Tag: rich people

Goldman Offers Banking For The One Percent And There Will Be Neither Credit Cards Nor Toasters

The problem with retail banking, see, is that even Poors can sometimes scrape enough money together to get a bank account or a loan, and then they’re all blah blah blah, you are foreclosing on my house by mistake,...

What’s In Your IRA? Don’t Worry, Mitt Romney Doesn’t Know Either

Oh HI, rapidly aging baby boomers! How is that retirement planning coming? From what we hear, not so hot! Perhaps if America’s baby boomers had been as smart as Mitt Romney and found a way to siphon $100,000,000 (ONE...

Poor Rich People Lost 25 Percent Of Their Speech In 2009

Poor rich people! The IRS recently released its latest annual analysis of the tax returns from the 400 filers with the highest adjusted gross incomes, and looks like they had 29% less income speech in 2009 than in 2008. From...

Joe Biden Has Some Things To Yell At You, Rich People

What a busy few weeks it has been for VP Bitchen Camaro! There was Gentle Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for gay love, and Scrappy Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for little picked-on kids (with his fists!),...

Romney’s Rich Buddy Wants Hipsters To Be Investors Or Something, For America

One of the nice young men who does the Planet Money podcast on the NPR somehow lured Edward Conard, who you might remember as the guy who created a shell corporation that existed only to donate $1 million to...

Unteachable Mitt Romney Talks About His Owner Friends In Other Sports

A reporter asked Mitt Romney today where he thought free agent Peyton Manning should play football next season. Ahh, there's a nice birthday softball question for ya! All he had to say was that he's a Patriots fan, so...

Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil

Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi...

Wise CEO Suggests Heavier Taxes On Poor People To Help Weary Rich People

Taxes on the rich would be very, very bad. All Americans learned this from our first constitutional president, Ronald Reagan, which is why his illegitimate son -- the Keynesian Kenyan economist Barack Obama -- keeps prattling on about the...

As American Middle Class Vanishes, Advertisers Focus Only On Richest 10%

Here's something with a plus and a minus: Most Americans will soon be free of endless advertising and marketing campaigns, because the advertising industry has decided the only money to be made is in marketing things to the last...

Facebook ‘Likes’ To ‘Friend’ Robert Gibbs (Facebook Hiring Robert Gibbs)

What does a powerful, immense global online network worth $60 billion need more than anything? A cozy voice in the White House! That's why Facebook is reportedly hiring Barack Obama's former spokesman and best buddy Robert Gibbs. The ex-White...

Midterm Elections Ruined by Rich and Pasty Old People

Who made John Boehner our chain-smokin' Orange Overseer? Crusty, rich white people who don't use deodorant and have cabbage breath, according to a new and probably unnecessary study! It's sort of silly that old people voted for all these...

Poor Rich People Might Have To Pay Taxes Eventually

If this doesn't make your blood boil with anger, nothing will: Barack Obama might not give super rich people permanent tax exempt status! If Obama taxes rich people, how are they supposed to create new jobs, in India/China/anywhere but...

BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans

Because all Republican rhetoric is about how the ELITE represses the PEOPLE and we should always side with the PEOPLE against the ELITE and their SINISTER GOVERNMENT, you might think that America's actual economic elite would be opposed to...

Liveblogging the Jerry Brown-Meg Whitman Heat-Wave Death Match

Should we liveblog the Jerry v. Meg death match? Well, we just held an election on Twitter and we won with 99.7% of the vote! So join us at 6PM California Death-Heat Time for the California Gov Debate, starring...

Rich Person Begs For More Taxes

Rich person Garrett Gruener -- inventor of Ask.com -- says that taxing rich people is good, and not taxing them is bad. Why would he say this? I'm a venture capitalist and an entrepreneur. Over the past three decades, I've...

Desperately Poor GOP Lobbyists Finally Finding Work Again

Americans are POOR AND BROKE, YA HEARD? Those who still haven't hocked their eyes tend to look to newspapers for two purposes: for warmth, obviously, as they sleep on park benches in the frigid September night, but also...