Silly voters! You might think politics is “a game” about “who’s up and who’s down,” but really it’s all about who’s up in Rhode Island. Because even though Barack Obama has pulled ahead in Texas polls and Hillary Clinton still leads in Ohio, the real victor in the March 4 multi-state Democratic primaries will be the contender who wins the biggest little state in the union. And right now it’s looking like Clinton by a landslide. [Real Clear Politics]

Former presidential frontrunner Mike Huckabee continues to run for president, despite his complete lack of funds, chances of winning, or rapidly waning popularity among the American people. Also, the fact that John McCain has won the nomination, “mathematically.” But Huck believes in the miracles of superstitious cult icon Jesus, and he is still campaigning on that amiable combo of good humor and punching supporters in the chin (above). Join us on an AP photo tour after the jump and see how Huckabee has been spending the rest of his week! MORE »

Lest we get overly concerned with the Texas and Ohio firewall primaries on March 4, the real contest that day is up in heathen Rhode Island, where Hillary spent her Sunday! She donned a yellow sweater that bore the name of that very same state. But what is her plan to win that state? Let’s see if we can determine it through this batch of revealing AP photos. MORE »

Just as his lord and savior Jesus Christ was able to feed 5,000 people by multiplying a few loaves and fishes, so will Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee be able to take votes from the 5,000 permanent residents of the wee state of Rhode Island and turn them into a massive electoral bonanza. Today Huckabee campaigns in the Ocean State, which holds many strange and puzzling parallels to several biblical locations and stories. MORE »

So it turns out Hillary Clinton is running that ad in Vermont because people will be voting in some sort of “primary” there soon, except it’s on the same day as Ohio and Texas so nobody cares. Similarly, Rhode Island will also be voting on March 4. It turns out that Rhode Islanders, in spite of their legendary venality, corruption, and love for coffee milk, are still allowed to vote in presidential primaries. [AP/AP]

Even though Presidential candidate Barack “Barry Hussein” Obama maybe didn’t do as many drugs in high school and college as he said he did–leading many, of course, to wonder if he’s really the truth-teller America needs in the White House right now–he is still on record as being a fan of the cocaine. And you know who else is? His new friend Lincoln Chafee, the most lovable Fraggle ever elected to the Senate! MORE »

*AH, THAT LOSER FROM RHODE ISLAND:* Former Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, who lost his Senate seat last year solely because he was a Republican, has endorsed Barack Obama. Those -2 Rhode Island delegates are all yours, Barry. [TPM Election Central]

For anyone who has wondered what happened to adorable fluffy-haired ex-Rhode Island Senator Lincoln Chaffee after he lost his reelection bid and quit the Republican party, here’s your answer: he’s thinking about voting for a Democrat! The one called Obama! Then he will go back to cleaning out horse stalls and mourning the rightward drift of his former party. [Providence Journal]

Last week, we reported that the candidates were basically blowing off Rhode Island and people got, like, mad and stuff. Well, the deadline to qualify was yesterday and, assuming signatures are verified for the rest, the following candidates aren’t likely to appear on the ballot: Biden, Hunter, Keyes, Kucinich, Richardson, Thompson and John Edwards. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks Rhode Island can suck it. [Rhode Island Office of the Secretary of State]

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While the other states jockeyed over the timing of their primaries, Rhode Island passed a little-noticed law that requires every primary candidate gather 1,000 signatures by December 26th to appear on the ballot. Given how small the state is, that’s apparently a really big problem because only 3 of the 1,500 candidates for President have managed to overcome that hurdle. If some people don’t get their asses into shape, Rudy will be the only Republican and the battle for the Dem nod will actually, literally, come down to Hillary or Obama. Oh, whatever, who gives a shit about Rhode Island anyway? They probably have, like, negative electoral votes. [Providence Journal]

Today the Rhode Island Supreme Court ruled that just because you get married in Massachusetts doesn’t mean you can get divorced anywhere else. Oops! But why is this maybe, just maybe, a good thing? We asked a lawyer, and then synthesized his 15 minute lecture after the jump

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