rick santorum
GOP: Downward Facing Dog Invites Satan To ‘Invade Your Empty Vacuum’
After a stressful day of working (or hanging out in a workplace man cave), many Americans unwittingly risk handing their immortal souls over to Beelzebub through smoking weed premarital sex witchcraft yoga. Satan is apparently incarnated in that cute yoga instructor, tempting you to deny the One True God for that sweet sweet release found [...]
Austerity Declared Winner In Washington State Bridge Collapse
Gee, I wonder what will happen if we build roads and bridges, then completely ignore them for decades and drastically cut funding everywhere in order to suck the knob of the right wing’s newest golden calf, austerity? Surely nothing bad will happen ever, because debt and deficit are lurking in the corner, threatening to molest [...]
No Buttsechs For Gay Messicans After All
Recently, there has been lots of Nice Time! for our LGBT sisters and brothers. But hey, this kind of momentum can’t go on forever, and who better to put a stop to it than the House GOP Senate GOP Democratic Senators from red blue states. Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding? Our latest group of [...]
Here Is Rick Santorum Spreading Leadership To High Schoolers In Totally Non-Political Way
So remember that dumb thing about Rick Santorum speaking/not speaking to some high school students about “leadership?” Well, he did speak Wednesday at Grosse Pointe South High School and got paid $18,000 for it. That means Santorum made in two hours 38% of the median annual salary of South teachers. And that’s a lesson, kids. [...]
If Rick Santorum Can’t Gay-Bash At Our Children, It Is Just Like Hitler
So there’s this lady named Janet Mefferd, who seems really nice, and she has a radio show that “takes a distinctively Christ-centered look at the news and events of the day.” That sounds harmless, right? She probably focuses on how the poors get screwed and we should be nicer to whores and not throw stones [...]
Adult Babies Rick Santorum And Newt Gingrich Almost Joined Forces To Beat Romney But Decided To Throw Tantrums Instead
Oh, Pope Rick Santorum and pumpkin-headed hyena Newt Gingrich almost formed a Unity Ticket to beat eventual nominee and member of the House of Lords Mittens of Romney? But they couldn’t because talks broke down when neither of them would accept the veep spot because both of them had to be president? Well color us [...]
Jennifer Granholm Just Not Used To All The Stupid Things Rick Santorum Says
Why does Rick Santorum keep getting asked on the yap shows? He does not hold an elected office, has not held an elected office since 2007, and does not have anything remotely redeeming to say about much of anything, and yet, he is still treated as though he is Important and Serious and worth listening [...]
Chuck Hagel Loves Terrorism Like Al Jazeera Loves Beheading People
Rick Santorum has some thoughts you guys, and apparently they are so important he cannot even save them for his “exclusive” gig at WND, columnizing alongside folks who think the Supreme Court Chief Justice should be impeached for swearing in whats-his-name, the black guy. Here are Rick Santorum’s babies of his brain: Obama’s nominee for [...]
You Got Your Government In My God: The Year In Churchstate
Congratulations, U.S. America and such as! You have survived yet another calendar year without the establishment of a theocracy or the utter banishment of religious faith! It was a year in which the most momentous SCOTUS decision on church and state was a fairly narrow (and stupid) ruling that allows churches to ignore fair employment [...]
Rick Santorum Will Fit In Fine At WND: Barack Obama Is Trying To Murder My Baby
Hello, neighbor, have you heard the Good News? Smegma-spittled Rick Santorum has taken an exclusive writing gig with WND, the estimable journal of conservative thought that advocates executing journalists to protect the First Amendment. And in his very first column, Herr Doktor Santorum shows us the exact line one must travel to get from “crazy [...]
Rick Santorum Joins John Rocker, Chuck Norris, Other Eminences, At Respectable Journal Of Conservative Thought ‘WND’
Rick Santorum wiped the smegma from the corner of his lips. (He didn’t get it all though, the crusty dried part was still there, but it would flake off eventually.) What was he going to do with himself, now that he, like Mitt Romney, was a sad loser whom nobody wanted around? Even his wife, [...]
Rick Santorum Will Gladly Compromise With Democrats To Ruin Social Security For You
Oh finally, Rick Santorum has written a column on the Hill, weighing in on the election and What It Means! And What It Means is that the GOP will FINALLY, after all this time, cooperate with President Obama on cutting Social Security and privatizing Medicare. So the fact that Americans went to the polls and [...]
Rick Santorum Doesn’t Care If You Murder Your Tiny Little Unborn Baby
Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum has declared what side he is on, and it is the side of murdering tiny little babies in their mommy’s stomachs. What? you are saying, because you have been paying some attention over the years as Rick Santorum has declared himself God’s handmaiden and apostle (both!) in the fight to make [...]
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