Wonkette

Oh hey looky there: John McCain now holds a 5-point national lead over liberal abortionist Barry Obama. Feel free to discuss in the comments: 1) why national polls don’t matter; 2) what a douche John Zogby is and how he lost all his credibility in calling the ‘04 election for Kerry, so Zogby reporting a McCain lead is actually good news; 3) how you will be draping black cloths over your gallery of framed Obama posters and sitting shiva for Hope. MORE »

So people have this crazy concoction that private security force Blackwater likes to go around Baghdad and shoot people for no apparent reason. What a silly billy thing to say! Obviously, they shoot people — or animals — that piss them off, which is like half-legal for private contractors in Iraq. The New York Times has certainly been pissing Blackwater off every since the whole “massacre” thing by, you know, chronicling very clearly how in-the-wrong Blackwater was. And how does Blackwater respond to the Times‘ ballbusting? BY SHOOTING ITS DOG. MORE »

Adding to the evidence that George W. Bush was recently replaced by a hologram, the White House didn’t allow still photographers in the room where Bush read his surge speech Wednesday. MORE »

Come on, dude, wiping your feet on the American flag? MORE »

• Ken Lay predicted his own death! Just like Biggie Smalls and Martin Luther King! [Consumerist]

• Unless he didn’t, and is in Fiji right now. One of the two. [Dealing In Subterfuges]
• The name of the Dong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• We must reduce our dependence on foreign sources of kimchi! [Rude Cactus]
• Harold Ford of Tennessee - corruption so deep even Reuters can’t find it. [Sweetness & Light]
• James Wolcott is all about red meat and illegal fur - but draws the line at Honduran hookers. [James Wolcott]
• The lower you go in the Hookergate investigation the shadier the characters get. [TPM Muckraker]

Here is all the money that’s not being spent on hiring more reporters.

The afterparty report, drunker and therefore more hazily-recalled than the pre-party report, but full of glorious Liz Gorman photography, is yours for the taking, after the jump.

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Saturday — tomorrow — the single most important night of the year. A chance to see, in the flesh, all your social betters gathered together in one convenient place for you to try to give them your business cards. Hobnob with the rich and famous (-for-DC). Meet washed-up has-beens invited to add an air of glamor to a room full of journalists and politicos. MORE »

The Reuters drink list — courtesy, natch, of a hard-working publicist on the front lines of the Afterparty War — reminded us of something we’d seen before. We couldn’t quite remember at first, but whilst thumbing through our dog-eared copy of Dog Days, debut novel by Wonkette Emerita Ana Marie Cox, there was a sudden flash of recognition. Looks like we’ve got a preemptive parody on our hands: MORE »

As noted by The Hill and FishBowlDC, this year Bloomberg faces some stiff competition in the party department — from the good folks at Reuters. And Reuters is bringing its A-game, with an elaborate menu of custom-made, politically-themed drinks, to be served at their pre-dinner party.

Here are three of our favorites:

The Condoleezza
Clear, perfectly chilled, very strong, and 100 percent rice.

The Alito
Still a mystery blend, though a slightly more liberal pour than expected. You may request Miers instead, but you’re not going to get it.

McKinney’s (Upper) Cut
This libation really packs a punch.

The complete list appears after the jump. Cheers!

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* Ain’t no party like a massive media conglomerate party! [Fishbowl DC] MORE »

* Under the Dome: Reuters will compete with Bloomberg for the hottest White House Correspondents’ Association after-party; theirs will be held at Kstreet. . . Tim Russert, David Gregory, and Sen. Kent Conrad attended the Nationals’ home opener. . . Harper’s taps the Los Angeles Times’ Ken Silverstein as its Washington editor. . . Fred Thompson endorses Sen. Chafee. [The Hill]
* Reliable Source: James Carville, Mary Matalin, Tony Williams, and Eleanor Holmes Norton were also on deck for the Nationals’ opener. . . Steve Carell was in town filming scenes for the sequel of “Bruce Almighty”. . . Jack Valenti is working on his memoirs. [WP]
* Page Six: New documentary aims to take Giuliani down a notch. [NYP]

Mystery solved! An operative embedded deep within the media establishment reports: MORE »

But if Osama bin Laden had eaten all those grilled cheese sandwiches, while simultaneously cooking the books at Enron… now that might have been something… MORE »

A Wonkette operative forwards us this stand out from the Reuters photo dump. The text sounds plain enough, but fails to mention the president is about to be devoured by a giant court jester: MORE »