Tag Archives: rick perry

  U go gurl

Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY

Macho macho man
Remember yesterday, when Donald Trump decided to do the weirdest campaign speech in the history of weird campaign speeches, by talking about how Lindsey Graham is even stupider than dumb Rick Perry, which is saying a lot, and regaled the crowd with a story about how Graham begged him one time to give him money and say nice things about him on the “Fox & Friends” program? And then he gave out Graham’s cell phone number and told everybody to prank call it? Of course you remember, it was yesterday! Later in the day, Graham tweeted that he was probably going to have to get a new phone and we were like LOL does he not understand how phone numbers work? Read more on Donald Trump Would Agree Lindsey Graham Smashing His Phone To Sounds Of Vivaldi Is CLASSY…
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn’t have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE wall around the traitor states and posted signs everywhere that said “Camp Moron.” Speaking to voters in Lindsey Graham’s South Carolina, Trump thought it would be a good idea to say all kinds of bad words about Sen. Graham, and then give out his personal cell phone number, in case anybody in the audience was looking for a good sexxxy time with the Senator or something. Trump was mad because Graham called him a “jackass,” which is just mean. Read more on Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall…
  I know you is but what are I?

Stupid Donald Trump Says Rick Perry Is The Real Stupid

You're both a idiot
Don’t you just love the smell of stupids catfighting in the morning? Here is Gov. Rick Perry, trying to bitch-slap the guy who is currently kicking his ass so hard, Perry might not even scrape his way into the first Republican primary debate of “real” contenders (hahahahahahahaha, REAL CONTENDERS): Read more on Stupid Donald Trump Says Rick Perry Is The Real Stupid…
  So. Many. Idiots.

How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage

The spanking, it stung, YAY!
The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently. Read more on How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  At least until he's "elected president" LOL

Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare

Spit it out to make room for your foot, Rick Perry, or a dildo, whatever.
Former Texas governor and current “presidential candidate” Rick Perry is talking out of both sides of his butthole (each side featuring perfectly coiffed hair) when it comes to Obamacare. He’s agin’ it, of course, and it needs to be repealed. But he also doesn’t want people to lose their health insurance, if the Supreme Court rules, in King v. Burwell, that because of six little words and a technicality, the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act, which provide millions with health insurance, are unconstitutional. Wonder why he doesn’t want folks to lose their insurance, HUH. Maybe because if millions of people suddenly lose their coverage, they’ll blame it on Republicans, and people like Perry will REALLY never be president. Read more on Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare…
  Maybe the GOP could get a second opinion?

RINO Ben Carson Nukes Own Chances At GOP Nomination, Declares Racism Not Over

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Uh oh. Is Dr. Ben Carson, beloved hero to right-wingers who love when a black man assures them it’s OK to hate President Barack Blackity-Black Obama, and Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery, about to be escorted from the party? In an op-ed in USA Today, Carson violates the first — and second and third and eleventeenth — rule of being a black conservative, by declaring that racism is not dead after all: Read more on RINO Ben Carson Nukes Own Chances At GOP Nomination, Declares Racism Not Over…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

Time to put that sucker out
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

They call themselves His People. Weird.
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…
  Waiting For The Sky's Water To Break

California Lady Lawmaker Knows What Causes Droughts, And It Is Abortion

This 'sand'? It's all POWDERED FETUSES!
Though they may never accept evolution, let it never be said that rightwingers never let their thinking on critical issues evolve. Take, for instance (please!) California Assemblywoman Shannon Grove, who used to believe California’s drought was caused by environmentalists giving all the state’s water to fish, but who now has come up with a far more plausible explanation for why it hasn’t rained: God is angry with California because of legal abortion. How she knows that it’s abortion and not The Gays we don’t know, but she’s got her ways of knowing things. Read more on California Lady Lawmaker Knows What Causes Droughts, And It Is Abortion…
  You'll have nothing and who cares if you like it?

Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All

You didn't want those clinics, did you?
Good thing Texas-Americans of the lady persuasion are accustomed by now to courts opening and closing their abortion clinics, so they won’t be shocked when most of their clinics are shut down again. In the epic, years-long legal battle to decide whether and how and when abortion providers may provide abortions in Texas, a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals issued an opinion Tuesday saying, basically, “How about never? Is never good for you? TOO BAD!” Read more on Fifth Circuit Protects Texas Ladies From ‘Unsafe’ Abortions By Letting Them Have None At All…
  He Is So S-M-R-T

Rick Perry’s Campaign Won’t Be About ‘Lofty Rhetoric,’ Not That We Were Worried

Smart man glasses and a bit of lens flare!
Rick Perry is finally ready for the Big Announcement: He’s a completely different guy from the doofy stumblebum who in 2012 couldn’t remember which three big government agencies he’d eliminate, and now he’s got his smart-boy glasses on, so he is totally ready to be President of the Republic of Texamerica. Read more on Rick Perry’s Campaign Won’t Be About ‘Lofty Rhetoric,’ Not That We Were Worried…
  Perry/God 2016!

Glenn Beck Says Texas Flooded Because Rick Perry Is Just Too Darned Good At Prayin’

For a limited time only, we’re going to agree with Glenn Beck, on a thing, and yes, we promise to never do it again. See, during a recent episode of the “show” he “broadcasts” on the interweb, from some basement somewhere, Beck and his buddies — whom we assume he met at broken-brain rehab — said it’s indicted former Gov. Rick Perry’s fault that Texas is all covered up with water, and more than two dozen people have died, with several more still missing. And you know what? We’re OK with blaming all that death and destruction on Rick Perry, because fuck that guy right in his yee haw.   Read more on Glenn Beck Says Texas Flooded Because Rick Perry Is Just Too Darned Good At Prayin’…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  Trust no 1

Shhhh, Texas, Everything Will Be Fine When Rick Perry Is President

Sometimes he likes to imagine being president
Have you noticed how perfectly reasonable people who used to wave flags and heart America and scream things like “LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT, TRAITOR!” have suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, become suspicious of their government, just because the president is black and not-so-secretly wants to destroy us with terrorism and subsidized healthcare? Read more on Shhhh, Texas, Everything Will Be Fine When Rick Perry Is President…