Dimpled fascist Rick Santorum basically committed himself to running for the President of Republicans, in 2012! At least, this is what he told a bunch of Catholic leaders at the Catholic Leadership conference, which was held somewhere over the weekend at some point. Your Wonkette guessed as much was true when back in August Santorum said he was going to be in Iowa in October. Anyway, Santorum famously could not even manage to get elected to a third Senate term back when he was Pennsylvania’s two-term Senator. Considering how big of an obvious failure he is, he is still pretty confident about WINNING THE PRESIDENCY, which is what counts! “Six months ago I would not have spent ten seconds on your question, but it’s not six months ago. I see that, I hate to be calculating, but I see that 2012 is not just throwing somebody out to be eaten, but it’s a real opportunity for success.” [LifeSiteNews (which is somehow not a website for pornography?) via Ben Smith]

Huzzah, Rick Santorum! The former Pennsylvania senator, dog-sex fetishist, Nostradamus of Terror, and reluctant John McCain supporter seems to be plotting a presidential run for 2012, which would be awesome … for America. MORE »

Possibly the most ignorant motherfucker to ever walk the halls of the Senate, Rick Santorum was sent packing in 2006 because, even by Republican standards, he is an outrageously stupid bigot and total human failure. For some reason, he was allowed to give a “speech” at some college in Nebraska, where he gave his usual historically wrong and intellectually vapid comments about the exciting moros y cristianos battle still happening, in his mind. Oh yes, there were laughs to be had! MORE »

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

JOHN MCCAIN, HELLCAT OF LOVE: Did you know that the senator from the sultry state of Arizona has a saucy temper and is “rough in the sandbox”? Now you do! [Washington Post] MORE »

In an interview with Beliefnet, Mike Huckabee says some things that will shock no one:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

After the jump, we try our best to parse this wonky legalese. MORE »

Ex-Senator Rick Santorum is being a real ninny these days in Philadelphia, where tonight he will lecture at two colleges as part of neo-cunt David Horowitz’s infamous “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week.” The talks will be a rare opportunity for Santorum these days to voice those prosaic maxims of moderation for which he is revered. For example, he told the Philadelphia Inquirer today that, “You see academics and Muslim student associations that want to shut down discussion of the fact that the enemy is using Islam as a rallying cry for terrorism.” How’s that for deft public diplomacy vis-a-vis the American Muslim community? Get this voice of reason a regular column in a major city newspaper and we’ll have those browns sucking the Jesus juice in no time.

Oh hey, look at that — the Inquirer IS giving Santorum a regular column! MORE »

The GOP primary’s great white hope, Hollywood Fred Thompson, is either purposefully trying to derail his campaign before Halloween so he can lazily enjoy the winter holidays, or he’s so Reaganesque that he’s going senile before the election. Nothing else could explain his bizarre tone-deaf response to questions about the southern conservative primary voter’s own personal version of the Crucifixion story: the tragic removal of Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube two years ago. MORE »

In civilized countries, crazy people are sent to special crazy-people homes where they receive quality mental-health care. In our nation’s capital, crazy people are employed as “security guards” and provided with loaded handguns.

Local rent-a-cop Donald Cardwell is in custody tonight after he stripped naked and began shooting at the ground and then firing at his co-workers while repeatedly yelling “Al Qaeda!” Clearly, the man was inspired by years of terror jabbering by the likes of Rick Santorum and Dick Cheney. MORE »

This week, you guys saw Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Chelsea Clinton, Tim Kaine, Rick Santorum, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd, Dave Chappelle, and Scooter Libby wandering around DC (and elsewhere). Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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Republican loser Rick Santorum has a message for America: He has inside knowledge of GOP “terror attacks” that will terrify Americans into voting for whatever abortionist Republican candidate survives the primaries. The two-term senator told some terror-crazed talk-radio show that the 2008 campaign will bring certain surprises for those expecting some Democrat to flush the White House of Cheney’s Crooks. MORE »