Tag Archives: resigns

  All 'Guess He's Ore-GONE' Comments Will Be Deleted

Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns

What good is influence if you can't peddle it?
Well, this is¬†completely unanticipated! Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned, just days after announcing that no way in the world was he going to resign, which of course was obvious code for “Yeah, call U-Haul and reserve a truck for this weekend.” He was sworn in for his fourth term as governor just a month and a day ago. Read more on Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns…
  Shell Shocker

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long wait, what with the guilty plea last week by Ken Sorenson, a former Iowa state senator who admitted taking bribes to switch his endorsement from Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul shortly before the Iowa caucuses in 2012. What the what? How is bribery in the Iowa caucuses two years ago connected to Yertle’s Senate hopes? Let us connect ye olde dots for you! Read more on Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money…
  nothing gold can stay

Martin Bashir Resigns From MSNBC Just For Saying He Wanted To Make Turds In Sarah Palin’s Mouth

Robert Frost – Nothing Gold Can Stay – The… by poetictouch Remember when Martin Bashir said he wanted to make poops in Sarah Palin’s mouth? No, he wasn’t trying to be funny. He was very, very MAD! Why did Martin Bashir want to go number two, in Sarah Palin’s mouth? Well, mostly so he could give Wonket commenters about one million chances to explain that there is not any room for more dookie in there (in Sarah Palin’s mouth) because it (Sarah Palin’s mouth) is already quite full of it (dookie)! Oh, and also, he was making a point that no, being in debt to China is not the same as slavery, you ridiculous bad lady. Because in slavery, like in the television documentary “Coven,” some mean slaveowners would actually shit in their slaves’ mouths. It turns out — who knew! — slavery kind of sucked! Anyway, Martin Bashir has now “resigned,” and poor, put-upon Alec Baldwin has been avenged. Read more on Martin Bashir Resigns From MSNBC Just For Saying He Wanted To Make Turds In Sarah Palin’s Mouth…
  romebilly grifters

Pope Pulls A Palin

Almost exactly 600 years after the last pope to resign resigned, Pope Benedict XVI is hanging up his Prada shoes and dancing off into … well, we don’t even know! Where do ex-popes go? Probably Boca. News organizations are predictably going nuts trying to figure out what the HELL? (You should see your Editrix’s “What the HELL?” face right now!) But at least one brave outlet is pushing back on the godless heathen marxist media, and that outlet is Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Casket. Read more on Pope Pulls A Palin…
  another one bites the dust

Barely Legal Furry Sexytime Topples Weirdo Rep. David Wu After All

Well, that was fast! Furry sex aficionado Rep. David Wu announced he will resign after the debt crisis negotiations are over (hahaha, so actually he means “never”) because of this sexytime incident with the 18-year-old daughter of his high school classmate that we heard about only a few days ago. Hooray, Congress is down another creepy pervert sex predator! Only several hundred more to go, we guess. Mostly we feel awful for the young woman that Wu sexed, for obvious reasons. We are also sorry for Nancy Pelosi, who has been spending a lot of her time this summer forced to listen to Democratic lawmakers talk about their sordid peen problems. Oh well, adios to the only member of Congress who will never be remembered for anything besides wearing a homemade Tigger costume, for America. Read more on Barely Legal Furry Sexytime Topples Weirdo Rep. David Wu After All…