Tag Archives: richard cohen

  so maybe he'll retire now?

Richard Cohen Suffers Brief Moment of Self-Awareness

Washington Post ghoul Richard Cohen has been writing incoherent paeans to war and sexism for nearly 40 years, but even a broken plastic clock that was pulverized and re-manufactured into a novelty-store dildo is still right exactly one time in 40 years. Our pal Princess Sparkle Pony suffered through Cohen’s latest blog post or whatever it’s called, and found this moment of tragic self-awareness: Read more on Richard Cohen Suffers Brief Moment of Self-Awareness…
  web terrorism

Washington Post Hacked By … Washington Post?

Wonkette operative “Dan G.” was checking washingtonpost.com just before midnight, like a sex weirdo, when he saw this mysterious message, possibly from a “computer hacker” or the aliens on their way to Earth to vaporize everyone but Newt Gingrich, which is an example of extreme space-alien humor. So we took a look at the Washington Post‘s prize-winning local news portal and saw … just the Washington Post, possibly with a mild redesign. THIS IS HOW CRAFTY THE TERRORISTS ARE, with their tastefully dull web makeovers. They are probably offering some kind of loss-leader eight-for-one deal on sandwiches, too. WHY DOES IT HATE US? Read more on Washington Post Hacked By … Washington Post?…
  rumors on the internets

Wisconsin’s Union Rapists Demand Collective Raping Rights

Lara Logan’s tragic sexual assault is NOTHING compared to the horrors she might have experienced at the hands of those greasy union rapists in Wisconsin. [Big Journalism] Uh oh, the famous internet destination for truth, Snopes.com, is secretly the holocaust-loving handiwork of America’s most evil Jew, George Soros. [RPN] Read more on Wisconsin’s Union Rapists Demand Collective Raping Rights…
  you've got mail

Washington Post Launching Delightful New Personalized ‘Google News’

Do you love Google News but wish it was somehow tied up with the Washington Post? Then you will really be delighted to hear that the WaPo is launching something called “Trove,” which is a magical way to apparently personalize the news you wish to see on your screen — sort of the way you’ve been able to do on the Internet, using Excite! News or RSS or Bloglines or whatever, since the mid-1990s. But this will be different! (Right? It has to be different in some way, we assume, even though assuming anything sane is extremely dangerous when discussing the Washington Post.) Let’s take a look at all the personalized options you’ll enjoy whenever the “Washington Trove” appears and is quickly and totally forgotten by the few who bother to look at it, once. Read more on Washington Post Launching Delightful New Personalized ‘Google News’…
  wearing glasses doesn't make you smart

Basically, Richard Cohen Wants You To Know He Goes To Insidery Funerals

Like many professionals of a certain age, Richard Cohen goes to a lot of funerals. Very, very, very soon, he will attend his own, and everyone will be able to laugh in his face about how stupid he was. But for now, he must write Washington Post op-eds letting us know that he goes to, like, the most important memorial services ever. Case in point: He went to Richard Holbrooke’s last week! What a hott ticket, right? Whom did he have to blow to go to that? Everyone? Yes. So Richard Cohen had to get an article out of this, right? But what to say? How about, “Barack Obama hates Richard Holbrooke so much that he gave a better speech in Tucson”? Sure, that works. Read more on Basically, Richard Cohen Wants You To Know He Goes To Insidery Funerals…
  great minds

Richard Cohen Loves Sexual Harassment

Richard Cohen has heard about all of this Clarence Thomas stuff in his newspaper and is absolutely “mortified.” How could they print something a powerless lady said about a powerful Supreme Court justice? “In elementary school, some kid must have plastered a ‘kick me!’ sign on Clarence Thomas’s back — and it has never been taken off. Every 20 years or so, some woman surfaces to accuse the now-Supreme Court justice of being a male chauvinist pig — to resurrect an old term from the tie-dyed era — but falls frustratingly short of making a case for true sexual harassment.” Cohen can objectively say that this is not evidence that Clarence Thomas maybe was a sexual harasser — it’s evidence that women are mean and like to tell stories about sexual harassment all the time, all of which are basically always false. Oh, but wait a second, didn’t a woman once accuse Cohen of sexual harassment? Read more on Richard Cohen Loves Sexual Harassment…
  america's greatest columnist

Dumb Old Man Wanks To John McCain’s Daughter

America’s conscience, the Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen, has discovered a bright new light on his teevee screen! Let’s see, is there some vapid, invented political-media personality from 2008 that might impress this confused oldster as he navigates the complexities of a post-9/11 cable remote? Does she have literally nothing to do with politics and zero standing in the party she claims to be tangentially connected to? This is a … a … YOUTH TREND! Read more on Dumb Old Man Wanks To John McCain’s Daughter…
  the future of test prep

Washington Post Doing Another ‘America’s Next Great Pundit’ Thing

As the air turns crisp and the leaves begin to fall, the Washington Post has once again launched a dumb contest to select new dumb op-ed contributors. They sent us an e-mail about this because they know we are fans of their opinion page, and apparently they are calling this “America’s Next Great Pundit, Season II,” which makes it sound like a real teevee show! Wow, if only! That would certainly get ratings. So you are once again invited to submit an entry into this contest, but please no minorities or women or people younger than 55. That was the problem they had with last year’s contest. Read more on Washington Post Doing Another ‘America’s Next Great Pundit’ Thing…
  america's greatest pundits

Richard Cohen Wants Obama To ‘Go Crazy’ On The Country Iran

The World’s Worst Writer has a Battle Plan for Iran! “I have no idea whether Ahmadinejad merely acts crazy or is crazy. I do know, though, that Iran seems intent on getting nuclear weapons and the missiles to deliver them… It may be time for Barack Obama, ever the soul of moderation, to borrow a tactic from Richard Nixon and fight crazy with crazy. The way things are going, it would be crazy not to.” A+! (PSST DID RICHARD COHEN JUST SUGGEST WE SHOULD NUKE IRAN FIRST? ) [Washington Post] Read more on Richard Cohen Wants Obama To ‘Go Crazy’ On The Country Iran…
  bearded antagonists

Richard Cohen’s Edgy ‘Postmodern’ Op-Ed Ends With Richard Cohen Insisting He’s You

Professional hilarious comedian and comedy writer Richard Cohen has written one of his signature high-concept columns about the New York Senate race. He starts off real funny-like: “Let me introduce myself. I am Harold Gillibrand or maybe I’m Kirsten Ford, a blending of the Democrats who want to be the next elected senator from New York.” “Harold Gillibrand”! Yo, who ordered wordplay with a side of regular words? It’s as if, by way of explaining Harold Ford’s pro-life stance, Cohen were to insist that Ford is actually pro-Life, like Life magazine, which he of course does just a few paragraphs later. Read more on Richard Cohen’s Edgy ‘Postmodern’ Op-Ed Ends With Richard Cohen Insisting He’s You…
  it doesn't have to be good

Washington Post Pundit Contest Submission Period Ends Tonight, You Guys!

You have until 11:59 p.m. to submit your essay to the Washington Post‘s “America’s Next Great Pundit” contest, the winner of which receives two doses of Richard Cohen’s “orange” flavor Metamucil! Supposedly the judging and elimination rounds will begin late next week and… oh god… we are just not prepared for this avalanche of comedy. [Washington Post] Read more on Washington Post Pundit Contest Submission Period Ends Tonight, You Guys!…
  world's worst writer

Richard Cohen Is President Of Satire

Some of the most ominous words you can read on the entire Washington Internet are, “Quick takes by The Post’s opinion writers.” The Washington Post has an entire blog for this sort of thing. Usually it is just like, “Wait, what happened? Oh my god you better bomb it immediately!” All other posts are the World’s Worst Writer, Richard Cohen, “riffing” on the morning’s news. “I am prepping to destroy this ethos of ‘comprehensive incrementalism,’ artfully.” Do not click on this link. [Washington Post] Read more on Richard Cohen Is President Of Satire…
  world's worst writer

TODAY’S OFFERING FROM… A CERTAIN “COHEN, RICHARD”: Celebrated Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen wants Obama to GET REAL now. You’re President, for the love of fuck — bomb Iran already! etc. etc. And it really was just a matter of time before Richard Cohen used this line, wasn’t it: “These Persians lie like a rug.” Amazing. [Washington Post] Read more on …
  print journalism

“America’s Next Great Pundit”: A Truly Existing Contest From The Washington Post

The Washington Post is offering you a very special once-in-a-lifetime chance to write a weekly journalistic politics opinion column! If you have ever had dreams of BEING YOUR OWN RICHARD COHEN, now is the time to enter the Post‘s “America’s Next Great Pundit” contest, the grand prize of which is an actual opinion column in The Washington Post, which your Wonkette Fact-Checking Desk has Googled and apparently used to be some sort of newspaper, back in the 70s. Read more on “America’s Next Great Pundit”: A Truly Existing Contest From The Washington Post…