Never steal a samurai’s Xbox. Because he will Seppuku you, with his samurai sword… that he ordered from SkyMall… while studying electrical engineering at Johns Hopkins. [Washington Times] MORE »

Well this is sort of neat! An actual AIG-FP executive wrote an op-ed in the Times explaining why he is not the most evil biological form on the planet short of the Ebola virus, and he makes some good points, such as: not everybody in the AIG-FP unit fucked up the world. It was only the credit default swap people. MORE »

In his latest dramatic attempt to charm the remaining elitist Republicans out of their doomed party of dumb rednecks, Super-President Barack Obama went to George Will’s walled castle in suburban Maryland on Tuesday night to share arugula and vintage Bordeaux with all of Will’s douchebag columnist friends. David Brooks was there! So was the “lightning rod conservative,” Bill Kristol. Charles Krauthammer was there, too! Can you imagine a dinner party even 2% as fun as this one? MORE »

MAGAZINE ABOUT WEALTH ENDORSES OBAMA: Sarah Palin’s favorite — dare we say, “favourite,” tut tut — magazine, rich & sexy British global-money pamphlet The Economist, has endorsed Barack Obama, who is more likely to save all of their money than John McCain, who’s just nuts. [The Economist]

Of America’s many great achievements in this young century, nothing can really top the savage rape and murder of the American Dream. Nobody really mentions it anymore, but ancient texts refer to this notion that everyone, through hard work, could become free and happy through the earning of riches, and then their kids would do even better, etc. Well, it is no longer true. Since the year 2000, only the wealthy have made more money. Everybody else is fucked, and the divide is rapidly getting wider. This is the conclusion of a three-year study by the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, a communist-terrorist group consisting of the United States and other rich nations. MORE »

Got $12 million burning a hole in your pockets? Need a new mansion in Arizona? How about this little place, one of John and Cindy McCain’s unwanted castles? MORE »

In 2004 all the Republicans hated the Democratic ex-Navy plutocrat married to an insanely wealthy (and just insane) woman. But now that it is 2008, all the Democrats hate the Republican ex-Navy plutocrat married to an insanely wealthy, insane woman. How awful is Fat Cat John McCain? So awful that he literally has no idea how many homes “he” owns. MORE »

Well. Here’s a trailer for some sort of secret potential series about rich, preppy, well-connected young people in Washington. Aside from the YouTube title — “DC PREP Trailer for Secret Television Series Coming Soon!” — the Internet is not telling us much more. MORE »

Presidents and vice presidents file tax returns — they’re just like us! George and Laura Bush filed and guess how much they made in 2007? Just shy of a million! That’s not really so much money. Dick and Lynne Cheney easily beat the fake president’s adjusted gross income of $923,807. But by how much? MORE »

America’s favorite Mormon Frenchman and dog-torturing varmint-killing plutocrat shocked a University of South Carolina crowd this week by hoisting aloft a toddler and declaring it his sole and personal heir. Apparently the child has the same middle name as Willard “Mitt” Romney, which is why the tyke will be having comical wheelbarrows of cash delivered to his crib. “He’s getting all the money,” crowed Romney. Also, the child is his grandson. [YouTube]

When it comes to executive fashion and grooming tips, multi-millionaire executives who buy their way into politics have long looked to Republican Mitt Romney. With his perfect George Hamilton suntan and manly CEO hairstyle that really reminds you why John Edwards looks like such a girl, Mitt truly defines the flip-flopping elitist New England style once popularized by John Kerry. And now Mitt’s writing for his favorite magazine, GLAMOUR.

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