rick perry

Have you guys heard that new joke making the rounds? It goes like this: what’s got two thumbs and doesn’t realize that racism is over everywhere except on the Democrat plantation, so he keeps stirring up racial resentments by persecuting poor innocent white folks and suggesting he won’t let states restrict individuals’ voting rights as […]

“With No Safety Oversight, Six Flags Will Investigate Roller Coaster Death Itself,” says a U.S. News headline that we totally could have written. Does it surprise you to learn that this death trap of an unregulated roller coaster is in Texas? No, of course it doesn’t. Does it surprise you that there are absolutely zero […]

Serious question, Wonkvilleins, because the conservative ladeez of “Politichicks” have put together a Conservative Men Swinging Dicks contest that for real includes Rush Limbaugh, Jonah Goldberg, Joseph Farah and Neil Cavuto, COME ON. (To be fair, those bloated piles of pig anus feature in subcategories like “New Media” and “Rush Limbaugh” and did not final.) […]

Katy Perry announced today that she will not seek re-election as Governor of Texas in 2014, but would not say for certain whether she plans a presidential bid in 2016. The three-term governor has held office since 2000, when then-Gov. Kate Bush became President. Her time in office has been marked by a controversial mix […]

See, we thought that maybe this was a fluke, and that there was nothing more that could possibly be said about the fierce derpery at work in this photo from the Texas Statehouse yesterday. But then we looked at the Twitter stream of the photographer, Seth Millstein, who’s been tweeting the dickens out of the […]

Man, it seems like just yesterday, and not a full week ago, that the Texas state legislature finished up its Very Special Session with a heroic butt-kicking of the Republican Party, said kicking having been led by one Wendy Davis, a hard-charging state senator who has overcome the crippling twin disabilities of single motherhood and […]

Whew. June sure was an uppity pink-sneakered bitch, wasn’t it? Thank Jeebus the “breakdown of decorum and decency,” when women screamed for Gov. Rick Perry just like he likes, is all behind us now, so Ricky and the menfolk can get back to the business of banning the fuck out of abortion. For the women! And […]

Remember like two hours ago, when Rick Perry said it was so sad that Wendy Davis, the petite pink-shoed wonder, was fighting for abortion rights when she was a Teen Mom herself? And that why hadn’t she learned anything from her own life story, of the life that she lived? Yeah, Wendy Davis (totally running […]

Oh, hey, y’all. Remember that crazy clusterfuck in the Texas Senate, when ladybadass state Sen. Wendy Davis filibustered all goddamned day to stop the menfolk from banning vaginas or whatever? Sure you do, because it was just the other day, and unlike some members of the Texas Republican Party (like this “doctor,”) you are not […]

Texas drug-eater Rick Perry denies that he is gay, but Texas? Gay as the dickens — FOR YOUR BUSINESS! That is the message of the “Texas Wide Open for Business” campaign that Gov. Perry is flogging in New York, California, and various other places where it is not torturously hot, humid, and buggy all the […]

So you see, Texas has this thing called a Public Integrity Unit, which is supposed to ride herd on public officials’ ethics and spending and stuff. Except now it doesn’t do anything, because Gov. Rick Perry used his line-item veto to eliminate funding for the Unit after the “some lady” in our headline, Travis County […]

Hey, kids, remember that poll from way back in May that showed just how are-you-freakin’-kidding-us stupid Republicans are? Oh, sorry, there are so many polls like that. We will have to be more specific. We mean this poll about Dumbshit-Americans who are super duper OUTRAGED!!!! about Benghazi, but, um, well: One interesting thing about the […]

Remember how we watched the super special spectacular flameout of Rick Perry’s presidential campaign, complete with an utter inability to remember which government agencies he wanted to annihilate? That was some must-see TV right there. In between our gales of laughter at the hapless head of hair that is Rick Perry, we were also very […]

So there was big Boy Scout news yesterday, where the Boy Scouts are gonna go gay all of a sudden. There are really three acceptable ways to react to this bit of news. First, there is the “meh, don’t care because Boy Scouts or am a lady person or whatever” reaction. There’s also the “wooooooo […]

You know what’s outrageous? The way that Christians are constantly being oppressed in this country! Like for instance how a high school track team in Texas had its win taken away and was disqualified from going to the state championship, all because the winning runner in the 4X100 meter relay, Christian athlete Derrick Hayes, pointed […]