Wonkette

Larry Craig is retiring again, btw. His poor spokesman told the AP that the wide-stanced Senator will focus on helping Idaho find a new, straighter guy to take his place by next month. All that weekend talk about Arlen Specter and sticking it out was a he-said / he-left-a-voice-mail-to-the-wrong-number misunderstanding. UNLESS! MORE »

Larry Craig is supposed to resign this morning, “mountain time.” If he doesn’t, please express outrage in the comments. [New York Times]

“WASHINGTON (Reuters) - White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, who has been battling cancer, plans to step down on September 14 and he will be replaced his deputy, Dana Perino, a U.S. official said. ”

Larry Craig — the Senator from Idaho who isn’t gay at all, just wide-stanced — said he wouldn’t resign just because he was arrested and pleaded guilty to trying to have gay sex in a public restroom. Oddly, his Republican peers aren’t supporting him in this fight against the newspaper that made him tap his foot alluringly. In fact, they seem to be pressuring him to leave! MORE »

Well that was a short “press conference.” MORE »

In one final display of hilarious ineptitude, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned on a Friday afternoon, the traditional home of the unwelcome newsdump, and then waited until a Monday morning to announce it. Way to go, Fredo — you will be missed! MORE »

Hey, remember when Alberto Gonzales was going to be forced to resign in disgrace or something? Ha, good times. Anyway, Wan J. Kim, the head of the Civil Rights Division, is resigning. His predecessor resigned just last week! Now who will protect the civil rights of Republican-voting church-goers against those terrible ACLU liberals? [WP]

Tony Snow was on Hugh Hewitt’s show yesterday, to talk about how the surge is working really well and how we’re going to bomb the shit out of Iran and also how he’s going to retire, some day! Because it’s Friday and not much is happening besides the collapse of the world economy, the collapse of various mines, and the collapse of parts of Peru, the wires all picked it up and reporters asked him about it and he said that yes, he would eventually quit being the Press Secretary, at some unknown date in the future. Why?

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Deborah Pryce used to be “the most powerful Republican woman in Congress,” but now she’s not even the most famous Deborah in Washington. So, after a bitter and drawn-out contested reelection, she’s giving up the ghost and retiring from Congress, just like Dennis Hastert. What a sad, boring August it’s been! Goodbye, Deborah! You were never very crazy, and therefore of no interest to us whatsoever, but for some reason after you stepped down from your leadership role you basically turned into a Democrat, so it’s probably best that you step down and be replaced by someone who doesn’t love abortion so much. And with Bob Ney, Mark Foley, and Jack Abramoff all gone, she can’t have too many friends left in town.

8-term Ohio Rep. Deborah Pryce to retire [Yahoo]

Turns out Donald Rumsfeld, the worst Defense Secretary in the history of bad Defense Secretaries, even counting fictional ones, including whoever was Defense Secretary when Lex Luthor was President, and who resigned in disgrace the day after the 2006 midterm elections, actually resigned the day before the midterm elections. So we’re two days closer to winning in Iraq than we all thought! MORE »

“With more than a year left in the fading Bush presidency, Karl Rove’s worst days in the White House may still lie ahead of him.”
— First sentence of the lead story in the September Atlantic.

Whoops. But hey, their revamped revamped website looks neat! MORE »

Karl Rove instituted “Ice Cream Fridays” at the White House, to compliment “Waterboarding Wednesdays,” “John McCain’s Mulatto Mondays,” and “utter disregard for the democratic process Tuesdays.” [ThinkProgress]

Dennis “the Hutt” Hastert, the longest-serving Republican speaker in House history until he was forced to resign in the wake of Pagefuckergate, will retire at the end of this term, according to CQ, surprising pretty much no one. He was corrupt and kinda dumb, but most importantly, he was fat. And that was funny. The photo above, to our mind, belongs to that esteemed class of hilarious political pictures that includes Cheney in bushes, Rick Santorum’s crying child, and Steny Hoyer with with his duck furry friend. After the jump, travel back in time with us to other wonderful Denny Hastert moments.

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