Tag: richard cohen

Human Soba Noodle Richard Cohen Pees On Ghost Andrew Breitbart

Opening his "valuable" Washington Post opinion page real estate with a tantalizing promise to speak ill of the dead, Colonel Sanders impersonator and usually vapid old coot Richard Cohen sort of delivers! It is not nice to speak ill...

Richard Cohen Admits Giant Gay Crush On Rick Perry

Lead old fart in the Washington Post's "Eldercare for columnists" division Richard Cohen proclaimed his manly affection for Texas bozo barbie Rick Perry, not for something inane/worthwhile like "policy reasons," but because the hot waves of bubbling stool ever-flowing out of...

Richard Cohen Suffers Brief Moment of Self-Awareness

Washington Post ghoul Richard Cohen has been writing incoherent paeans to war and sexism for nearly 40 years, but even a broken plastic clock that was pulverized and re-manufactured into a novelty-store dildo is still right exactly one time...

Washington Post Hacked By … Washington Post?

Wonkette operative "Dan G." was checking washingtonpost.com just before midnight, like a sex weirdo, when he saw this mysterious message, possibly from a "computer hacker" or the aliens on their way to Earth to vaporize everyone but Newt Gingrich,...

Wisconsin’s Union Rapists Demand Collective Raping Rights

Lara Logan's tragic sexual assault is NOTHING compared to the horrors she might have experienced at the hands of those greasy union rapists in Wisconsin. Uh oh, the famous internet destination for truth, Snopes.com, is secretly the holocaust-loving...

Washington Post Launching Delightful New Personalized ‘Google News’

Do you love Google News but wish it was somehow tied up with the Washington Post? Then you will really be delighted to hear that the WaPo is launching something called "Trove," which is a magical way to apparently...

Basically, Richard Cohen Wants You To Know He Goes To Insidery Funerals

Like many professionals of a certain age, Richard Cohen goes to a lot of funerals. Very, very, very soon, he will attend his own, and everyone will be able to laugh in his face about how stupid he was....

Richard Cohen Loves Sexual Harassment

Richard Cohen has heard about all of this Clarence Thomas stuff in his newspaper and is absolutely "mortified." How could they print something a powerless lady said about a powerful Supreme Court justice? "In elementary school, some kid must...

Dumb Old Man Wanks To John McCain’s Daughter

America's conscience, the Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen, has discovered a bright new light on his teevee screen! Let's see, is there some vapid, invented political-media personality from 2008 that might impress this confused oldster as he navigates the...

Washington Post Doing Another ‘America’s Next Great Pundit’ Thing

As the air turns crisp and the leaves begin to fall, the Washington Post has once again launched a dumb contest to select new dumb op-ed contributors. They sent us an e-mail about this because they know we are...

Richard Cohen Wants Obama To ‘Go Crazy’ On The Country Iran

The World's Worst Writer has a Battle Plan for Iran! "I have no idea whether Ahmadinejad merely acts crazy or is crazy. I do know, though, that Iran seems intent on getting nuclear weapons and the missiles to deliver...

When Will This Administration Devote More Resources Towards Saving Richard Cohen From Browns?

He's ba-ack! Tenured Washington Post oxygen-consumer Richard Cohen, the World's Worst Writer, has constructed another hilarious screed about Terrorism from the chunks of waste that have long lingered in his adult diaper. At least that's our guess! We...

Richard Cohen’s Edgy ‘Postmodern’ Op-Ed Ends With Richard Cohen Insisting He’s You

Professional hilarious comedian and comedy writer Richard Cohen has written one of his signature high-concept columns about the New York Senate race. He starts off real funny-like: "Let me introduce myself. I am Harold Gillibrand or maybe I'm Kirsten...

Richard Cohen’s Profound Thoughts On Women’s Sexuality Merit Rigorous Debate

Why is there no female Tiger Woods?

Washington Post Pundit Contest Submission Period Ends Tonight, You Guys!

You have until 11:59 p.m. to submit your essay to the Washington Post's "America's Next Great Pundit" contest, the winner of which receives two doses of Richard Cohen's "orange" flavor Metamucil! Supposedly the judging and elimination rounds will begin...

Richard Cohen Is President Of Satire

Some of the most ominous words you can read on the entire Washington Internet are, "Quick takes by The Post's opinion writers." The Washington Post has an entire blog for this sort of thing. Usually it is just like,...