Hey college students! Want to shoot your friends? Transfer to one of Texas’ many fine public universities! MAYBE, soon, once this diddly gets passed on to the Texas House and the secessionist state president Rick Perry: “AUSTIN — A bill to allow college students and employees to carry their concealed handguns on campus won final passage today on a 19-12 vote in the Senate.” Damn right it did, and if there’s anyone to thank, it’s that mentally disturbed Virginia Tech kid who shot up his school a couple of years ago, with guns, on campus. MORE »

Ha ha, Texas. Once this state secedes, where will the rest of America turn for laffs? (Answer: Oklahoma.) A senior strategist for Governor Rick Perry likened a more inclusive national Republican Party to a “whorehouse,” and all the GOP ladies in Texas just went nuts. MORE »

The Daily Paul has WON THE AFTERNOON with this post, from yesterday, about how Donald Rumsfeld tried to make the 1976 Swine Flu an issue — INVENTED IT? — to win his boss, Gerald Ford, the presidency. MORE »

Hey didn’t you secede or something? “AUSTIN — Gov. Rick Perry today in a precautionary measure requested the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) provide 37,430 courses of antiviral medications from the Strategic National Stockpile to Texas to prevent the spread of swine flu. Currently, three cases of swine flu have been confirmed in Texas.” [San Marcos Record]

Fine, Austin is “okay.” And lightly populated West Texas is very nice, what with Big Bend National Park and the Mexican town of El Paso and whatever, as it’s really part of the Southwest. But Texas, that dipshit dismal swamp between, oh, Dallas and Corpus Christi, where the vast majority of the Texans live? It’s just the fucking South. A dumb, toxic shithole that produces little more than incredible assholes, many of whom then insist on taking part in American life. The last “good” Texan in politics was LBJ, and he was a goddamned monster. So, here is the new commercial. Good-bye, Texas! Thanks for all the laffs. (You can take the rest of the South with you.) [YouTube via Wonkette Operative "TGM."]

Despite Governor Rick Perry’s tuff talk, it appears that most Texans are inclined to remain United States citizens. Boo! A Rasmussen survey shows that a mere 18 percent of residents are willing to throw off the shackles of federal tax slavery and go it alone as a moderately sized First World nation sandwiched between the prosperous US and the feudal anarchist drug-state of Mexico. Oh well. [Rasmussen Reports]

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is such a badass, right, and he doesn’t like it when those incompetent fucktards in Washington start fucking around with his Texas fucking budget. Ever heard of the 10th Amendment, about how states are responsible for powers not granted to the federal government? Well go suck a dick, Obama, cause Rick Perry went out of his way today to support a non-binding House resolution that fucking says right there, right there on the first page, that the 10th Amendment is… just a really good Amendment, motherfuckers. He supports it. Rick Perry supports that fucking shit. MORE »

Rick Perry has been governor of Texas for approx. 45 million years, ever since George W. Bush left office to be president. And he will serve for another 45 million years if he wins his next re-election attempt — a feat that, like all feats Republicans perform these days, hinges on attracting the endorsement of the Floridian mind-controlling swamp demon Rush Limbaugh. MORE »

Wonkette’s Recovery.info troll “Daniel” informs us of this delightful section on the Obama Moneypage in which you can view scanned .PDFs of the various governors’ letters of certification of stimulus package funds (a.k.a the paper they sign to get their DOUGH.) Most of the states that have already signed their certifications are ruled by liberal Democrats who write simple, professional letters quoting the section of the legislation that requires their signing-off. Texas’ Rick Perry, on the other hand, writes a whiny bitch thing, because why is he even taking this money that he doesn’t want? MORE »

This weekend, two very exciting things happened in Austin, Texas. Pinko communist Democrats held their state convention, and the governor’s mansion burned into a tragic, crispy crust. Could the two events be related? Let’s examine the “evidence” behind one possible explanation for the calamity: a drunken visiting Democrat left a burning bag of human feces on the (Republican) governor’s doorstep, never guessing the historic building was one vast, uninhabited fire hazard in search of a flame. MORE »

Texas Gov. Rick Perry has thrown his massive geopolitical heft behind Rudy Giuliani for the upcoming student council elections. He did so in spite of strong, Jesusy reservations about Giuliani’s eternal penchant for killing babies. He used this metaphor, however, to prove to himself that abortion isn’t the only issue in the campaign: “When I go to buy a pickup truck, if it has one option on it that I’m not fond of, it doesn’t mean I disregard that pickup truck.” Oh, I get it! The Democrats and maybe Ron Paul would disregard that pickup truck and/or leave dead babies stuffed in the engine.

Texas Governor Endorses Rudy [MSNBC]