rick santorum
After a man went on television for a very low-profile announcement that he is now back to feeling about gay marriage the way he felt in the fun 90s, the world erupted in praise … and backhanded praise and faint praise and no praise AT ALL! You are surprised, we know. Jim Daly, the boss [...]
Oh, man, when you get a 16-paragraph email from someone at 11 pm you know that only good things are in it, right? Generally these things are some variation of “I DON’T NEED YOU, WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME, YOU NEVER LOVED ME.” But Rick Santorum is made of tougher stuff than that, in that [...]
Man you guys, all the former GOP presidential candidates, like Herb Cain and Newt Gingrich and Ol’ Smegma Lips over there, are having such a hard time dealing with the cold FACT that they are losers, who lost, because people like them even less than they like Mitt Romney! Herb Cain is trying to keep [...]
Keith Olbermann’s favorite political television program hoster ever, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks on Current TV, has put together a touching video tribute to the man who made this GOP primary season bearable for so very many of us. What would we have had without his spitting, his sneering, his whining and pouting, [...]
It is now a 2 person race. Donate now at newt.org/donate for the last conservative standing. #tcot #withNewt — Newt Gingrich (@newtgingrich) April 10, 2012 A statement from the Newt Gingrich presidential campaign, maybe: While Rick Santorum waited, fundamentally, much too long to exit this race for the nomination, we at the Newt Gingrich campaign [...]
The presidential campaign of hated former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum climaxed prematurely, and he could not pull out the win. For what Cabinet position will Republican nominee by default Mitt Romney tap him?
Do you hear that? That is the sound of weeping — really, that phlegmy, breathless, hacking snot-snarfling SOBBING — throughout the land as political humorists realize the little spitty, sneery, smegmatic Torquemadita has bowed to something called “reality.” And now he is not quitting, per se (because that way you can no longer spend your [...]
Exciting anonymously-sourced rumors have it that lunatic prince Rick Santorum’s staffers are beginning to wander out from the confines of his inmate-ruled insane asylum! Consider this your safety advisory: “One top Republican strategist said he’d seen a surge of postings on Republican job boards from Santorum staffers, and two mid-level staffers told The Hill that [...]
That’s right fuckers, we said whom. Also, it was a trick question, because sneery pouty whiny smegma-lipped box o’ outrage Rick Santorum has already blamed his loss in DC on the fact that DC won’t vote for an out-of-the-box insurgent kinda guy like him. But who is really to blame for Rick Santorum’s loss in [...]
It is an excellent question, the one we have just posed right there in the headline. Is Rick Santorum a gutter drunk? Buzzfeed investigates, and seems to have photographic proof that yes, Rick Santorum is a gutter drunk. Here is a Twitter showing him drinking beer at 11:30 a.m. because if he doesn’t, he will [...]
This week in Wisconsin, dead horse of the presidential race Rick Santorum decided to tell a crowd that the problem with higher education, once again, is that it is too high. Too curious. Too too. This must be stopped, with more lessons about how America is the best, or was, for a few years (all [...]
It is now a fact of wiener face Rick Santorum’s life that every time he chews up his tongue during a speech and a few errant syllables sneak out, people will assume he was trying to stop himself from saying something racist mid-way through a word. This is Rick Santorum’s punishment from Jesus, for vanity, [...]
