Tag: retirement

OK, we like Francis Again

Pope Francis Fixin’ To Quit-Fire Archbishop Who Crammed Kim Davis Down His Throat

It was the best day ever for gay-hatin' Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis. She bedazzled her finest lady jumper and went to Washington, where a super-nice dirty Catholic named Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò had arranged a special private tête-à-tête, as they rarely...
Look, YOU try putting a bumper sticker on a camel...

‘God Hates Retirement’ Is Wingnuts’ Hot New Reason For Killing Social Security

We're pretty sure that two examples makes for a trend (or at least it does at the New York Times), so it's officially time to call this a genuine wingnut epidemic: Citing the Bible as proof that God wants...
Also paid no boat license fee

Very Sane Montana Republican Will Let You Retire At 600, Maybe

In Montanastan, there's this rich techie guy, Greg Gianforte, a Republican who's giving some thought to running for governor in 2016, just like every other successful business guy who's ever thought that running a state is exactly like running...
Come at me, Bro!

Harry Reid Invited To Celebrate Retirement With Hookers, Will Have To Bring His Own Blow

Go for it, Harry. Go out with a bang: A brothel in Nevada has offered to host U.S. Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid's retirement party to thank him for efforts during his more than three decades in the U.S. Congress...
Sit and spin, OK?

Harry Reid Retiring To Let Someone Else Lead Senate Democrats To Defeat For A Change

After insisting that he would absolutely seek re-election in 2016, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid released a video and statement reminding us, in case we'd forgotten, that he used to be an amateur boxer -- oh, and also, he...
Whaaat?

Morning Maddow: Brian Williams Gets Six Months, Jon Stewart Gets Life (Video)

Tuesday night was just one big bucket of breaking media news, what with NBC news anchor Brian Williams getting suspended without pay for six months, effective immediately, and Jon Stewart announcing that he is leaving the Daily Show forever,...
Here's the story, of a crazy lady, who was talking to a devil to her right ...

In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God

Michele Bachmann gave her farewell address to the House of Representatives Tuesday, and while we were worried that she might just stand up and announce that all her email should be forwarded to Shelly@CrazyEyes.com, she actually did deliver a...

Now Is The Time For All Good Americans To Nerdcrush On Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Katie Couric has this hot job doing the online journalisming with Yahoo now, and she spent some time talking with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who we don't mind saying we are in deep nerdlove with. The interview takes place in...

Pat Robertson Puts The ‘Jew’ In ‘Jeweler’

Pat Robertson just enjoys being Pat Robertson, and he doesn't care who knows it. And by golly, he sure does admire how people of the Hebrew persuasion are so darn good at making money -- it really is something...

Could New Pope Please Cancel This American Remake Of ‘Bling Bishop’?

Hey, remember the story about the German "Bling Bishop" who got suspended after everybody was outraged by the $55 million cost of renovating his personal residence? Right here in U.S. America, we seem to have our own version of...

Henry Waxman Leaving Congress, Has Had Enough Of Your Crap

Well, nuts, this is a genuine, bona fide Moment of Sad: after 20 terms in the House of Representatives, liberal healthcare superhero Henry Waxman and his unfortunate teeth announced today that he'll be retiring at the end of his...

Weep Weep Wonket For Your Fallen Hero Michele Bachmann

It takes a big woman to admit both her poor electoral chances and the investigation into all her crimes, in the first minute and a half of her speech announcing her upcoming retirement, or else it takes an amateurish...

Let’s All Blame The Gays For The Pope’s Retirement

Oh boy, here we go! This week may have started out all "slow-newsy-snoozey" but never fear, wonketteers! The fabulous ruby-slippered Pope's retirement has become embroiled in a scandal described with words like "seething hotbed of intrigue and infighting." What?...

Fred Thompson Explains How Tax Returns Work: Let’s Say There’s a Guy Watching Pornography…

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin' hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to "run for president" in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney's undisclosed tax returns. Writing...

What’s In Your IRA? Don’t Worry, Mitt Romney Doesn’t Know Either

Oh HI, rapidly aging baby boomers! How is that retirement planning coming? From what we hear, not so hot! Perhaps if America’s baby boomers had been as smart as Mitt Romney and found a way to siphon $100,000,000 (ONE...

Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz Has Some Original Ideas On Fixing The Deficit

Representative Jason Chaffetz, a Republican (duh) from Utah, has a lot in common with his fellow Republicans, given that he thinks that fixing the deficit is a very, very important issue, but! not so important that we should be...