our Citizen Kane. He’s recovering, it seems, but no one knows who’ll control the Senate when it reconvenes next month. This “news” has caught everyone by surprise, as the entire town is very thirsty and suffering from halitosis.
* Late Night Shots had a Christmas party at rat-infested shithole The Guards. A Wonkette Operative sent us photos and his/her full report.
* We crashed a billion parties, and helped you do the same. Read our glamorous reports from the CNN and Chamber of Commerce bashes. We’re still waiting to hear about Thursday’s U.S. Holocaust Museum party. Anyone?
* Little Jebby photographed pretending to have a Korbel bottle for a penis and happy memories of childhood. Columba! Arkansas Governor and Presidential Hopeful Mike Huckabee rushed a fraternity, then the frat website disappeared. Vagizzle!
* The only thing old married couples do is go to the movies and Donald Rumsfeld hasn’t taken Joyce Rumsfeld in SIX YEARS. Oh, Joyce. You have a lot to process. Search your heart, his obsession with “The Sound of Music.”
* How is it that the Taliban can resist the siren songs of little boys, but Congress can’t? The House Republican Caucus needs to spend some time in the spanking corner.
* We said Happy Birthday to the Libertarian Party. They turned 35, but friends, don’t they seem younger and less organized every year?
* The crazy liar of the week claimed tofu makes you gay. Wonkette commenter Sharky explains: “I press raw soy curd into a rod about a foot long and 2 inches thick and I forcibly insert it into my rectum.”

Ex-senator and crying-child farmer Rick Santorum has a great new plan: He’s going to start a bank in Pennsylvania — a sperm bank! MORE »

* Bill Frist has found a moonshine still, and ain’t comin’ down from rocky top — reckon he never will. [Political Wire]
* Dehmokratz bad, Tom hate dehmokratz. Tom like cigar, mmm, cigar. [Think Progress]
* Barack Obama makes an announcement everyone knew was coming. [YouTube]
* But he won’t be president until he stops dressing so Ahmadinejadily. [Political Animal]
* You want to see Hillary Clinton do icy-bitch? ‘Cause she can do icy-bitch, oh boy can she do icy-bitch. [Freakonomics]
* World dictators get all the teen-aged ass Mark Foley never did. [Radar]
* In Vietnam — as in politics and the bedroom — Jim Webb is using live ammunition. [The Swamp]
* Meet your new Fox analyst: Rick Santorum. [TVNewser]