Tag: retards

Glenn Beck Fans Can’t Spell Glenn Beck’s Name, Either

It's time for a special late-night edition of Oh Dear God the Glenn Beck People Are Still Trying To Comment On Wonkette. But first, a special contribution to the "Tea Party Racists Will All Listen To NPR Now" post...

Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books

Which pea-brained clown will become the new chairperson of the Republican National Committee? Whether it's the dingbat woman dreaming of getting wasted at her kitchen table again or the lunkhead who just keeps barking "Reagan! Reagan!" when asked if...

U.S. Army Rejecting 80% of Kids For Being Dumb Obese Criminals

A sad new study makes that whole "DREAM Act" defeat a little more tragic: More than 80% of Americans trying to join the Army can't meet the very low minimum requirements. The first 75% gets immediately disqualified "because they...

FEDERAL LAW TO REINTRODUCE ALL SORTS OF NEW JOKE POSSIBILITIES: "Senators are preparing to eliminate all references in federal law to the terms 'mental retardation' and 'mentally retarded individual.' Rosa’s Law, which will be marked up on Wednesday, would...

GEICO Voice Dropped After Simply Asking FreedomWorks A Question About Their Retards

We had not heard about this! Has "other we" (Ken Layne) brought it up? Not enough time to look through the archives, COPY-PASTE: "Actor Lance Baxter, otherwise known as 'D.C. Douglas,' currently known as the man who informs you...

CNN Idiot Rick Sanchez Thinks Iceland Is ‘Too Cold’ For Volcanoes

Rick Sanchez is so stupid that other teevee anchor people are embarrassed for him. Here's CNN's most comical idiot saying that Iceland is "too cold" for volcanic eruptions, because of course volcanoes depend upon the surface air temperature to...

Washington Post Opiners Debate: What About Retards?

The recent very serious edition of the Washington Post tackled the question of Retards: what of this word, "retard"? Are there perhaps pros and cons to the word "retard," and can we divide the competing arguments into two page-filling...

America Asks For Thousands Of ‘Cyber Warriors,’ Thousands Of Basement-Dwellers Heed The Call

Clarence Thomas skipped the State of the Union so he could sit on his sofa and soak his feet in a bucket of "self-loathing black man." Most Improved Wino Nancy Pelosi spent 100,000 smackaroos (USD) on vodka nips and...

Questions Surround Lou Dobbs’ ‘The Taco-Eaters Shot My Wife’ Story

Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he's on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing...

Introducting The Latest Health Care Lie-Meme, Starring Michele Bachmann!

Here is overrated piece of performance art Michele Bachmann suggesting on the House floor last night that, you know actually, if you look at the first letter of the first word on each even-numbered page of the latest iteration...

Trent Franks: What I Meant Was That Obama Likes To Antagonize Fetuses, Just Fetuses

Okay everyone just hold on for just one sec, we have a REQUEST FOR A RE-DO from Trent Franks, some sort of struggling freelance Congressman who called Obama an "enemy of humanity": "Bethany Haley, spokeswoman for Franks, said the...

Contractors Guarding U.S. Embassy In Kabul Love To Drink Vodka Out Of Each Others’ Anuses

The Blackwater news was, what, two years ago now, and we're still inexplicably allowing these creepy private security companies to not only take the helm "guarding" major war zones, but to do so without *any* military supervision or need...

Obama’s Basketball Bracket Looks Presidential, Too

This is just over the top. He even puts a Presidential Seal on it -- wait till the election's over, please? Anyway, to see the whole Presidential Bracket, check out this Washington Post article and READ THE COMMENTS. They...

Kathleen Parker Mocks the Wingnuts’ God

There were always two of them, at America's favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. "Kathleen" would be a clever writer and kind of funny...

McCain Campaign Goes ‘All In’ With New Ad

Well, we're convinced! How about you, communists? Here is an idea: After the election, or maybe even tomorrow, let's shut down the Internet. The whole thing. Top to bottom. The money's gone, fun's over, time to look for sharp...

Sarah Palin Idiotically Answers Four Questions

Alaskan waterhead Sarah Palin went to Ground Zero! She is really enjoying her first trip to a city, and also probably saw MAMMA MIA and The Lion King, which she found "too liberal." And you know what's super-duper tall?...