Wonkette

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it. MORE »

The brilliant Washington State Democratic party went about making an attack ad of Republican gubernatorial candidate Dino Rossi by using a “Sopranos” theme. In case you don’t know anything about life, “Dino Rossi” is the most Italian name since “Papa John Pizza.” And so the “Italian Club of Seattle” got predictably offended and called it “racist,” against dinosaurs. [YouTube, Seattle Times]

God, David Brooks is a sap. His new terrible column is addressed to God — “God, Republicans are saps.” — and then it drags out some tortured split-personality analogy (”Dr. Barack” and, uh, “Fast Eddie”) that is supposed to suggest that Hopeful Obama is also an ambitious politician and may be “in it to win it.” MORE »

The Internet is a computer-based system that constantly baffles dumb people who use the Internet. This tragic fact was proven again today when our favorite website, “Country Above Self,” excitedly announced that Wonkette had shamefully removed all the Wonkette posts calling “Country Above Self” a virtual home for the retarded. MORE »

E-MAIL OF THE DAY: “The video of the child being attacked by the animal is very offensive, you jerks.”

According to deep background sources (our commenter “Serolf Divad”), the printing-press laborer who wrote that terrific op-ed about Obama being a Muslim Fundamentalist who will piss on the graves of Ground Zero might really be NYT star Bill Kristol. Think about it.

Ha ha ha, the President made a hilarious joke about not being able to speak our language correctly, which is only funny if you missed the past seven years. Still, it was funnier than the time he made a PowerPoint about not being able to find WMDs in the Oval Office.

When you suck as badly as George W. Bush, not even the GOP candidates will mention your name — unless it’s an insult. And yet, poll after poll finds that 30% of Americans who can manage to pick up a ringing telephone say they approve of this miserable presidency. Who are these people? They’re the people who write angry messages to the Worst President Ever website, that’s who. MORE »