Wonkette

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

JOHN MCCAIN, HELLCAT OF LOVE: Did you know that the senator from the sultry state of Arizona has a saucy temper and is “rough in the sandbox”? Now you do! [Washington Post] MORE »

In an interview with Beliefnet, Mike Huckabee says some things that will shock no one:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

After the jump, we try our best to parse this wonky legalese. MORE »

Ex-Senator Rick Santorum is being a real ninny these days in Philadelphia, where tonight he will lecture at two colleges as part of neo-cunt David Horowitz’s infamous “Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week.” The talks will be a rare opportunity for Santorum these days to voice those prosaic maxims of moderation for which he is revered. For example, he told the Philadelphia Inquirer today that, “You see academics and Muslim student associations that want to shut down discussion of the fact that the enemy is using Islam as a rallying cry for terrorism.” How’s that for deft public diplomacy vis-a-vis the American Muslim community? Get this voice of reason a regular column in a major city newspaper and we’ll have those browns sucking the Jesus juice in no time.

Oh hey, look at that — the Inquirer IS giving Santorum a regular column! MORE »

The GOP primary’s great white hope, Hollywood Fred Thompson, is either purposefully trying to derail his campaign before Halloween so he can lazily enjoy the winter holidays, or he’s so Reaganesque that he’s going senile before the election. Nothing else could explain his bizarre tone-deaf response to questions about the southern conservative primary voter’s own personal version of the Crucifixion story: the tragic removal of Terry Schiavo’s feeding tube two years ago. MORE »

In civilized countries, crazy people are sent to special crazy-people homes where they receive quality mental-health care. In our nation’s capital, crazy people are employed as “security guards” and provided with loaded handguns.

Local rent-a-cop Donald Cardwell is in custody tonight after he stripped naked and began shooting at the ground and then firing at his co-workers while repeatedly yelling “Al Qaeda!” Clearly, the man was inspired by years of terror jabbering by the likes of Rick Santorum and Dick Cheney. MORE »

This week, you guys saw Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Chelsea Clinton, Tim Kaine, Rick Santorum, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd, Dave Chappelle, and Scooter Libby wandering around DC (and elsewhere). Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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Republican loser Rick Santorum has a message for America: He has inside knowledge of GOP “terror attacks” that will terrify Americans into voting for whatever abortionist Republican candidate survives the primaries. The two-term senator told some terror-crazed talk-radio show that the 2008 campaign will bring certain surprises for those expecting some Democrat to flush the White House of Cheney’s Crooks. MORE »

Behold Harriet Miers, far from Dorothy, Rose, and Sofia, yet smirking all the way to the hearing room. She’s in today’s Wonk’d, along with Mark Foley in the role of the sassy friend with all the best zingers and Barney Frank playing the lovable dummy. Make the jump for these golden girls, plus Rick Santorum as the hateable dummy, Jesse Jackson, Jr. as “the black one,” and one very hungry Stephanie Herseth.

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* Conservative anger orgy generates new things to hate at a grueling pace. [The Gaggle]
* Grover Norquist is still belly-dancing and wants his fellow tax-crusaders to do the same. [Think Progress]
* It’s acceptable to tolerate Rick Santorum for however long he’s talking smack about McCain. [The Swamp]
* Sharon Stone is desperate enough to play Valerie Plame in what will surely be the most boring movie of whatever year it gets released. [Variety]
* Where they know Biden best, they like him least. [Political Wire]
* Barry Hussein: advancing left-of-Stalin policies since 2004. [MoJo]
* The many sins of Keith Olbermann will now go unheralded. [Olbermann Watch]
* Just not perky enough Katie, just not perky enough. [On Tap]

This week’s Wonk’d features everyone you love to hate: Tom Delay putting giant brown things in his mouth, Anne Coulter taking some good meat, Lynne Cheney staying safe under a brand new helmet, and Rick Santorum just being the whack otis he usually is. If you’d like a lighter mood for Friday afternoon, you’ll also get Howard Dean’s charming cab habit and Martin Sheen in DC for real and not just in your heart. All these lovely tidbits, plus a sign from God that Ralph Nader should probably hang up his wagging finger of shame.

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