rick perry

Ugh, Rick Perry, you really are THE WORST. Texas Gov. Rick Perry plans to announce he will activate the Texas National Guard at a news conference Monday in Austin, said state Sen. Juan “Chuy” Hinojosa, D-McAllen. Hinojosa did not have details of the effort, but an internal memo from another state official’s office said the […]

As a person who just got a broken molar fixed (just fine, thanks!), Yr Doktor Zoom is especially alert to the word “dentist” in news stories at the moment. And so our eyes opened up at this story from the Great State of Texas: A Central Texas dentist has been sentenced to 21 days in […]

Wonkers, someone has a sad, and it is Rick Perry. Why is he sad? Cause HE AIN’T GOT NO ICE CREAM. (We believe the credit for the above should go to @eastsidekate.) Can you help Rick Perry, Wonkers? Hahaha, just kidding, of course you cannot. Rick Perry is beyond help, and also a picture of […]

Apparently, Mr. Speaker of the House of Representatives John Q. Boehner was very ANGRY today, at the “president,” Barack Obama. Barack Obama was in Texas yesterday, meeting with Rick Perry about the border children — as he should have all along — and then gave a little presser about their talk. It was constructive! he […]

Rick Perry ain’t gonna meet with no “president” of these here Yoonited States just to have a photo op-pur-tunity on the tarmac, no sir! If’n he meets the “president” it ain’t gonna be for huggin’ an’ smoochin’ like that ol’ pantywaist Chris Christie. No, he is gonna meet with the “president” for REAL only, sittin’ […]

Jon Stewart is all up on the weird move by the Texas Republican party to endorse “reparative therapy” for homosexxicans, even though the alleged therapy has been widely discredited. He also has fun with Rick Perry’s dumb idea that if alcoholics can overcome their addiction, then by golly, so can the gays. It’s really remarkably […]

Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” To put his remarks in context, context does not matter when […]

Rick Perry is so smart now with his supersexxxy Clark Kent glasses. (Shut up, yes he is!) He is very intelligent now, and the reason you know he is all intellectual-like is he made an an-al-ogy about how homos puttin’ their wangs in each other’s no-no’s is just like bein’ a alcoholic. Like him! Rick […]

You know that guy out in the desert who made a whole bunch of crazy statements that upset the authorities and caused a confrontation with the man’s many supporters, and then later a whole bunch of those supporters turned around and publicly denied him while others clung to the belief that he was a prophet […]

It must be rough to be the Rickster this week. There have been ups, there have been downs and it’s only Monday. Politico reported on Perry’s very serious contender makeover à la Legally Blonde. As everyone knows, serious eyewear makes for a serious candidate. After recent media performances, where Perry didn’t forget what crucial government […]

Ever had an old person walk up to you on the street and ask you a completely bizarre question, like, “Why do all the apples send moonbeams into your brain?” No? Well, doesn’t happen to us either. But at a Senate hearing yesterday, David Cohen, undersecretary of treasury for terrorism and financial intelligence, was testifying […]

Texas Gov. Rick Perry has advised the Department of Justice that Texas just can’t afford to comply with burdensome federal laws aimed at preventing prison rape, so the state just isn’t gonna, OK? Also, he’s going to tell other governors to ignore the law, too, because States’ Rights. He wrote to Attorney General Eric Holder […]

Virginia is now really, truly for lovers. And not just the boring penis-in-vagina kind of lovers, but now you can put your naughty bits in whatever orifice you would like, even in the butt! Per WaPo: More than a decade after the Supreme Court declared such bans unconstitutional, Virginia lawmakers have taken a ban on […]

If everything is bigger in Texas, then we can’t wait to attend a big ol’ Texas-sized Gay Wedding. And pretty soon that could happen, per the NYT: A federal judge in Texas struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriage on Wednesday, ruling that the laws restricting marriage to a man and a woman violated […]

So Ted Nugent. We have discussed him and his real purty mouth. (He called Barack Obama a chimpanzee and subhuman mongrel, which didn’t even crack that day’s purty-things Top 10, probably.) The Texas Attorney General, Greg Abbott, who is running against Wendy Davis for Texas Gub, campaigned with the Nugemonster the other day, and then […]