Tag Archives: rick santorum

  Fire Island Causes Global Warming

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors
Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like “Global Warming” and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. Read more on Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage….
  So. Many. Idiots.

How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage

The spanking, it stung, YAY!
The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently. Read more on How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Why Would A Racist Give *Us* Money?

Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops

Just a racist, his gun, his flag, and his spring planting project
By now you’ve probably read about what’s believed to be Dylann Roof’s idiot manifesto, detailing all his insights into The Blacks and The Jews. It’s the usual loathsome pile of racist crap, but he does at least let us know where he got a lot of his ideas: from the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC), the modern version of what used to be the “White Citizens Councils” of the ’50s and ’60s. And here’s a heck of a thing: Earl Holt, the leader of the racist group, has given buttloads of money to Republican candidates in the last few years, not that they agree with him, oh no no no, he’s despicable. But he has a checkbook. Read more on Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

All the GOP candidates right now basically
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Maybe it's a post-racial hate crime

Dylann Roof Confesses To Murdering 9 To Start Race War, Real Motive Still Unknown

Confederate flag plates just a coincidence
Perhaps now we can stop looking for some way to explain how a young white man murdering nine people in a black church — after telling his victims he was there to kill black people and “you have to go” — was not really about race: Read more on Dylann Roof Confesses To Murdering 9 To Start Race War, Real Motive Still Unknown…
  fuck off

Rick Santorum Worried Gays Won’t Let America Pray For Charleston Shooting Victims

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Rick Santorum joined the chorus of wingnuts commenting Thursday on the senseless murders in Charleston, on the Joe Piscopo radio show, which is apparently a thing. Being Rick Santorum, he started out OK, but then suddenly stepped in a puddle of wingnut shit. Let’s words our way through his comments, to see how it all went so terribly wrong. Read more on Rick Santorum Worried Gays Won’t Let America Pray For Charleston Shooting Victims…
  take the no buttsex pledge today!

Here Are 50,443 Inspiring Americans Who Won’t Let Supreme Court Do Gay Stuff To Their Butts

Poor things.
The time is nigh, when the Supreme Court of the United States of America will likely find that there is a constitutional right to marriage equality, though court watchers don’t predict that they’ll make gay marriage a requirement for all Americans. But you’d think they were about to do that, the way anti-gay Jesus Americans are panicking, by nervously, fearfully pulling out their nipple hairs and issuing proclamations that NO! you cannot force gay marriage right down their throats, they’re gonna spit it out! Read more on Here Are 50,443 Inspiring Americans Who Won’t Let Supreme Court Do Gay Stuff To Their Butts…
  Do You Want to Build A Snow Job?

Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil

The Holy Snowball Of Muskogee
Sometimes Yr Wonkette thinks it might be “fun” to actually be located in Our Nation’s Capital, rather than in the wilds of Boise, Idaho, if only because it would then be possible to attend fun events like the Heartland Institute’s “climate conference” being held this week in DC, where Sen. James “If Global Warming Is Real Why Is There Snow?” Inhofe told Pope Francis to keep his mind on poping and to leave climate science to idiots on the payroll of Big Oil. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil…
  She might not even vote for him

Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Poor Rick Santorum. He has been trying so hard to get somebody to care about the fact that he is running for president, but nobody does. And in a race to see which GOP candidate can out-wingnut them all, by hating the gays and the ‘bortions and the Messicans THE MOST, Santorum loses, not because his heart isn’t in the right place, but because he comes across as sad and pathetic. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The light’s name is Peggy, and she is Santorum’s one supporter: Read more on Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy…
  The feud continues

Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America

Science experiment.
  Last week we laughed and laughed at Rick Santorum, who really thinks Pope Francis needs to shut right up about climate science, because the pope, despite having studied chemistry, is not a scientist. Why focus on things like that, when there are more important Poping duties out there, like slut-shaming and telling people to stop being gay? But damn godless liberal Pope Francis, he’s putting out an encyclical on climate change, despite Santorum’s advice to the contrary. Read more on Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America…
  At least she didn't ask for the hot beef injection

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Give Us All Your Moneys, Psychic Jesus Needs A Butt Injection

Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly compendium of swindlers, frauds, and con artists, all of them here for YOU, dear readers, with the divine guidance to help you through all the traps and pitfalls that El Diablo can throw your way. Side effects may include lightened wallets, overdraft notices, and some nasty junk in that trunk. So tuck in, pull out your credit cards, and get ready for the best that $3.99 a minute can offer! Let’s get started. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Give Us All Your Moneys, Psychic Jesus Needs A Butt Injection…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  The Clenis Rises Again

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comSo here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar — being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it’s because her unholy whore hole was just askin’ for it, like the Bible says — thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they “handled” Josh’s molestation of his sisters. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really….
  Frothy logic

Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow

Portrait of a warrior.
We were surprised last week when, during Rick Santorum’s presidential campaign announcement, he completely forgot to talk about how The Lord Our God hateth the homosexuals, since that is the most important thing in his world. Sure, he sort of touched on “religious freedom,” or his conception of it, but there was no clear “gays are gross” moment. Never fear, though, because he went on the Meet The Press program with beard-haver Chuck Todd, to explain how he will fight back against the Supreme Court, when it (most likely) throat-crams America with gay marriage at the end of this month: Read more on Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow…
  war

Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!

Nope.
Dignified and genteel Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Other Southern White Guys) announced today that he will be seeking to lose the presidential election to Hillary Clinton, and he has two messages for US Americans: 1. He is the toughest, most badassed dude in the race, and all the foreigns are terrified of him; and 2. He is The Moderate Candidate who will bring Americans together, after our eight-year nightmare with the divisive Kenyan Socialist Commie named B. Hussein Obama. Read more on Lindsey Graham Promises To Be Butchest, Scariest President EVER!…
  Don't Know Much About A Science Book

Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Poor ol’ Rick Santorum is already having a hard time keeping up with the Conservaherd in the Great 2016 Republican Coronation Scramble. Just look at his lame, thoroughly derivative attempt to ignore climate science during a Thursday event in Des Moines, Iowa: Read more on Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good…
  fuckin' A

Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys

All you have to do is look at this picture, and you will immediately lose your urge to bone people.
Just a few weeks ago, we were very excited to hear that the frothy mix of a man known as Rick Santorum was thinking of lubing up and sliding right into the 2016 Republican primaries, so that he could lose again, because his only known skill is losing. (He’s VERY good at it.) And now that day has come! Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for US American President Wednesday in Cabot, Pennsylvania, a state that fired his ass from being senator, by double digits. You are probably wondering what lovely things will be on his campaign platform. Will it be the thing about how you’re not really doing Jesus-approved sex, unless you are barebacking? Will it be about how much he despises Americans, for their erotic freedoms, which are obviously not as important as religious freedom? Will he ban all the abortions, to get revenge on his wife’s hot abortionist ex-lover? It is all of these things and more, we will tell you it now! Read more on Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys…
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Was 19 Kids And Counting also the name of Josh Duggar's bucket list?
Are we even remotely surprised that the oh-so-holy Family ValuesTM Duggars have been keeping a dirty secret about that time Josh Duggar repeatedly molested his sisters, and his parents knew and did not do a goddamned thing about it, except for (eventually) sending him off to sex rehab to learn about how his slutty sisters sinfully tempted him, so it’s not really his fault anyway? No. No, we are not. Read more on Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  department of gotcha questions

Republican Candidates Agree: The Best Living President Is Ronald Reagan’s Rotting Corpse

It would seem that getting stumped by really simple questions isn’t a problem limited to Jeb Bush being A Idiot. ALL the 2016 Republican candidates are doing it! CNN’s Chris Moody traveled to the South Carolina Freedom Summit, where all the wingnut hopefuls were gathered, and he had one tough gotcha question: “Who’s the best living president?” The hilariously pitiful answer, from all the candidates? NONE OF THEM, KATIE, and also Ronald Reagan’s decomposed bones. No, really, these are their answers: Read more on Republican Candidates Agree: The Best Living President Is Ronald Reagan’s Rotting Corpse…