Tag Archives: rich people

  jerb creators

Poor Rich People Lost 25 Percent Of Their Speech In 2009

Poor rich people! The IRS recently released its latest annual analysis of the tax returns from the 400 filers with the highest adjusted gross incomes, and looks like they had 29% less income speech in 2009 than in 2008. From CNN Money: The 400 tax filers at the top of the income scale hauled in an average of $202.4 million in 2009 — a 25% haircut from the prior year, according to the latest tax data from the IRS. But there is good news–two pieces of good news, in fact! First, Citizens United hadn’t passed yet. If it had, we the unwashed public would have been deprived of 25% of these people’s speech, thus hindering Democracy and the free exchange of ideas. And second, for job creators (also known as “the .01%” by Art Majors) money speech doesn’t just come from “income” (which is vulgar); it comes from tax-exempt income, such as interest from municipal bonds, or from investments with low effective tax rates, like capital gains. It is therefore possible that their money speech was not reduced quite as much as 25% between 2008 and 2009, since the IRS was only counting “income.” Also, the astute reader will note that they barely have to pay any taxes, but, as CNN Money notes (for balance, because this is journalism) this is only FAIR since all of the Poors have been living it up for ever. Read more on Poor Rich People Lost 25 Percent Of Their Speech In 2009…
  class war joe

Joe Biden Has Some Things To Yell At You, Rich People

What a busy few weeks it has been for VP Bitchen Camaro! There was Gentle Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for gay love, and Scrappy Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for little picked-on kids (with his fists!), and now there is Class War Joe, cold yellin’ at rich people like they are responsible for trashing the economy or something. Joe Biden contains multitudes! But Noah Rothman, one of Mediaite’s house conservatives, simply does not care for this version of Joe. Read more on Joe Biden Has Some Things To Yell At You, Rich People…
  someone needs a minder

Romney’s Rich Buddy Wants Hipsters To Be Investors Or Something, For America

One of the nice young men who does the Planet Money podcast on the NPR somehow lured Edward Conard, who you might remember as the guy who created a shell corporation that existed only to donate $1 million to Mitt Romney’s SuperPAC, out to a plebeian coffee shop to talk about rich people. As a rich person-American, Edward Conard is very upset — more disappointed than angry, really — at some of the rhetoric coming from the poors, who don’t understand that rich people getting richer is good for everyone. He talked at great length, at this coffee shop meeting! Then our NPR gotcha journalist wrote it all up over six pages, each of which you will click on to generate rage-ad-pageviews for the New York Times, you jealous little liberal. Read more on Romney’s Rich Buddy Wants Hipsters To Be Investors Or Something, For America…
  bless his heart

Unteachable Mitt Romney Talks About His Owner Friends In Other Sports

A reporter asked Mitt Romney today where he thought free agent Peyton Manning should play football next season. Ahh, there’s a nice birthday softball question for ya! All he had to say was that he’s a Patriots fan, so he hopes Manning doesn’t play for a team in the same division. This is all he had to say. And he did! But only after going out of his way to say something completely unnecessary, again, that has probably left his campaign manager sobbing for ever accepting such a gig. Read more on Unteachable Mitt Romney Talks About His Owner Friends In Other Sports…
  new study proves it

Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil

Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi schemes with as little feeling as they’ll rape their housekeepers. The rich strap their supposedly beloved family pets to the top of their expensive cars for days at a time, and find the animal’s resulting terror and diarrhea funny. The rich are different, that’s for sure — they lack morals. This is the not-so-surprising result of a study by scientific academic people at a university somewhere. Read more on Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil…
  a modest proposal

Wise CEO Suggests Heavier Taxes On Poor People To Help Weary Rich People

Taxes on the rich would be very, very bad. All Americans learned this from our first constitutional president, Ronald Reagan, which is why his illegitimate son — the Keynesian Kenyan economist Barack Obama — keeps prattling on about the need for the top 1% to pay their “fair share.”  But as common-folk hero Eric Cantor can tell you, taxes on the rich are literally the murderers of innocent, mostly nonexistent jobs. With much of the remaining U.S. service sector now devoted to carrying sacks of Rolex watches and diamond-studded vibrators to Charles Koch’s chauffeured Bentley or sponge-bathing David Koch’s liver spots with whale oil, the redistribution of wealth from “people in general” to a handful of gazillionaires has put more pressure on the rich to keep being insanely rich. Who will make the nation’s poor finally take their medicine, for America? Read more on Wise CEO Suggests Heavier Taxes On Poor People To Help Weary Rich People…
  you didn't need that stuff anyway

As American Middle Class Vanishes, Advertisers Focus Only On Richest 10%

Here’s something with a plus and a minus: Most Americans will soon be free of endless advertising and marketing campaigns, because the advertising industry has decided the only money to be made is in marketing things to the last people with money, the richest 10%. Read more on As American Middle Class Vanishes, Advertisers Focus Only On Richest 10%…
  unlike

Facebook ‘Likes’ To ‘Friend’ Robert Gibbs (Facebook Hiring Robert Gibbs)

What does a powerful, immense global online network worth $60 billion need more than anything? A cozy voice in the White House! That’s why Facebook is reportedly hiring Barack Obama’s former spokesman and best buddy Robert Gibbs. The ex-White House press secretary will make “millions of dollars” in salary and stock, according to the New York Times. What will Gibbs do for the Web’s top time-waster? He’ll help “manage the company’s communications,” perhaps by verbally attacking Facebook’s most loyal users. (“Professional losers,” he might call them, or “Fake-friend house-slobs who should be aggressively electrocuted, remotely.”) Read more on Facebook ‘Likes’ To ‘Friend’ Robert Gibbs (Facebook Hiring Robert Gibbs)…
  it's morning in america

Poor Rich People Might Have To Pay Taxes Eventually

If this doesn’t make your blood boil with anger, nothing will: Barack Obama might not give super rich people permanent tax exempt status! If Obama taxes rich people, how are they supposed to create new jobs, in India/China/anywhere but here? At this point it doesn’t really even matter. Obama couldn’t redistribute the white man’s Wealth even if he tried his hardest, since we already live in a terrible Banana Republic in which “the richest 1 percent of Americans now take home almost 24 percent of income.” The rest of us squat in bedbug-infested foreclosed condos and eat re-refried beans and McDonald’s McSadness sandwiches. And John Boehner might as well take our Social Security too, because most of us won’t even live long enough to enjoy our first adult diaper poop — because who can afford adult diapers? We will just have to poop our pants, and then die. Yay. [WSJ] Read more on Poor Rich People Might Have To Pay Taxes Eventually… Read more on Poor Rich People Might Have To Pay Taxes Eventually…
  it's morning in america

BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans

Because all Republican rhetoric is about how the ELITE represses the PEOPLE and we should always side with the PEOPLE against the ELITE and their SINISTER GOVERNMENT, you might think that America’s actual economic elite would be opposed to Republican policies. You would be wrong, though! For instance, over the course of this cycle rich dude Bob Perry has spread a cool $11 million around among Karl Rove’s American Crossroads election cabal and the Republican Governors Association. Also, radical outsider Tea Party candidates are getting campaign money from rich Wall Street fat cats, via John Boehner! Read more on BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans… Read more on BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans…
  California Über Alles

Liveblogging the Jerry Brown-Meg Whitman Heat-Wave Death Match

Should we liveblog the Jerry v. Meg death match? Well, we just held an election on Twitter and we won with 99.7% of the vote! So join us at 6PM California Death-Heat Time for the California Gov Debate, starring the Jedi monk Jerry Brown (of California’s famous 1970s) and that person whose face is on every commercial and Internet ad, because she is literally spending hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars to run for governor of a bankrupt state everybody is fleeing, Meg Whitman (of the 1990s Dot-Com bubble). Read more on Liveblogging the Jerry Brown-Meg Whitman Heat-Wave Death Match…
  commie venture capitalists

Rich Person Begs For More Taxes

Rich person Garrett Gruener — inventor of Ask.com — says that taxing rich people is good, and not taxing them is bad. Why would he say this? I’m a venture capitalist and an entrepreneur. Over the past three decades, I’ve made both good and bad investments. I’ve created successful companies and ones that didn’t do so well. Overall, I’m proud that my investments have created jobs and led to some interesting innovations. And I’ve done well financially; I’m one of the fortunate few who are in the top echelon of American earners. …. Congress should let the Bush tax cuts expire for the wealthiest Americans and use the additional tax revenues that are generated to invest in infrastructure and research. “Invest” is the right word. Putting money into infrastructure – such as roads, bridges, broadband, the smart grid and public transit – as well as carefully chosen research initiatives provides a foundation for future growth. As important, it puts funds in the hands of those who will spend them, generating demand that will pull us out of our economic crisis and toward a new cycle of growth. Read more on Rich Person Begs For More Taxes…
  green shoots!

Desperately Poor GOP Lobbyists Finally Finding Work Again

Americans are POOR AND BROKE, YA HEARD? Those who still haven’t hocked their eyes tend to look to newspapers for two purposes: for warmth, obviously, as they sleep on park benches in the frigid September night, but also for inspiration, for the knowledge that even if they’re doomed, there are Americans out there who are helping bring our economy back. Well, many a hobo is weeping tears of joy into his can of beans today, as he reads the rat-poop stained New York Times he fished out of the gutter and learns that yes, Republican lobbyists can find lucrative six- to seven-figure salaries once again, in America. Read more on Desperately Poor GOP Lobbyists Finally Finding Work Again…
  ketchup yachts

John Kerry Is Still the Richest Ketchup Heiress In Congress

Hooray, The Hill has released this year’s “50 Wealthiest People In Congress,” and it is an unusually informative eHow list (not to be confused with the celebrated “50 Most Sexual Congresspeople” thing, which we hate). Anyway, John Kerry won, again, because of ketchup: Read more on John Kerry Is Still the Richest Ketchup Heiress In Congress…
  karel capek was right

Robots, Rich People Team Up To Destroy Economy

New employment numbers are out and they’re great news! Oh, wait, we had the thing upside down, they’re actually terrible. 131,000 fewer jobs last month, although that figure includes 141,000 liberal census workers who were let go after the government decided to just make up the census numbers this year. In fact, the private sector added a whole 71,000 jobs in July…71,000 jobs for humans. But how many jobs for robots? Why won’t the government release those important numbers? Read more on Robots, Rich People Team Up To Destroy Economy…