rick perry
Remember how Rick Perry was insane during debates? Yeah, he was on painkillers all the time — supposedly because of his bad back, but did you also know that painkillers are really fun? Anyway, this is why he would fall asleep during the second half of every debate. And according to a new POLITICO EBOOK [...]
Texas has been havin’ itself a little fun this week the way it usually likes to have fun: by dragging Planned Parenthood behind its pickup truck, until it is dead. But whoops, it seems their new law outlawing Texas Medicaid’s Women’s Health Program participation in any women’s clinic that is tied to abortion is against [...]
Fox News’ Carl Cameron reported an EXCLUSIVE (MUST CREDIT DERRICK BELL) story yesterday about the possibility of Newt Gingrich “forming a predetermined ticket with Perry [that] will unite the evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters” and allow them to win the nomination at the convention. Both Gingrich and Perry’s people are publicly denying that [...]
Rick Perry is finally dropping out of the Republican race Thursday, and will endorse Newt Gingrich because it’s just more fun that way. He will now return in shame to Texas to command-in-chief his Burundi-sized army and obsessively read over all his old emails to Jesus for clues about why Jesus dumped him and maybe [...]
In Monday night’s debate, Rick Perry made the claim that Turkey was “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” Just as bafflingly, people from as far and wide as actual Turkey and D.C. have taken time out of their busy days Tuesday to condemn Perry’s par-for-the-course proclamation. But he’s been to Turkey, [...]
Early-onset dementia poster child Rick Perry is still, STILL waging his quixotic battle to correctly and consistently identify the same three federal agencies he is proposing to excise from government ever since that magical debate performance last November. This is apparently a MENSA-level test question for a Texas governor. Perry got a slow-pitch softball from [...]
CNN decided Wednesday to let Rick Perry into its upcoming Republican debate in South Carolina January 19, despite the fact that he technically doesn’t qualify for it, since his polling average is not that much higher than the average of people who aren’t even in the race anymore. “Oh but he’s fun!,” they cry, and [...]
Ha ha, the 2012 GOP primary season may turn out to be a boring one, but at least it will be really, really weird: here, for example, is amoral Fox News imp-turd Sean Hannity staring in disbelief as Rick Perry smacks down Mitt Romney for being a “vulture capitalist” over and over like a drugged [...]
NO we have not yet entered the 2012 general election phase of America’s ongoing destruction, but YES, it is time for a Wonkette drinking game, because how else was anyone planning to survive the hailstorm of dildos raining Apocalypse and Gloom on our nation from the New Hampshire GOP primary tonight? Yeah, WE THOUGHT SO. [...]
Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats’ attempt to filibuster President Bush’s judicial appointments. The surly fellow compared his friends across the aisle [...]
After Mitt Romney’s on-the-defensive appearance in Sunday morning’s MSNBC/Facebook debate, the frontrunner showed up at the Nashua Chamber of Commerce in Nashua, NH Monday to give an address in which he admitted that he “likes being able to fire people who provide services to me.” The context was health care: Romney evidently thought that the [...]
The night after finishing fifth place in Iowa, ahead of now-quitter Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, one of the most subdued dudes (subdudes!) ever, was up running around a lake in serious winter running gear, his hair as unkempt and fluffy as a lamb’s. He tweeted something about training for a marathon? And it included this [...]
NEW YORK—Hi good morning! Did you also stay awake until 3am last night to learn who 0.04% of the American population considers the preferable Republican candidate? No? Well good for you! Because boy did we just feel like a bunch of jerks for staying up like this was Florida 2000 or something. And it wasn’t [...]
