Tag: rick santelli

Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Beated Up Whoopi Goldberg And ISIS, Will Be Toughest President

Rick Santorum, whose polling throughout the primary season hasn't risen higher than Rick Santorum's dick when he discovers sexts from his wife's hot abortion doctor ex-boyfriend, has sent out a fundraising email. No, we do not know how the Washington...
Liberal Icons Everywhere

Let’s Meet The Dirty Cabal Of ‘Liberals’ Who Control The ‘Liberal Media’

Did you guys watch CNBC's shitty GOP Debate? True to their "First In Business" tagline, those free market champs gouged America with pay access for the privilege of watching a gaggle of hacks complain about any question that wasn't,...

Why Republicans And CNBC Can F*ck Themselves Right In the Free Market

On Wednesday, Americans watched the third Republican presidential debate. Well, some Americans, anyway. The ones who could afford it. Because, in case you needed reminding, freedom isn't free. And neither was access to a debate among contenders to be the next leader of...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Master Debater Ted Cruz Brilliantly Recites Pre-Written Tantrum

Ted Cruz, the Ivy League-educated Great Debater, has to be feeling pretty chuffed about his big "I paid for this microphone!" moment during Wednesday's terrible CNBC debate, which everyone except Jim Cramer agrees sucked, though why it sucked is...

Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire

Happy sixth birthday to the Tea Party! Okay we’re a little late here, as the big day was in the middle of last week. We have just been so busy writing about all the insane horseshit you teabaggers have...

The Tea Party Is Five Years Old Today, And Finally Acting Its Age

Five years ago today, Rick Santelli went on your teevee and said "We're thinking of having a tea party" to protest (ostensibly) the Homeowners Affordability and Stability Plan, which was something that helped people keep their houses, even if...

Watch Tea Party Godfather Rick Santelli Blubber About the Jobs Report Conspiracy

In the interest of Journalism, CNBC had a roundtable of experts weigh in on the jobs report, hosted by CNBC’s senior economics reporter Steve Liesman, who heroically tried to bring a measure of logic and informed analysis to the...

Rick Santelli Must Be Declared Vice President Right Now

We have been suggesting it for years: Palin/Santelli '12. Santelli/Shimkus '12. Becton/Santelli '12. Newt/Santelli '12. Sanford/Santelli '12. Cornyn/Santelli '12. "Jessie"/Santelli '36. Mitterand/Santelli '12. Eastman/Santelli '12. Cheney/Santelli '12. MAIL MAN/Santelli '12. Jim Ready/Sanelli '12. This is just a small sample...

Happy 107th Birthday, Zombie Ayn Rand!

We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those "free Medicare scooter" ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand's 107th birthday. She doesn't look a day over 106 ... objectively....

Senate Under Anthrax Attack Again! But The Anthrax Is Tea!

Ever since America's most recent 9/11, when an ex-derivatives trader ranted on the cable news money channel about Obama's $75 billion plan to subsidize salvageable mortgages, certain Real Americans have developed this masturbatory obsession with tea bags and ladies'...

Rick Santelli Is Very Upset That People Care About AIG Derivatives Unit Bonuses

All it took was for the National Outrage to direct itself at derivatives traders at the World's Worst Company receiving bonuses, and now Rick Santelli is finally saying: Whoa... hey... let's cool it down, right? Besides, this outrage over...

Historic Washington Teabagging Party: There Were Poop Hats

Today at High Noon, the disciples of CNBC teevee ranter Rick Santelli held teabagging parties around the country. Apparently they did not pick up on the nonchalance in Santelli's voice when he said, "we're going to hold a... like...

Hot Sexy New American Tea Party Meets Tomorrow!

Apparently there is a new political party organized around the insane rantings of the Prophet Rick Santelli, a non-bald Chicago floor-trading version of Joe the Plumber. The New American Tea Party may fill in the civic vacuum created by...

Robert Gibbs Eviscerates That Working-Class Hero, The CNBC Derivatives Trader Guy

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs has had the tendency, early on, to embarrass himself during press conferences by turning snippy as a defense. But this comment about Kathryn Jean Lopez's pretend boyfriend and preferred vice presidential candidate, Rick...

Hey, Future People: K-Lo Called It First

This graphic comes from National Review Online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez, and we think she's in loooooooooove! "I’m noticing the tone. I'm seeing the enthusiasm. And I'm digging out from the sheer volume of e-mails I've been getting today...

Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?

Here's one of the more unlikable people we've heard of for the first time today, CNBC's Rick Santelli, at some trading floor in Chicago, going *apeshit* over Barack Obama's $75 billion mortgage plan to keep "the losers" in their...