JACK REED (THE RHODE ISLAND SENATOR) IS OBAMA VEEP CHOICE?!
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
Well, who the hell knows, but we have it on very good authority — an email sent to your editor, who is not named “Chris” — that Rhode Island senior senator Jack Reed will become Obama’s running mate, officially, in the next few hours or at least by tomorrow morning. Why some Eastern senator from a make-believe state? Because he’s a Military Hero, get it? MORE »
Well, who the hell knows, but we have it on very good authority — an email sent to your editor, who is not named “Chris” — that Rhode Island senior senator Jack Reed will become Obama’s running mate, officially, in the next few hours or at least by tomorrow morning. Why some Eastern senator from a make-believe state? Because he’s a Military Hero, get it? MORE »








With an astounding 2,000 signatures (that means every Rhode Islander signed this petition twice), supporters of Ralph Nader and Matt Gonzales will FORMALLY SUBMIT PAPERWORK today to get their candidates on the November 2008 election ballot in the Ocean State. According to a campaign announcement, freedom will now ring from West Warwick to Usquepaugh, from the Big Blue Bug off I-95 to Trustom Pond, and all will hoist a frothing mug of coffee milk to their new consumer advocate overlord.
Hey Rhode Islanders, did you all know that prostitution is kinda legal in your heathen separatist state? Well thanks to Eliot Spitzer, that may not be the case anymore! According to the 
With 0% reporting in Texas, Barack Obama is the King of the Republic of Texas! But with 0% of Ohio reporting, Hillary Clinton is the new Queen of Ohio! Who will win? What’s with the confetti? How lonely is John McCain tonight? 
Former presidential frontrunner Mike Huckabee continues to run for president, despite his complete lack of funds, chances of winning, or rapidly waning popularity among the American people. Also, the fact that John McCain has won the nomination, “mathematically.” But Huck believes in the miracles of superstitious cult icon Jesus, and he is still campaigning on that amiable combo of good humor and punching supporters in the chin (above). Join us on an AP photo tour after the jump and see how Huckabee has been spending the rest of his week!
Lest we get overly concerned with the Texas and Ohio firewall primaries on March 4, the real contest that day is up in heathen Rhode Island, where Hillary spent her Sunday! She donned a yellow sweater that bore the name of that very same state. But what is her plan to win that state? Let’s see if we can determine it through this batch of revealing AP photos.