• THEY JUST WANT TO GO HOME: Fox News, of all places, is the first major organization to call Virginia for Obama. Others will probably trickle in shortly, but this just seems passive-aggressive of Fox News to us. “YOU WANT VIRGINIA? FINE, TAKE IT,” &c. UPDATE: CNN calls it for Obama too. Ohh… ohh my.

• OHHHHH MAN: MSNBC, PBS, ABC News, a bunch of other people who aren’t slow CNN, have called Ohio for Barack Obama. THIS MOFO IS OVE– uhm, things are still “close.”

• 7:00 CALLS: Liveblogs coming very shortly, but we have calls for states that close now! Barack Obama has won Vermont ha ha ha who cares; McCain wins racist Kentucky. Mark Warner is projected to win that Virginia Senate seat, and gay Lindsey Graham will keep his Senate seat in South Carolina.

Hillary Clinton is whoopin’ presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama’s ass in Puerto Rico, in almost every demographic. Congrats, Hillz, because this will be the last win you ever see in presidential politics. [CNN]

Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [New York Observer]

… almost 3:1 over McCain. But the real story is Alan Keyes, who earned more than twice the votes of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson combined. The Keyes SURGE, it’s finally happening! [Kansas GOP]