Tag Archives: rick santelli

  the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit

Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire

Happy sixth birthday to the Tea Party! Okay we’re a little late here, as the big day was in the middle of last week. We have just been so busy writing about all the insane horseshit you teabaggers have unleashed on our politics that we forgot to stop for a minute and appreciate the six years of joy you have brought us, with your whining and hollering and dressing up in leftover costumes from our first-grade play about the Founding Fathers. Read more on Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire…
  my brain hurts a lot

The Tea Party Is Five Years Old Today, And Finally Acting Its Age

Five years ago today, Rick Santelli went on your teevee and said “We’re thinking of having a tea party” to protest (ostensibly) the Homeowners Affordability and Stability Plan, which was something that helped people keep their houses, even if these dumb homeowners were personally irresponsible and got fired because the economy shed however many million jobs in 2008-9, the nerve of some people, being affected by massive economic shocks! Said Santelli: Why don’t you put up a website to have people vote on the Internet as a referendum to see if we really want to subsidize the losers’ mortgages, or would we like to at least buy cars and buy houses in foreclosure and give them to people that might have a chance to actually prosper down the road and reward people that could carry the water instead of drink the water.” We would never insinuate that Rick Santelli was trying to move policy away from trying to stop foreclosures, in order to help his friends in the big investment banks get into the business of buying cheap rental houses and securitizing the rent payments, just as they’ve been doing for some time now, but we just did. Whoops! Read more on The Tea Party Is Five Years Old Today, And Finally Acting Its Age…
  funny vp watch

Rick Santelli Must Be Declared Vice President Right Now

We have been suggesting it for years: Palin/Santelli ’12. Santelli/Shimkus ’12. Becton/Santelli ’12. Newt/Santelli ’12. Sanford/Santelli ’12. Cornyn/Santelli ’12. “Jessie”/Santelli ’36. Mitterand/Santelli ’12. Eastman/Santelli ’12. Cheney/Santelli ’12. MAIL MAN/Santelli ’12. Jim Ready/Sanelli ’12. This is just a small sample of our recommendations. But now it is time to act. CNBC ranter jackass Rick Santelli, the man who launched the Tea Party by complaining about a modest mortgage modification plan for “losers” that the Obama administration was starting (and never really did much with), must become Mitt Romney’s Vice President for eternity. Read more on Rick Santelli Must Be Declared Vice President Right Now…
  the evil dead

Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!

We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those “free Medicare scooter” ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand’s 107th birthday. She doesn’t look a day over 106 … objectively. Objectively-ist. Anyway, we hope she’s enjoying being tortured for Eternity in Hell, for not believing in Jesus and denying His one command for all humanity: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must Love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Anyway, how are Ayn Rand’s terrible followers celebrating the day a kind woman selflessly gave birth to a child and then cared for it, instead of feeding Baby Ayn to the cat? Read more on Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!…
  ...and that's something i don't wanna catch

Senate Under Anthrax Attack Again! But The Anthrax Is Tea!

Ever since America’s most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama’s $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies’ tea parties and also sucking each others’ balls. They are doing this because of socialism, the cartoon movie The Watch Men, and the blacks — Congress, essentially. And as part of this ball-sucking guerilla war they now appear to be issuing “threats” by mailing certain substances in suspicious envelopes to the Senate. They freak out mail room employees and security guards for a few seconds until they realize that the substance is just tea — tea in the form of tea bags — probably mixed up with a few pubic hairs, for show. Read more on Senate Under Anthrax Attack Again! But The Anthrax Is Tea!…
  losers

Rick Santelli Is Very Upset That People Care About AIG Derivatives Unit Bonuses

All it took was for the National Outrage to direct itself at derivatives traders at the World’s Worst Company receiving bonuses, and now Rick Santelli is finally saying: Whoa… hey… let’s cool it down, right? Besides, this outrage over $165 million doesn’t exist in a vacuum. People want government policy towards AIG (“give them the night key to the U.S. Mint”) completely changed now that the very worst individuals in the company are being directly rewarded. The fact that those contracts have to be honored under the present arrangement says quite a bit. [YouTube] Read more on Rick Santelli Is Very Upset That People Care About AIG Derivatives Unit Bonuses…
  ron paul revolution or something

Historic Washington Teabagging Party: There Were Poop Hats

Today at High Noon, the disciples of CNBC teevee ranter Rick Santelli held teabagging parties around the country. Apparently they did not pick up on the nonchalance in Santelli’s voice when he said, “we’re going to hold a… like a tea party or something because of this Obama, ha ha, weird.” Well, the biggest of these parties was in Washington, by the White House, and like 20 people took cabs from CPAC to stand around in poop hats and complain about fiat currency for a few minutes while Michelle Malkin filmed them in various pornographic poses. Major thank yous to poop operatives “Jamie” and “Ethan” for sending most of the photos below, as well as to intrepid D.C. blog reporter Dave Weigel, some of whose photos we have stolen. Read more on Historic Washington Teabagging Party: There Were Poop Hats…
  citizen protests

Hot Sexy New American Tea Party Meets Tomorrow!

Apparently there is a new political party organized around the insane rantings of the Prophet Rick Santelli, a non-bald Chicago floor-trading version of Joe the Plumber. The New American Tea Party may fill in the civic vacuum created by the collapse of the Paultard movement, as it combines a concern with fiscal responsibility, Liberty, and earnestly organizing demonstrations in DC. Are you free tomorrow around noon? Read more on Hot Sexy New American Tea Party Meets Tomorrow!…
  palin-santelli 2012 watch

Robert Gibbs Eviscerates That Working-Class Hero, The CNBC Derivatives Trader Guy

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs has had the tendency, early on, to embarrass himself during press conferences by turning snippy as a defense. But this comment about Kathryn Jean Lopez’s pretend boyfriend and preferred vice presidential candidate, Rick Santelli — a rich ex-financial rich guy who now (rather brilliantly, we admit) manages to win over unemployed, poor white people with rants on the Wall Street tips ‘n’ cheats teevee channel about how he and his money friends who ruined the economy WILL NOT ALLOW $75 billion in government money to go towards resuscitating millions of salvageable mortgages that are currently impossible to price and spreading death everywhere — is somewhat perfect. Wry, mocking, and even somewhat informative! [Huffington Post] Read more on Robert Gibbs Eviscerates That Working-Class Hero, The CNBC Derivatives Trader Guy…
  the best hope for our country

Hey, Future People: K-Lo Called It First

This graphic comes from National Review Online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez, and we think she’s in loooooooooove! “I’m noticing the tone. I’m seeing the enthusiasm. And I’m digging out from the sheer volume of e-mails I’ve been getting today about that CNBC dude. The reaction to Rick Santelli’s Chicago-trading-floor incident this morning echoes the emotional reaction my inbox had to Sarah Palin’s convention speech this summer.” PRRRRR, KITTY. It was definitely when Santelli called poor people “losers” that K-Lo knew she had a new man in her life. Move over, Mitt Romney! [The Corner] Read more on Hey, Future People: K-Lo Called It First…
  dinguses

Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?

Here’s one of the more unlikable people we’ve heard of for the first time today, CNBC’s Rick Santelli, at some trading floor in Chicago, going *apeshit* over Barack Obama’s $75 billion mortgage plan to keep “the losers” in their homes. Maybe Obama’s plan isn’t so great, who knows, but one thing is clear, and that’s that Rick Santelli hates poor people — and by poor people we mean the bottom 50-90% of per capita income earners. How else would you explain the fact that he and his trader friends are *just now* starting to worry about Moral Hazard? [Calculated Risk] Read more on Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?…