Tag Archives: richard nixon

  A Crock O' Shit Now

In Pentagon’s Special Vietnam History, Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt

America: Kept Safe By Being The World's Policeman
2015 is the 50th anniversary of the American deployment of ground troops to Vietnam — oh, sure, there were “advisors” well before that, but March 8, 1965 was when we first sent in 3,500 Marines. And to mark the anniversary, the Pentagon has set up a really cool website, at the cost of a mere $15 million, which aims to honor veterans and commemorate their service. The site also prominently features an educational section whose goal is to Read more on In Pentagon’s Special Vietnam History, Everything Was Beautiful And Nothing Hurt…
  Here have some news n stuff

Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously

But where are the parents?!?
There are terrible parents who do terrible things to their children, and they probably shouldn’t be parents and should not have children. Like parents who beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of their kids (yes, even if they are sportsball stars). Or make baby pose with a gun because LOL, it’s not loaded, what could go wrong? And they deserve to have jackbooted thugs take their children away from them. And then there is idiotic stuff like this: Read more on Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously…
  too soon?

Where Is Nixon Now That Bill Kristol Needs Him?

After hearing for years and years that President Obama and all of his faux “scandals” — IRSgate, Benghazigate, BeingBlackgate — are worse than Watergate, the Gate-iest Gate of all — this sad plea from Perpetually Wrong Bill Kristol is a heck of a thing: Read more on Where Is Nixon Now That Bill Kristol Needs Him?…
  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Compares Obama To Nixon For Some Reason (She’s High)

She had packed away her respirator after the big Ebola scare and joined the rest of the great city in resuming a normal life. After all, the holidays were coming. Soon would be Thanksgiving, with its feasts of turkey and stuffing and wine. Then holiday dinners and parties, with feasts of meat and potatoes and wine. Then Christmas itself, with feasts of ham and pie and wine. Then New Year’s… Read more on Peggy Noonan Compares Obama To Nixon For Some Reason (She’s High)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War

Whole lotta tapes comin' out
Monday night, Rachel Maddow brought us a segment on audio diaries kept by H.R. “Bob” Haldeman, which were recently released by the Nixon Presidential Library. At first, we were ready for another story about the Nixon administration’s penchant for backbiting and sliminess, and there’s definitely some of that — Haldeman casually mentions that Robert Byrd’s past as a KKK member actually weighed in his favor as a possible Supreme Court nominee — but then things take another turn altogether as Haldeman describes Nixon meeting the family of Col. William Nolde, the last American combat casualty in Vietnam. Read more on Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War…
  When The President Does It It's Not Illegal

Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)

You'll believe a man can be slimy
If you’re any kind of liberal at all — and as a Wonkette reader, you’re the very best kind of liberal, because you’re immune to cheap flattery — you hold a special, very dark place in your heart for Richard Milhous Nixon, the slimiest human being to ever pace around the Oval Office and cry to a portrait of Lincoln at 3 AM. Oh, sure, Reagan and Dubya may have been far worse at actually Presidenting, but Nixon’s paranoid self-importance and underhanded sleaziness put the man in a category all his own. He was truly a complex mass of inconsistencies, for whom Hunter S. Thompson’s loathing was fully justified: Read more on Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This is the third in a series of posts made by possible by a generous contribution from The Fartknocker Institute for Sarah Palin Studies. The Sarah Palin Channel continues to take the conservative derp-o-sphere by storm, with her recent jeremiad against Elizabeth Warren settling the minimum wage debate once and for all. With that taken care of, Palin turned her attention to the Kenyan usurper Barack Obama’s obvious impeachable offenses, what with the czars and the decrees and the lawlessness. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah…
  clipbait

Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)

It is no secret that we are totally gay for Rachel Maddow, who thinks that Yr. Wonkette is “profane and wonderful.” And Thursday she was in Full Nerdgirl mode, geeking out over newly-discovered audiotapes from Richard Nixon’s infamous Oval Office recording trove. But in these 1971 recordings, Nixon’s not plotting to cover up Watergate or fulminating about his enemies. Instead, these tapes captured the President having a philosophical chat with Henry Kissinger and H.R. Haldeman about “the gay thing” Nixon insists he’s very tolerant, understands that “They’re born that way,” and then goes on to explain, Read more on Richard Nixon Didn’t Think Girls Should Cuss Like Common Jews, Rachel Maddow Is On It (Video)…
  One Two Hillary's Coming For You

Larry Klayman Pretty Sure Hillary Will Make You Wish You Had Richard Nixon To Kick Around

When last we saw Larry Klayman, he was pretty worried about how Barack Obama was forcing white people to be racist, and if there were no Bamz, poof! no racism. But since it has been like 10 minutes since Larry had another theory (we use that word so loosely) about what is wrecking ‘Merica, he has popped back up to explain how if Hillary gets elected she is totally worse than Nixon because she has so many more ‘gates to her name, whereas Nixon had just the one. Read more on Larry Klayman Pretty Sure Hillary Will Make You Wish You Had Richard Nixon To Kick Around…
  the me decade

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks In Leisure Suit Denial

Happy 420 Easter (also unfortunately Hitler’s birthday), everyone! This week, a bit of a surprise: we had anticipated that our textbooks for the Christian-school market would lead off their discussion of the 1970s with a lot of excuses and soft-pedaling of Watergate, perhaps depicting it as the destruction of a good man by radicals in the liberal media. But we were wrong! There’s almost nothing in their coverage of Watergate that you wouldn’t find in a secular text. Once we got over being puzzled, it occurred to us that these texts are both products of the 1980s’ Moral Majority/Reaganite camp, and so of course they’d have no particular reason to whitewash Watergate — Nixon wasn’t their kind of Republican anyway, so there wasn’t much incentive to try to rehabilitate him in a textbook. Besides, the real fun will come after 1976, when they can bash Jimmy Carter and hail the Advent of Reagan. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks In Leisure Suit Denial…
  tune in turn on derp out

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Young Neidermeyers

Hope you filthy hippies are ready to get a good talking-to about your drugs and your communism and your satanic rock music, because this week it’s time to get a dose of revisionist history of the 1960s, courtesy of our textbooks for the Christian homeschooling market. Our 8th-grade text, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994, 2006), has no doubts about just what a terrible time the decade was, and why: By the early 1960s, the teachings of humanist philosopher John Dewey, the father of progressive education, had permeated public education. Dewey was a leader in the secular humanist movement, which put man in place of or above God. Moral absolutes, such as those once taught in the McGuffey Readers, were replaced by humanistic ideas such as encouraging children to “follow their animal instincts” and to practice permissive “self expression” in the classroom… As “progressive” educators removed godly values from the classroom, America’s youth became ripe for the spirit of rebellion that moved across the nation in the late 1960s, opening the door to drug abuse and sexual immorality. As discipline, dress codes, and moral standards relaxed in the public school systems, test scores continued to decline. Rock music began to influence American culture through such popular musicians as Elvis Presley. In other words, this chapter of Land I Love is pretty much a grab bag of rightwing culture war complaints about the ’60s. Our other text, Bob Jones University Press’s 11/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (2001), is slightly less panicked in tone — as usual, it makes fewer sweeping claims about why everything went to hell — but nonetheless titles its chapter on 1963-73 “The Shattered Society” and emphasizes that America just barely avoided utter dissolution in that decade. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Young Neidermeyers…
  off to argue in heaven

Sarah Palin Won’t Have Joe McGinniss To Kick Around Anymore

Yesterday, at age 71, author Joe McGinniss passed away after a battle with prostate cancer. It was one of those “hey wait WHAT” moments that makes its way across Twitter swiftly and you’re not even sure you believe it after checking Wikipedia. Read more on Sarah Palin Won’t Have Joe McGinniss To Kick Around Anymore…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ’em before they start to turn. Verily, this is the Arby-Q of Wonket posts. We’ll start off with the tale of Petr Pavlensky, a Russian “conceptual artist” who won’t be conceiving anything for a little while now, since he went and nailed his nutsack to the cobbles of Red Square to protest…um… well, we thought it was to protest the imprisonment of Pussy Riot, but no, for that, he sewed his mouth shut. This time he sat down in front of Lenin’s Mausoleum and pounded a large nail through his scrotum into the pavement. Pavlensky explained in a post-arrest statement that the nut-nailing “can be seen as a metaphor for the apathy, political indifference and fatalism of contemporary Russian society.” It’s nice when you’re able to combine your hobbies with your activism. Gawker notes that police used “a claw hammer” to bring the protest to an abrupt end (yes, we just felt several hundred of you wince). Efficient, but wouldn’t poetic justice have been better served with a ball peen hammer? Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Walk On The Vile Side

Welcome to a Very Special Armistice Day Edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly accumulation of arglebargle that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on. Let’s ring in the Derp with this bit o’ conspiracy theorizin': Mitt Romney mighta won the 2012 election if only that power-mad Obama dictator hadn’t wiretapped his phone. (Not that Obama actually did, but you know, NSA HAARP Chemtrails Benghazi IRS.) thing is, he COULD have! Nixon did stuff, after all, and everything Obama does is worse than Watergate, which means Romney never had a chance because spying. Oh, and also the problem of just being Mitt Goddamn Rich Asshole Romney, which we’re pretty sure was somehow Barry’s fault, too. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Walk On The Vile Side…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy

Happy Saturday, Wonkaroonies, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, where we stomp on a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on, to squeeze out whatever funny may still be in them. If the mixture tastes a little off, add booze. (This almost exactly how they make “Sunny Delight.”) Item Numero Uno is not strictly Political Derp, but we do Media Derp, too. Plus it is from Yr Dok Zoom’s own hometown of Boise, Idaho. On Thursday, KIVI teevee sportsball guy Paul Gerke did his entire four-minute segment in costume and character as Ron Burgundy, which we understand was a character played by the great comedic actor “Kevin Nealon.” It’s just about the most press that our fair city has gotten since the Broncos won the Siesta Bowl sportsball tournament a few years ago, so we are obliged to write about it. Thanks for the national attention, Deadspin! Nice for Idaho to get some attention that involves neither neo-nazis nor Senator Widestance. Video after the jump, for those of you who are into celebrity impressions that add a Minnesota accent to a character that didn’t originally have one. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy…
  you downplay just ONE genocide...

Helen Thomas Meets Deadline

Your Wonkette comes bearing sad news: Helen Thomas, “White House Crone,” died today at age 92 after a long and eventful tour through the halls of the White House. Younger Wonketeers may only know her from that 2010 video where she made anti-Semitic comments , but she was also the first woman assigned to a full time position as a White House reporter and, over the course of a half century, reported on every U.S. president from John Kennedy to Barack Obama. She was the only reporter to accompany Nixon to China. She asked hard questions that made G.W. appear almost — not quite, but almost — sympathetic in his bumbling idiocy, and — unlike many contemporary journalists (YOU KNOW WHO WE MEAN) could be combative and hostile to press secretaries and the presidents they worked for. For example, she practically called Dana Perino a warmongering hussy, right to her face, and asked Obama why the hell we were still in Afghanistan given the corruption of the Karzai regime, its inhospitable terrain, and the mounting death toll. And — in addition to doing all that — she stalked Stephen Colbert, which we present to you in her honor: Read more on Helen Thomas Meets Deadline…